


Crushed

by romioneB



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Ron Weasley, BAMF Hermione Granger, F/M, Getting Back Together, Heartbreak, Loss, Marriage, Not Really Character Death, POV Ron Weasley, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:48:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29039649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romioneB/pseuds/romioneB
Summary: “Once upon a time there once was an idiot who was desperately in love with his best friend, but he never acted on the feelings that he had for her because he was a f***in’ insecure coward. Then, one day when he least expected her to do so, she kissed him! She kissed him and he was bloody over the moon about it, he had never felt happier than he did in that moment. And then, she died.”Nobody said a word.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 370
Kudos: 73





	1. Crushed

The same three frenzied thoughts were repeatedly running through Ron Weasley’s mind as he stood there next to the girl that he loved, her hand clasped tightly in his as he watched Harry start to duel with the darkest wizard of all time. He was feeling so many different emotions at the moment that he felt like he would burst. 

The girl that he had loved for years had  _ kissed _ him, and he hadn't let go of her hand since it had happened. After what seemed like an eternity of trying to figure her out and wondering if she could possibly feel the same way about him as he did about her,  _ she _ had taken that next step, confirming at least a little of the question that he had always been too scared to ask or even hope for.

Fred. His brother was gone. One minute there, the next, dead..the image in Ron’s mind of his brother’s dead body along with the anguished looks on the faces of his family making him feel sick. He was still in shock and knew that the reality of Fred’s death had not sunk in at all and he did not look forward to when it would. He did not allow himself to think about what the loss of his brother would entail past today.

Then there was Harry bloody Potter. Ron had again felt like another part of his soul had been torn out when Voldemort had shouted out the words “ _ Harry Potter is dead! _ ” After losing one brother, Ron had felt absolute despair that he had lost another, but that despair had turned to disbelief when he realized that Harry had not been dead at all. Ron had let out a choked sob of relief, squeezing Hermione’s hand not so gently as he had heard and felt her do the same when they saw Harry jump down from Hagrid’s arms still very much alive. 

“HARRY POTTER YOU GET THAT NOSELESS FUCKER!” He screamed as he watched Harry and Voldemort’s wands connecting, his eyes trained on Harry as his heartbeat pounded in nervousness and anticipation.

“Ron!” Hermione suddenly shouted, stepping backwards and pulling him with her. He pulled his eyes from his best mate and saw that while many of Voldemort's followers were running away and abandoning their lord, many were enraged and running towards Hogwarts. They were headed right towards them with their wands held out menacingly, obviously out for blood. His hand still in hers, they fired spells at them as they ran backwards into the Great Hall. Ron let his rage over all of the losses that night take control as he fought, feeling his magic pounding through his veins like he never had before.

There were many many fights going on around them, the air filling with flashes of light as spells were fired. Unconsciously he and Hermione let go of eachother, both needing to focus on every single bit of their senses as possible. They stood back to back, both in one-on-one duels with a person on Voldemort’s side, and Ron took great comfort in knowing that she was close and that he could feel her there. Ron had to admit that the bastard he was fighting was pretty good as he was blocking most of the spells that he fired at him, but Ron was a fair fighter as well and was easily blocking the spells thrown at him. 

All of a sudden Ron sensed that Hermione was no longer near him so he turned his head to look for her, the action making him momentarily let his guard down for just one second. Before he was able to spot Hermione, he was hit with an agonizing pain unlike any that he had ever experienced in his life and just under the pain he instinctively knew that he had been hit with the cruciatus curse. His skin felt like it was burning off and he briefly thought that there was no way that he wasn't dying or already almost there. He heard someone screaming and realized after a few seconds that the screams he heard were coming from him. He then heard another scream, a panicked scream of distress in the sound of his name.  _ Hermione.  _

Almost as suddenly as the pain had started, it had stopped and he found himself lying on the floor and he panted as he struggled to sit up. He instantly searched for Hermione and saw her standing about fifteen feet away, her wand still held out at the death eater that he had been battling, who was now unconscious on the stone floor next to him. 

He looked back up at her and they locked eyes as he started to climb to his feet, needing to get up and be right next to her again. Before he could stand however, there was a thunderous noise above them and he looked up to see the enchanted ceiling above them starting to crack and fall apart. Part of the ceiling was glowing a deep orange and seemed to be melting as if it were turning into lava. Hermione had stopped walking towards him when the noise had sounded and was looking up as well, confusion etched on her face. With horror, Ron saw a piece of the ceiling the size of a small car start to fall right above where she was standing.

“HERMIONE WATCH OUT!” he screamed, and watched as Hermione frantically ran backwards, barely scrambling out of the way before the chunk of stone hit the ground with a crash, causing dust and debris to fill the air around her.

She was now further away, but seeing that she was still standing and stunned at what had almost happened, he let out a cry of relief that didn't last long when he noticed a half-liquified and much larger piece of ceiling above her starting to come down. The piece of molten stone that was about thirty feet long and fifteen feet wide had also broken away and was starting to fall as well. 

Everything that happened next all happened within a matter of seconds. He watched as she too became aware of her predicament, looking up before turning to look at him, her eyes panicked. They both saw that she had only half a second before it reached the ground and both of them knew that she’d never make it out in time, especially with the giant piece already in front of her that was now blocking her path to him. In blind desperation, Ron lifted his wand, hoping to at least slow the gigantic piece of stone that was about to fall on top of the person that he loved most. 

“ARRESTO MOMENTUM!” he screamed out, but his hand had been shaking and the spell missed the stone, going directly next to Hermione’s head and barely missing her. He stopped breathing as he watched her mouth move right before the gigantic piece of burning stone hit the ground with a thunderous crash and he heard the horrible hissing sound of something hot meeting something cold. 

As soon as it landed, more pieces of the ceiling crumbled down on top of the now smoking ground. The smell of something burning overwhelmed his nose as dust immediately filled his lungs and his eyes, his ears ringing with pain from the explosive sound. He could hardly see as the air was thick, the Great Hall filled with sounds of coughing and panicked screaming. He looked to where Hermione and many others had just been standing, and all he saw was several feet of smoking rubble. 

He sat, unmoving and stunned for several long seconds before he felt a horrible pain start spreading in his chest, a feeling of desperation, dread, and heartbreak that he could hardly even fathom. 

“NOOOO!” He screamed, unable to deny the truth of what he had just seen happen with his own eyes.

Over and over he wailed, unable to do anything else, his eyes not moving from the spot where he had last seen Hermione. He was on his knees, halfway bowed over on the floor, unable to gather the strength to move, his repeated cries echoing off of the walls as he heard other cries all around him.

He was then vaguely aware of loud shouts of joy outside, as if something momentous had just happened, but at that moment he couldn’t be bothered to care at all what they meant.

He then heard footsteps approaching him before he felt a large pair of hands gently grab onto his upper arms, trying to pull him up tohis feet. “Come on son. Come with me.” he heard his dad’s voice say softly into his ear.

He looked up into his dad’s weary and concerned face. “Hermione.” Ron whispered, pleading with his dad to understand.

Arthur turned to look towards all of the rubble before turning back to him, his face full of sorrow as he slowly shook his head.

The act sent Ron in full fledged panic mode. “NO!” he screamed out, pushing his dad roughly to the side before stumbling up and running towards where Hermione had been standing. He climbed up the rubble, and started grabbing the pieces that he was able to lift and throwing them quickly to the side trying to get to her.

“Hermione I’m going to get you out I fucking swear!” he sobbed as he continued to throw all the pieces that were in front of him aside. 

He then felt his dad gripping him again, harder this time. “Ron. Trust me, you don’t want to see her like this son.  _ Please. _ Let’s go.”

Ron roughly jerked out of his father’s grasp. “HERMIONE!” he screamed again as he grabbed a large piece and threw it out of the way. He noticed that his hands were now bleeding as he frantically grabbed at the jagged pieces of stone, the rough sides easily slicing into his skin but he couldn't be bothered to care because he had to get to her.

Just after he threw yet another piece to the side, he felt two bodies pressed against either side of him, firmly pinning his arms to his sides and stopping his movements. 

“Stop! Let me GO!” he cried, trying to jerk away but was unable to break free from the strong hands holding onto him.

He heard Bill’s voice start talking in his left ear. “You can’t help her now Ron, she's gone. You need your family and your family needs  _ you _ now _. _ ”

With that Ron felt all of the strength leave his body, and he would have collapsed if not for his father and brother holding him upright. Loud uncontrollable sobs started coming out of him as he was basically carried away from the Great Hall, his feet half-dragging the floor.

*Two Weeks Later*

Ron ignored the sound of light knocking on his bedroom door, but like every other time before, whoever was on the other side unfortunately took his silence as an invitation to come in.

He only blinked at the wall as he heard the door creak open. “Hey.” Harry’s voice rang out with a small bit of forced cheerfulness. “I brought your dinner.”

Ron heard the plate being placed on his small desk, but didn’t make a move to look or respond at all to his best friend. 

He heard Harry sigh. “Ron, please. I’m begging you. I  _ need _ you, your family needs you. The way you are acting...it isn’t healthy.”

Ron said nothing.

Harry went on. “We lost  _ so  _ many people Ron. And I feel so damn guilty about every single one...but losing Hermione…”

Ron flinched a tiny bit at the sound of her name.

“It’s  _ too _ much. I lost her, and I...I can’t lose you too.”

He still didn’t respond, but pulled his blanket up a little higher on his body by scooting down an inch or two.

Harry went on, knowing that he wouldn't get a response. “Kingsley came by today and he offered you and I positions as Aurors. There’ll be a training period of course, but given what we did during the war and all, he said we will be shoo-ins and I...I’m going to do it.” he paused. “And it would mean the world to me if you accepted the offer as well. We would have each other and I think fighting to help the wizarding world become a safer place for everyone will help us both heal some Ron, I really do.” Harry said the last part with conviction.

When Harry was once again met with silence, he stood up and started slowly backing away to the door. “Just...just think about it ok? Kingsley said that there was no rush on us making a decision, so you have time to mull it over.” He reached the door and put his hand on the doorknob. “I’ll be back later tonight, let me know if you need anything.” he said sadly before exiting the room and closing the door behind him. 

Once Harry was gone, Ron laid in the same spot for several hours before sitting up and eating his now-cold dinner, not tasting it at all. He had recently started finishing his plates if only to appease his mum who had come up to his room and begged him to eat after he had not taken a bite of anything for five days after the battle. He had then started forcing himself to eat small portions and day by day had worked up until he was able to finish his plates again, much to his mothers relief.

Once he was done with his plate he laid back in his bed and pulled the covers tight around himself, closing his eyes but not tired enough to sleep. Other than twice a day bathroom breaks and a short visit at Fred’s funeral, Ron had not left the comfort of his childhood home at The Burrow.

Hermione hadn’t had a funeral. Not yet anyway. Twelve people had been under the giant piece of ceiling when it had fallen and all of their bodies had been crushed and burned beyond recognition. The ministry had taken over a week to identify all twelve killed as they were forced to rely only on witnesses and people who were unaccounted for. Ron had been unable to speak to anyone about what he had seen, but Arthur had confirmed to a ministry investigator that Hermione Granger had been one of the people that had been under the ceiling when it had collapsed.

There had been a ministry decision made that the twelve bodies would be buried on Hogwarts grounds and since there was no way to determine who was who, they would be put in several rows together in honor of their sacrifice to the good of the war. Apparently some people were having a hard time with this as there was no way to  _ really _ know if all of those people had been in fact, fighting on the good side. Not without finding out without a doubt who was who, which unfortunately, they were unable to do. 

Since being dragged away right after Hermione’s death at Hogwarts, Ron had not uttered a single word. Harry and the whole Weasley family had continually tried, but Ron refused to speak, to make any eye contact with anyone, or even to show any outward emotion at all. He felt like if he were to do any of those things, it would make everything real. He figured that he probably seemed to be in a comatose state to those around him, but that was far from the truth. In fact he had been extremely aware of everything happening, he heard every whisper and homed in to every conversation that he was able to, which was easy as the walls were thin at The Burrow. That’s how he learned all about who and how many had died in the same manner as Hermione, and what would be done with their bodies. 

Even as his family continually tried to get Ron to talk, no one except Harry had outright mentioned Hermione directly to him, as if they thought he would just break at the sound of her name...which was ridiculous of course, because he was already broken.

The fact that Hermione was now just ‘one of twelve bodies’ made him feel ill. He would never know which grave marker of the twelve people was hers, she would never have her own personal spot in the ground that he would be able to visit, and instead her name would be on a list of ‘heroes who died fighting for the cause’.

He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t such a horrible thing. Hermione after all was dead, and her body was now just that...a body. Everything that had made Hermione  _ Hermione  _ was long gone. No longer would she laugh, read, chew the end of her quill as she was deep in concentration, nag him, allow him to hold her, and no longer would she  _ kiss _ him as she had done in the middle of battle. 

Oh if only he had known that one of the best moments of his life would shortly be followed by a nightmarish hell that he was unfortunately unable to escape from.

Losing Fred had been horrible. Fred was his brother, and anyone who knew Ron knew that his family meant everything to him. Losing Fred would  _ always  _ hurt, but losing  _ Hermione _ . Losing the girl he was in love with, the only person he could ever see a future with,  _ that _ had been his undoing. A large chunk of Ron was now missing, his entire future gone, just like that. The only certain thing he had ever  _ really _ seen in his future was Hermione. He had always known that he would gladly throw himself in harm’s way to protect her but in the end though, he had been unable to do so and the word ‘failure’ was a very mild form of the feeling that he had about that fact. 

He had never even entertained the idea of a life without Hermione until he had almost lost her at Malfoy Manor. The agony that had ripped through him when he was almost sure that he had lost her then had been terrifying, but even that pain paled in comparison to the cold, hard, without a doubt  _ fact _ that she was now gone. 

At that thought he felt the tightening pain of his loss ripple across his chest and he closed his eyes tight, willing himself not to cry. He knew that she wouldn't want him like this, wouldn't want him hiding away in his room and unable to face the real world. She would want him to  _ do _ something with his life, want him to help make the world a better place for all magical beings to live in without violence and prejudices. 

He sniffed and rolled over to get more comfortable as he thought about Kingsley’s offer. He hadn’t really allowed himself to think about a career in the last year or two, knowing that there was a chance that he wouldn't  _ live _ long enough to have one. He knew that he had to do  _ something _ besides lay in bed and think depressing thoughts and long for someone who he would now never be able to have. 

With the image of Hermione in his mind urging him to do something, he sat up and pulled his legs to the side of the bed. Wearing only his pyjama bottoms, he stood up and slowly padded out of his room. He opened his bedroom door and after a brief pause where he convinced himself to keep going, he headed downstairs. 

It was pretty late by then so he was sure that most, if not all of the occupants in the house were already asleep, but he found Harry, Ginny, and Charlie all still in the living room, talking in hushed voices as not to wake up the sleeping people in the house. They abruptly stopped talking when Ron walked into the room and stared at him, not hiding the shock on their faces as they waited for him to say or do something.

Ron met Harry’s eyes as he cleared his throat. “I’ll do it. Tell Kingsley I’m in.” he said quietly, his voice raspy from disuse.

Next to Harry, Ginny let out a small sob as she stood up and ran at Ron, throwing herself against him and grabbing him in a tight embrace. Over her head, Ron watched as Harry stared hard at him, his previously shocked face now full of emotion as he gave Ron a small nod of confirmation. With that, Ron slowly lifted his arms and enclosed them around Ginny as he hugged her back.


	2. And Now

*One Year Later-Anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts*

Ron straightened his robes and checked his hair in the mirror before letting out a sigh. He had dreaded this day for weeks, and now that it was finally here he only wanted it to go by as fast as possible so he could get it over with. 

He turned to look around his bedroom at Grimmauld Place for his comb. He had moved in with Harry shortly after they had started their Auror training. With everything that he had been through, no one had expected Ron to quickly excel to the top of his class and go through training like it had been a breeze, but that’s what had happened. Once training had been over and he and Harry were officially aurors, he was still the best, often putting in very long hours and working harder than anyone else in the department. His boss probably thought that he was just an admirable workaholic, but the truth was that he was constantly trying to keep himself occupied so he wouldn't have time to think about what he had lost.

When Harry had first told him that there was going to be a gathering at Hogwarts for the one year anniversary of the battle, Ron had scoffed.

Sensing the ticking time bomb that was now his best friend, Harry had hurriedly started to explain that there were going to be speakers talking about their experiences and that the people that had lost their lives would be celebrated, that it would be a gathering to help heal all those affected from the tragic day. 

Ron had instantly felt angry at the words. “ _Celebrated_ ? There’s nothing to _be_ celebrated when someone dies for fucks sake.” he spit out. “And _heal?_ It’s not like a fucking flesh wound that can be healed with dittany Harry.”

Harry had tried to hide his annoyance, but Ron had been able to read him clearly and it had only made him angrier. “It’s not to celebrate their _death_ Ron, it’s to celebrate the fact that they _lived,_ that they died for something that _means_ something, that the kind of life that is worth living is worth fighting for.”

“Go recite your bullshite poetry to someone else Harry, I’m not going.” Ron snapped.

Harry had sighed as if he had expected this reaction. “Ron, Kingsley has asked us to be speakers-”

“Yeah that’s an absolute, one hundred percent, hell fucking _no_ from me.” He snarled, enraged that Kingsley would even ask him to stand on a podium and talk about the war that still affected him daily in every aspect of his life, to talk about the day that had _ruined_ his life.

“I already told him that you would refuse.” Harry said cooly. “I, however, _will_ be speaking, and it would mean a lot to all of us, your family and myself, if you would at least come.”

Ron hadn’t been back to Hogwarts since the day that Hermione had died and he had planned for it to stay that way. “No. I’m not going to go Harry. Sorry.” he had added, not feeling sorry one bit.

Harry had sighed again, royally annoying Ron. “Maybe going will give you some kind of closure Ron. I think it could be good for us...for _all_ of us. And you will be able to visit...you can visit Hermione’s grave.” he finished, the last part of his sentence coming out small and nervous. 

Ron had spun around to glare at him.“Oh, you mean one of the twelve unmarked graves there? Yeah, _that’s_ comforting Harry. Maybe I can visit the enchanted forest while I’m there too? Maybe I can pet a fucking unicorn and make the whole trip just fucking glorious!”

With that, Harry’s patience had snapped. “Dammit Ron you need to _stop_ . You are causing _me_ , causing your _family_ so much grief with the way that you have been acting. You aren’t the only one that lost someone! I don't know what you need mate, but I know that something needs to change with you. You aren’t _Ron_ anymore. All you care about is work and being a complete and utter arsehole to everyone who cares for you! ”

Ron had let out a humorless laugh. “I’m still Ron.” he shrugged before slumping down on the couch, the fight suddenly out of him. “Just a Ron who doesnt have the energy to give a fuck anymore.” he added in a defeated voice.

“Please Ron...come. Your family will be there, everyone will be there to support you.” Harry pleaded.

“Not everyone.” Ron said quietly.

“No, you're right. Not everyone.” Harry agreed, coming to sit next to him on the couch. “What do you think Fred would think? What would Hermione think about you right now Ron?”

Ron let out a small chuckle. “Fred would probably knock me upside the head and call me a git.” he smiled a little at the thought. “And Hermione would…” he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

“She wouldn't like it either and you know it. Everyone has been so scared to say or do something to set you off mate. It’s been like walking on eggshells for a year and it can’t go on like this forever.”

Ron leaned back with a huff. “Shite Harry, enough with the guilt trip. I’ll come alright?” he ran his hands slowly down this face. “I’m _not_ speaking though. Not to _anyone_ other than you guys, you know I won’t be able to stomach it.” 

Ron had managed to stay out of the spotlight the past year, avoiding the many interview requests that he was offered. Apparently every reporter in the wizarding world wanted to get their claws into him only second to Harry himself.

“You have my word. We will all make sure of that.” Harry had assured him, and Ron had wondered just what he had signed himself up for.

Once Ron was satisfied with his appearance, not that it mattered anyway he internally grumbled, he headed downstairs to meet Harry to floo to The Burrow where from which the whole Weasley family would travel to Hogwarts together.

Once they had made it there Ron had been stoic, not wanting to be there at all and not allowing himself to really look around at the place he had once thought of as a home away from home. The place that held both his best and now his worst memories.

He sat through the first half of the speeches in the Great Hall, being one of the only people with dry eyes as he purposely didn't listen to the words being spoken. 

The fucking Great Hall. He suddenly was angry again and couldn't believe that he had agreed to come, what the hell had he been thinking? He glanced up at the perfectly-fixed ceiling and it suddenly felt like the giant walls were closing in on him and he couldn't breathe properly. He barely noticed the looks on everyone's faces as he stood up and briskly walked away and out of the room, needing to get out of the castle.

He quickly made his way outside, already feeling better and started walking as he breathed in the fresh, open air. He knew that Hermione and the others were buried somewhere around the lake so he headed towards it, both needing to go, and desperately not wanting to.

Almost as soon as the lake was in his line of sight, he saw a large white stone in the shape of an oval that he’d never seen before and figured that was where she was. As he got closer and saw the three rows of small rectangle shapes on the ground next to the stone, his breath caught in his throat and his jaw started quivering. He almost turned around, but he forced himself to go on, not stopping until he stood in front of the twelve markers on the ground and looked down. 

They were small and unmarked, but the rectangles were ornerate and pretty. He scanned them all slowly, trying to see if something in him would instinctively know which one was hers, but none of them called out to him.

He cleared his throat. “Hey Hermione.” he started. “I’m sorry that I’m just now coming here, although I honestly didn't think that I ever would.” he gulped, his eyes filling up with tears. 

“Life is... going I guess. I think about you all the time, every second actually, but I’ll admit that I try not to. I’m sorry for that, it’s not like I want to _forget_ , it’s just that it’s still so hard for me...you have no idea.” 

He turned his head to look behind him and make sure that he was still alone before turning back. “Fuck, I _miss_ you. I miss you so much and I’m sorry that I was too much of an idiot to tell you that I was in love with you when I had the chance.” tears were freely falling down his face now as he sniffed. “I was _so_ in love with you..and I will never be able to love anyone the way that I loved you." 

He closed his eyes. "I don’t..I don’t know what to _do_ Hermione. I _want_ to make everyone happy, but all I do is make everyone miserable because I’m always in a bad mood. They all want the _old_ Ron back, but that Ron died when you did so I can’t _be_ him anymore.” he shook his head, hating the one sided conversation and strolled over to the giant oval. 

There were several paragraphs which he ignored, his eyes going down to stare at a small list, his eyes roaming down to find the name that he was looking for. It was the third one down.

_Hermione Granger_

He softly ran his finger over the name that was indented into the stone, allowing himself to feel the familiar feeling of guilt and grief that was now second nature to him when it came to her. How many times had he seen that very name neatly scrawled on the top of her finished school work _weeks_ before it was even due? How many times had he repeated that name in his mind, before _and_ after her death? Millions probably...countless times.

“Ron Weasley?” a hesitant and unfamiliar voice spoke from behind him.

He hastily wiped his eyes before turning around to see a Hogwarts student with Ravenclaw robes nervously wringing her hands as she walked towards him. She was vaguely familiar and he seemed to remember her at school with him when he was there, although she had been younger, Ginny’s year he thought. She was pretty, very pretty actually with tanned skin, long black hair and Native American features.

She looked at him nervously. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you or anything, I just..I lost someone too, the same way you did.” 

He gave her a small sad smile. “Who?”

She smiled appreciatively at him before walking up and pointing to a name on the list that was three names below Hermione’s.

_Cameron Palmer_

Ron put his hands in his pockets. “He was..”

“My boyfriend.” she confirmed, wiping a tear from her eye. “I miss him so much.”

“I know the feeling.” he said grimly. For some reason he felt an instant connection with this girl and it was as if he had always known her. Perhaps it was their shared experience of losing someone that they loved in the same horrific manner, but he was surprisingly welcome to her company.

She cleared her throat. “It had only been a few months, I mean a few months of us being together, but we were friends long before that. He had _finally_ talked me into being his girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry.” he said sincerely. “I only had one day with Hermione as ‘more than a friend’ if you could call it that. We didn't exactly get to _talk_ about what we were, but I’m pretty sure that we were together.” 

She nodded at him sadly. “I honestly don’t know why I felt the need to come over here and talk to you. I’m normally very introverted but I saw you and...you looked like the way I feel.” she finished.

“I’m glad you came over.” he reassured her. “Not that it’s ‘good’ to know that someone feels the same way that I do...but no one gets me anymore. They all act like I should get over it or something...but I can’t. And I’m just..it makes me angry all of the time.” he sighed. “You know I used to be funny? Or at least _I_ thought so.” 

“I thought you were. I mean, I remember seeing you around. I’m a year younger than you are of course, but it’s hard _not_ to know who Harry Potter’s best friend is. To be honest, I had a bit of a crush on you back then.”

He raised his eyebrows as she looked away in embarrassment. “Wow, I can’t believe that I just told you that!”

He chuckled. “So this is your last year then?” he asked her.

“Yes. I turned eighteen a few months back and I plan to start training to be a healer after school and get my own place. My parents are really strict and old fashioned you see, _especially_ my father. He has explicit rules that my sister and I are not allowed to date until he finds us ‘an appropriate suitor.’” she shook her head. “My parents never even _knew_ about Cam, they would have had a _fit._ Unfortunately because of this I have to act like he never even existed, and it’s been..it’s been hard having to pretend when I’m around them. It’s put a strain on our already rocky relationship.”

“I’m sorry to hear. That sounds rough.” he really did feel sorry for the girl, and for some reason he was sure that she didn't often open up to others the way she was opening up to him as she was now. “Uhm, I’m sorry, but you haven't even told me your name?”

“Oh, I didn't, did I? I’m Isabelle.”

“Nice to meet you Isabelle.” he stuck his hand out and she shook it with a smile. 

“Well...I had come over to just have a few words. I didn't mean for it to escalate to a full-blown conversation.” she ran her hand through her long hair.

“I’m glad it did...really.” he said. “As depressing as it sounds, I feel less alone now.”

She gave him another sad smile as she backed away. “It was nice to meet you Ron.”

“You too Isabelle.”

She turned around and headed back to the castle while he turned around to stare at the names for just a little longer. Hermione’s was the only one that he recognized, but he read them all out loud slowly, as if doing so would bring some kind of honor to their memory, knowing that they all had really existed at one point in time.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Several hours later, Ron found himself in the Hog’s head pub, having a drink with Seamus, Neville, Harry, Dean and George. It was just after dinner and they all had had quite a lot to drink so far, and were merrily talking and laughing together. The exception was Ron, who was sitting at the table, drinking as much as the rest of them, but had been sitting there mostly silent, the anger silently growing in him. 

The fact that everyone was laughing and joking on the anniversary of Hermione’s death was immensely bothering him, and he was silently fuming, trying to keep his cool. 

For a short while, he had tried to use alcohol to numb his pain after losing Hermione, and while it did help a little, he found that it tended to escalate his anger, so he tried not to drink very often at all. Finally, after another round of laughter after one of Seamus’s stupid as hell jokes, he snapped.

“I have something funny to say.” he said quietly.

Everyone instantly shut up and turned their attention to him. He did not miss the worried look exchanged between Harry and George.

With no expression on his face, he went on.“Once upon a time there once was an idiot who was desperately in love with his best friend, but he never acted on the feelings that he had for her because he was a fuckin’ insecure _coward_ . Then, one day when he least expected her to do so, she _kissed_ him! She kissed him and he was bloody over the moon about it, he had never felt happier than he did in that moment. And then, she died.”

Nobody said a word.

He raised his glass and let out a bark of laughter. “Oh c’mon! You guys are supposed to laugh. It’s _funny!_ ”

“It’s _not_ funny.” seethed Harry, looking at Ron as if he desperately wanted to hit him.

“Well. Can’t say I didn’t try.”Ron drained his cup and slammed it on the table before standing up. “Oh. And fuck you. All of you.” he snapped, before turning around and walking out of the pub. He looked behind him, grateful that no one had followed him. He walked several blocks down, no destination in mind, just needing to walk.

The last of the older Hogwarts students were making their way back to the castle. With the anniversary being today, they had been allowed to stay out much later than usual and had taken advantage of the rare occurrence. He sat on a bench and watched them walk by, jealous at how young and carefree they all looked. Had he ever looked that happy? He could hardly remember a time that he had been.

He then recognized Isabelle, she had two other girls on either side of her and he didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring. Suddenly one of her friends noticed this and nudged her side. When she looked and saw him her eyes widened in surprise and then sympathy. She said something quietly to her friends, urging them to go on without her. One of them wiggled her eyebrows at her, but she seemed to ignore it, and started to walk towards the bench that he was sitting on and stood in front of him.

“Hey.” she said hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

“No.” he muttered.

She sighed and looked around. “How can I help you?”

He didn't answer and she slowly sat next to him on the bench, but not too close. They sat in silence for a bit, and soon it was just the two of them left, everyone else was gone, the shops all now dark and empty. 

Ron was consumed with loneliness, and even as his brain screamed at him to not do what he did next, he did it anyway. He turned towards her, leaning in and capturing her lips with his. She seemed to be taken by surprise, but didn't move away from him, and when he started to pull back, she leaned forward and kissed him, her hands grabbing onto his shirt.

Before he knew it, they were full-on snogging on the bench, their hands in each other’s hair. Although he had to admit that he was attracted to her, he had no intentions of pursuing a relationship with her, or even liked her in that way. At that moment, he just needed this kind of comfort, and from the way that she was kissing him back, he figured that she felt the same.

He pulled away, panting. “Come with me?”

He watched as her eyes widened and she bit her lip in contemplation before nodding yes. 

He took her hand and a second later they were in the smallest room at the Hog’s Head Inn. Ron knew that Aberforth kept this room empty in case anyone got so drunk at the pub that they needed a place to stay for the night. After a quick glance around to confirm that it was empty, Ron again started hungrily kissing her as they made their way to the lone bed in the room. 

It didn't take long before all of their clothing was discarded as they took comfort in each other. The physical pleasure that Ron was feeling was allowing him to not think about anything else, and the break from the constant pain was soothing to his soul. It was very loving despite the fact that neither of them loved the other, and when it was over, they laid in bed shoulder to shoulder.

Now that all of his senses were no longer overwhelmed, everything about the day came back to him in a rush. He put his hands over his face and tried to hide his tears, feeling so ashamed of what he had just done. 

“Shite I’m _so_ sorry. I took advantage of you Isabelle.” he said in between his fingers.

“You didn't take advantage of me. I told you yes didn't I?” she replied, sitting up on her elbow to look at him.

“You're still a bloody student! I shouldn't have-”

“I’m only _one_ year younger than you. _And_ I’m a legal adult. Stop making yourself out to be the bad guy Ron.”

He didn't say anything for several minutes. “But I love Hermione, I love _her_ and I just slept with _you_.” he said quietly.

“And I love Cameron, yet I slept with you.” she wiped a tear away from her face. “It’s not like either of us could have who we really wanted.”

“Have you ever...I mean was this your first..?”

She shook her head no but didn't look at him. 

“I was raised better than this.” he muttered. “I feel like I, I don't know, disrespected you or something. I mean we only met today.”

She turned to him, smiling slightly. “You're a real good guy Ron. I’m glad that we met. And I don't regret anything because it made me...forget for a bit.”

He nodded in understanding and they gave each other a small smile before standing up and getting re-dressed in silence.

Once they were dressed, they bid each other goodbye on friendly terms. Despite the fact that there were no romantic feelings in between them, both of them wanted to keep in touch with each other and promised to write. When Ron got home later that night, he only felt slightly better than he had when he had woken up that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This was one chapter that I already had mostly written so I went ahead and posted.
> 
> Reminder again to trust me!
> 
> Reviews optional but will love you if you put one :)


	3. The Right Thing

May 13th

_Ron,_

_I hope everything is going well. I read in the prophet that you were the lead in a case that busted a small group of wanted death eaters and I have to admit that your job sounds pretty impressive...though a bit scary._

_Absolutely nothing is going on around here at Hogwarts except for a ton of studying and cramming for our N.E.W.T’s. The teachers have given us a crazy amount of homework and although it is incredibly overwhelming, keeping busy has been a blessing._

_It’s so hard being here without Cam, every classroom, and everything around here brings back a memory of him. I keep it together during the day, but at night I put a silencing charm around my bed and allow myself to cry. I just want to hurry up and graduate so I can get out of here...I need to move on and do something with my life._

_Well, I need to get to class, so if you're able to, write back and let me know how you are doing._

_Isabelle_

May 24thth

_Iz (can I call you Iz? Sod it, I’m doing it)_

_Sorry, been swamped at work so I’m just now getting back to a reply._

_Ah that article. The papers always make it sound more exciting that it really is (just kidding, I was totally a badass that day) And yes, my job is impressive and scary, but the best thing about it is that it occupies my time wonderfully so I can't drown in a pit of despair. (semi-joking)_

_I always dreaded N.E.W.T’s and am very happy that I didn't ever have to take them (seems that being a key person in taking down Voldemort earns you the right to skip them..FYI)_

_I’m sorry that it’s been hard, I can certainly understand. Every place that I have ever been with Hermione reminds me of her…(Hermione read a book in that chair...Hermione once accidentally left her toothbrush by this sink, Hermione smiled at me once from that doorway, and the list goes on and on and on) She was always there so even still she is ingrained deeply into every piece of my life. This both sustains me and breaks me, but that’s just how it is now._

_Good luck with your N.E.W.T’s! Haha_

_Ron_

May 29th

_Ron_

_Sorry, but I’m not too fond of ‘Iz’, but I appreciate the sentiment._

_You seem better...at least you're joking some, that made me glad to read._

_If you don't mind, I’m going to confide in you now. Cam’s best friend (his name is Derek) and I have been getting a lot closer lately. I’ve been getting the feeling that he wants to be with me, but I’m not exactly sure how to feel about it. I know it’s been over a year since I’ve lost Cam, but I still don’t think that I’m ready to be in a relationship just yet. Derek has really been there for me, he gets my pain because he misses Cam too and he’s really great...but I just don't know. Would that be betraying Cam’s memory? Is it so horrible that I can even think about having feelings for someone else?_

_Then of course there’s the issue of my parents and how they would react (they would absolutely NOT be okay with it) but I know that eventually I’m going to have to tell them how I feel about them choosing who I am to be with. They cannot make me marry someone that I don't want to if I refuse and I certainly will do so. My father has been hinting in letters that there is a man that he would like me to meet and I’m absolutely dreading this talk._

_So back to Derek. What do you think? Is it too soon?_

_Isabelle_

June 2nd

_Iz (sorry, name’s here to stay)_

_Yes I have been feeling better lately, definitely a lot less angry. I’ve been being strict on myself about how I act, and I’ve also been reading some muggle self-help books (they are actually pretty brilliant believe it or not...I keep thinking that Hermione would love that I’m capable of reading when I’m not forced to do so) My family has even noticed the change, and I feel good that I can make them a little bit happier. I’m still not back to how I was before, and I don't think that I ever will be, but I’m happy to be improving anyway._

_As for Derek, I’m not going to tell you to go for it or not go for it because only you can decide that. I will say that if you think that he’s something special, and if you can see yourself falling for him, then don't keep it from him. My biggest regret is not telling Hermione how I felt about her, and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Do warn him though, that you have a big, strong auror friend that will kick his arse if he fucks it up. (only slightly kidding)_

_I do hope that you tell your parents the truth soon, they are operating in the wrong time, this isn't the 1800’s! You're their daughter, not their property, and you should be able to marry or be with whoever the hell you want to without their permission._

_Ron_

June 8th

_Ron_

_You don't know how happy that makes me to hear that you are doing better! I know that you will never be the same (nor will I) but I’m certain that neither Cam nor Hermione would want us to live a miserable life because they are no longer here so that keeps me going._

_As for Derek, I have recently begun to admit to myself that I do indeed really like him. Part of this makes me feel so happy, but the other part of me goes to bed and cries into my pillow for the guilt that I feel. This whole thing isn't fair at all. I only ever wanted to be with Cam but Derek is slowly stealing my heart as well, and I feel that I’m being pulled in two different directions...it’s not a fun feeling. We aren't together or anything as of yet, and he told me that he’d take it as slow as I needed and he’d wait for me. I’m so glad that he’s been so understanding._

_If you knew my parents, you would know it’s simply not that easy, especially being raised as I have. I have always been told to never question what my father wants, but to just do what he says. I will tell them one day soon...just not as bluntly as you would._

_I saw in the prophet that you are one of London’s top eligible bachelors, congrats! There were also several interviews with women who are claiming to date you. I have a hard time believing this, but if it is true I hope that this is a good thing and not a way of you coping with things._

_I got my N.E.W.T scores back and I did pretty wonderfully. I cannot wait to start my training to become a healer, and to start helping others...it’s been my lifelong dream. Graduation is just around the corner...so close!_

_(very grudgingly, Iz)_

June 16th 

_Iz (I knew you would learn to accept it)_

_I'm glad that you are happy that I seem happier...and for the most part I am. There are of course days that are awful, and I just want to crawl away in a hole and die (sorry so grim) but I do want to be better for those that I love. (It’s OK that you’re NOT OK...picked that quote from one of my books...and it’s helped me)_

_I still say to just tell your parents to fuck off...but I understand that it’s a sensitive subject so I’ll leave it alone for now as I’ll be no help there at all._

_Onto Derek, I hope that you find happiness with him, you deserve it. He seems to know that he needs to take things slow and I urge you to do so as well. Losing someone you love is hard as hell and I can only imagine the amount of conflicting emotions that you must be feeling. Maybe one day I can meet him and tell you my opinion in a brotherly sort of way but regardless, if you're happy with him then I’m very happy for you!_

_As for me? Nope! That article was all bull! I haven't even met any of those women who are claiming to be dating me! To tell you the truth, I don't want them, or anyone else for that matter. When I say that I’m content to spend my life alone, I really mean it. Harry thinks that I am just trying to make myself lonely and miserable out of guilt, but that’s not true. (well not fully true anyway) I honestly don't feel the need to be with anyone and I really think that I’m meant to be alone (at least as far as being in a romantic relationship with a woman goes)_

_Ron_

July14th

_Iz_

_I’m just checking in on you because I haven't heard anything from you in a long while. I know you already graduated so congratulations! I know how much you were looking forward to getting out of there. Send me a letter every once in a while to let me know that you're okay!_

_Ron_

July 29th

_Iz_

_You're starting to worry me. Did you have that talk with your parents? Is that why you aren't writing me back? I hope they don't have you locked in the basement wearing a chastity belt. (only half-kidding) Please just let me know that you're safe!_

_Ron_

Aug 3rd

_Ron_

_I’m sorry, I’ve just been extremely busy in the healer training program. I’m okay._

_Isabelle_

Aug 6th

_Iz (regardless of how you sign your name)_

_Whew. glad to know that you're okay! Congrats on getting into the program! I hope that this is what you need and that you flourish in it! How are you and Derek? Have you talked to your parents yet?_

_Ron_

Aug 25th

_No. I haven't talked to them. And I broke it off with Derek (please don't ask me why, I’m not ready to talk about it yet)_

Aug 29th

_Iz_

_I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there nothing to be done? You seemed so happy! Is there anything I can do? I’m worried._

_Ron_

September 15th

_Iz_

_Hey I haven't heard from you...if you could pacify my worries, I’d appreciate it._

_Ron_

September 26th

_Iz_

_Helllooo???_

_Ron_

October 5th

_Still worried about you._

_Ron_

Using a ministry owl, Ron sent the last letter to Isabelle. He had been continually getting more worried that something wasn't right with her and it was gnawing at him, he hoped she would give him an explanation soon. 

It was a Wednesday and the work day had been going extremely slow with Harry out on a mission while he was unfortunately stuck doing paperwork. He and Neville had planned to meet for lunch at a nearby sandwich shop during lunch break and he had made a quick stop at the owlery before heading out.

When he stepped outside he took a deep breath of the fresh (as fresh as the city air could be anyway) and slightly chilly air. It was a beautiful day and like almost every second, his thoughts were consumed with thoughts of Hermione. What would she be doing now if she were alive? Would she be proud of all that he was accomplishing? Would he have even chosen to _be_ an auror if she were still here? 

Too lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice a middle-aged man quickly approaching him until the man’s fist roughly collided with his face, knocking his body into the brick wall next to him. Before he could react, there was a wand against his throat and the man’s face was inches away from his own.

“Tell me why I shouldn't curse you, you piece of shite?” the man snarled. The man did not look at all familiar and Ron knew he had never seen him before.

Ron opened his mouth to respond when the stranger was suddenly thrown back from him. Bewildered, he turned to see Neville holding his wand out towards the man, his face full of anger.

“Oi. What do you think you're doing attacking an Auror like that? He’s a war hero, show the man some respect.” Neville barked.

The man scoffed at Neville. “ _Respect_ ? Your friend here couldn't keep it in his pants and now my daughter is _pregnant_!” The man screamed, his face red with unhinged rage.

“What are you _talking_ about?” Ron said incredulously.

The man again turned to Ron.“Isabelle Stewart, ring a bell playboy?”

Ron felt the blood drain from his face. Was it true? Was that the reason that she had stopped writing to him?

“Where is she?” he demanded in a weak voice.

The man gave a loud bark of laughter. “Why do you want to know, asshole? Haven’t you done _enough_? You have brought shame to my whole family and now my daughter is going to give birth to a bastard!”

Ron too, suddenly felt angry and narrowed his eyes as he spoke. “Don’t you _dare._ If what you say is true, and your daughter is pregnant with my child, I’m going to step up. I _won’t_ abandon her.”

The man studied him curiously, although he was far from not being angry. “What makes you think that I can believe you? That I will even _allow_ you to get near her again?”

Not wanting to lose his composure and hit the man, Ron curled his fists at his sides and spoke slowly. “Your daughter is an _adult_ and is more than capable of making her own decisions. I will talk to her first and then _we_ will decide what to do.”

The man did not reply, and with a final glare at both Ron and Neville, he turned and disapparated. Ron let out a moan of anger as he ran his fingers through his hair, his hands shaking. 

Neville pocketed his wand and took a few steps towards him. “Ron..?” he asked hesitantly.

Ron didn't have the patience nor the incentive to explain anything to him at the moment. “Neville. Please don’t say anything. To anyone.” Neville nodded and Ron thanked him before disapparating straight to his room in Grimmauld Place. He grabbed a piece of parchment and jotted down a quick note, his hands still shaking.

_We need to talk. Now._

He folded it and walked across the room to take an overly excited Pig out of his cage. “Take this straight to Isabelle. Don't come back until she sends a reply.” he demanded as he tied the letter onto the owl’s tiny leg before the bird happily fluttered away out the window. 

He let out a loud sigh as he sat down on the edge of his bed, putting his head in his hands. He again cursed himself for that night, it had been a mistake all the way around and he regretted it. Even before he had learned that she was pregnant he had felt extremely guilty, even though she had insisted several times that he hadn't taken advantage of her. 

He hoped against hope that the man had been somehow mistaken, but he knew that it was unlikely as everything lined up, the letters, her breaking it off with Derek. He thought about how many times had he gotten the awkward ‘sex talk’ from his parents. How could he have forgotten to use the damn contraception spell? It was just one simple and easy thing, yet his mind had not even been close to thinking coherently that night and now he would be paying the price for it.

He knew that he was nowhere near ready to be a father. He already felt that he was spreading himself thin between his job, his few friends, and his large family. And what kind of role model would he be? He constantly cursed, he had bouts of anger that he was still learning to control, and he was still very much grieving the loss of Hermione. What child would want _him_ as their father?

Unable to do anything but wait for her reply, he stood up and started pacing his small room, his hands running through his hair as a bunch of jumbled thoughts ran through his head. He didn't think that she lived very far but he wasn't sure where her house was. He didn't know what he would do if she ignored his letter as he had no other way to get in touch with her and he needed to talk to her as soon as possible.

About fifteen minutes later, he let out a sigh of relief as he saw Pig flying back, a small piece of parchment in his tiny talons. When the owl proudly gave him the paper, he hastily opened it up to see only an address written on it in her handwriting. 

Closing his eyes he disapparated with a pop, landing on the sidewalk in front of a very nice looking three story house. Everything about the outside of it was immaculate and it seemed more like a museum than a home.

He spotted Isabelle standing outside on the front steps at the same time that she spotted him. He watched as she hurriedly walked towards him, grabbing his arm and steering him away from the house. 

“Let’s walk.” she said, not giving him a choice as she briskly walked down the sidewalk. 

Ron gave one quick last glance at the house before he followed her. He thought he briefly saw a curtain move and a woman's face glaring at him from inside, but he ignored it and continued on. 

They walked in silence until they got to the end of the road, where there was an expanse of trees. They walked on a little path until they were completely hidden before she stopped and turned to him.

“Ron I- I’m so sorry!” she cried, putting her head in her hands and finally breaking away from her stony and silent demeanor.

He was taken aback. He figured that she would be furious with him. “You don’t- I mean, you have nothing to apologise for Isabelle. This is _my_ fault.”

“It’s _both_ of our faults.” she sniffed.

He put his hands in his pockets and nodded. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“Okay? Well, my family thinks that I’m a disappointment and they want to send me away. I’ve been hiding this for _months_ because I’ve been so terrified of their reactions...but I wasn't able to hide it anymore.” she ran her fingers through her hair nervously.

His eyes instantly dropped to stare at her middle but she was wearing a large coat that didn’t show him any proof that she was carrying his child. She saw what he was looking at and she slowly opened the coat to show him. Under the coat she was wearing a snug top and he was now looking at a small but very obvious pregnant belly. He felt the air leave his lungs and resisted the urge to whimper because this was now very _real._

She looked at his expression and started crying again.“I know I should have told you sooner Ron. I just _couldn't_...I tried to ignore it myself honestly. I went through a long period of denial and by the time that I had come to terms with it, I didn't want to bother you with it...you said you were finally feeling better and I didn't want to ruin it.”

Ron's eyes didn't leave her middle, still staring in disbelief. “You should have told me though, I have a _right_ to know.” He saw her nod guiltily. “Are you even...are you _sure_ it’s mine?” he asked.

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Of _course_ I’m sure. I was never with Derek like that! We were just starting a relationship and taking things slow and-”

“That’s why you broke it off with him then?” Ron interrupted. 

She nodded sadly. “I couldn't burden him with something that he had nothing to do with. I ended up telling him that I realized that we weren't right for each other. Soon after, he left and took a job in America. He took it pretty hard and we’re not...we’re not on friendly terms anymore.” He saw her jaw quivering as she stared at the ground.

“I’m so sorry Iz..for that..for _this.”_ He gestured to her protruding belly. 

She only nodded at him before staring down to the ground, looking like she was trying not to cry again.

“We should get married.” he said softly.

“Wh-what?” she sniffed. 

He continued, his voice quiet.“I was raised better than to just go around and get girls pregnant. I’m going to take responsibility for this and I won’t let you do this by yourself.”

“But _marriage_? Do you know what you’re really committing to Ron?”

“I do. I figured that I’d never get married of course, not after...Hermione.” he swallowed. “But maybe this _isn't_ such a bad thing? I wouldn't be lonely anymore, and I’d take good care of you and the baby...I’d get us our own place. I promise that I will try to be the best husband that I could be, and the best dad as well. I can't make any promises about how good I’ll be, but I can try. It would probably help patch things up with _your_ family, and _my_ family would expect nothing less from me.” He cleared his throat. “I mean if you’ll have me of course, whatever you want to do Iz, this is _entirely_ your decision.”

He watched her eyes fill with tears. “I...I just don't know. I’ll have to think about it, it’s a really big deal.”

He slightly shrugged, giving her a sad smile. “Well so is having a baby, but that’s apparently going to happen.”

She reached down and put her hand on her belly as she took a shaky sigh. “Ok Ron. I’ll marry you. But only because I don’t think that I can do this alone.”

He nodded. “Ok. That settles it. 

“I guess it does.” she said almost sadly.

He hesitantly took her hand. “Hey, it’ll be ok, alright? You’re not alone in this.”

She took another shaky breath. “I just hate how this whole thing feels like a business deal rather than a proposal.”

“I’m sorry.” he told her sincerely, not knowing what else to say.

They then said their goodbyes as she reluctantly headed home to tell her family the news while he planned to head to The Burrow to tell his own family. 

He dreaded that he was going to have to tell his family that he was both going to get married _and_ be a father very soon. He decided to delay the conversation by walking back to Grimmauld Place before floo’ing to The Burrow. It was only a few miles from where he was and as he started walking, the day suddenly changed from beautiful to dreary as it started to rain. He kept walking, feeling numb and ignoring the rain pelting all over his body.

He was going to be married, he was going to be a father, his whole life was about to completely change. Unwillingly, images of Hermione looking beautiful wearing a wedding dress, and Hermione smiling at him with a newborn infant in her arms came to mind and they made him feel like he was repeatedly being stabbed in the chest. As he walked, he was grateful to the rain for hiding both the sound of his cries and the tears that were pouring down his face.


	4. Life

Beta’d by be11atrixthestrange, don’t forget to go check out her wonderful work!!!

*Three Weeks Later*

“Mum, it’s _fine_. I’m a grown man, I don't need you fussing over me.” Run grumbled as Molly ran a comb through his hair for the fifth time. They were up in his old room at The Burrow, and once again he was glad that his mum hadn't changed it a bit. Since he had moved out, it had remained a familiar and comforting place to come back to whenever he needed it.

“It’s your _Wedding_ day Ronald, you need to look your best.” she replied, finishing with his hair and stepping back to cup his face in her hands and stare up at him. “I am _so_ proud of you, you know that right?” she asked, a few tears slipping down her face.

He immediately felt uncomfortable from her praise. “For what, knocking my pen-pal up?” he joked, trying to make the atmosphere lighter.

Molly ignored his words. “For always wanting to do what’s right. For still trying to help others even though there are times that you can hardly help yourself.”

Ron definitely hadn't wanted to feel emotional on this day, but regardless, he felt his eyes start to water and pulled her in for a tight hug. “Thanks mum. I love you.”

They were interrupted by Harry walking into the room. “Everything’s ready.” he said, running his hands nervously through his hair.

Ron took a deep breath as Molly stepped away from him, patting his chest affectionately before turning around and heading downstairs to join the rest of the family out in the garden. 

He walked over to the window and looked down at the people there. Since everything had been so rushed, they had decided on a very simple and small ceremony. There was only the immediate Weasley family, Harry, and Isabelle’s parents and sister attending.

Isabelle’s parents hadn't been too thrilled when their daughter had broken the news that she was going to marry Ron, but had since come around after finding out that Ron was a pureblood. Her father had apologized for attacking Ron outside the sandwich shop and had been trying to make amends since. Ron had accepted the apology for Iz’s sake, but still did not like the man at all and doubted he ever would. Even before their confrontation he had thought badly of how strict and domineering he was over his daughter, and now he could add prejudiced to the list.

“You okay mate?” Harry asked, walking up behind him as he stood unmoving, still staring out of the window.

Ron turned and met Harry’s gaze. “Yeah, m’alright.” And he really was. In fact, he felt oddly numb, as if he were about to go on a mission and was super focused on going and getting things done properly. Not what one should be feeling on their wedding day he supposed, but it could have been worse.

“Good. You ready?” Harry asked nervously.

Ron let out a small chuckle. “You’re really nervous Harry. This isn't _your_ wedding day.”

Harry smiled sheepishly.“It’s just...I just hope everything works out well is all. I want you to be happy.”

Ron turned to the mirror and once again straightened his dress robes.“Iz is great, I could do a helluva lot worse than her.”

“But you aren't in love with her..?” Harry asked, his eyes shifting guiltily.

Ron turned around to face him.“No. But I _do_ care for her... _and_ she's pregnant with my baby.”

“D’you...do you think you could fall in love with her, y’know, eventually?” Harry asked hopefully.

Ron took a moment to think about the question. She was pretty, she was smart, he immensely enjoyed talking to and spending time with her and yet...there was no real spark between them. Sure, he had been with her that one night, but it was his desperation to drive away his pain that had led things, rather than thoughts of her. He cared a great deal about her, but he couldn't see himself falling for her, especially not in the way that he had fallen in love with Hermione.

“Yeah. Probably...eventually.” he lied, glad to see a look of relief cross his best friend’s face as they walked down the stairs together.

The rest of the day went by so fast that it had been a blur, and fortunately everything had gone as well as Ron could have expected. There had been no mistakes or catastrophes, and he had dutifully stayed right next to a very quiet and subdued Iz. Fortunately her family had left soon after the ceremony, even as the Weasleys had made up a feast along with plenty of drinks to go around, which most of them had taken advantage of. Iz couldn't drink of course, and Ron decided not to as well, so he held his new wife’s hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze every once in a while. Although her demeanor had relaxed some once her family left, she still seemed to be pretty shy around all of his outgoing and loud red-haired family.

He leaned in close to her ear. “You’ve been quiet. What’s wrong?” he whispered.

She gave him a nervous smile. “I’m fine. I’m just not sure that I fit in with your family...I feel that they don't appreciate you being forced into a marriage.”

“Hey. Listen to me.” he pulled her hand to rest with his under his chin. “They love me and they respect this choice. They don’t blame you at all and are more than willing to accept you with no judgement and welcome you into the family. You must understand that alright?”

He saw her eyes water and he hesitantly brought the back of her hand to his lips to reassure her. “If _I_ care about you, then _they_ do too, I promise. Trust me.”

She gave him a small smile and he leaned back and put his arm around her shoulders. Eventually she was forced into conversations with his various family members and he could tell that she was starting to relax and enjoy herself and it made him feel loads better.

Earlier that day, Ginny had helped Iz vanish all of her belongings from her parents house over to Ron’s small room at Grimmauld Place. He had already been looking at other places that they could potentially move into, knowing that they would need more space once the baby came, but he hadn't found the right place quite yet. 

It was getting late, and although some members of his family were still going all-out with games and drinks and happy chatter, Ron noticed that Isabelle was looking tired and decided that they would go ahead and call it a night. Harry and Ginny had assured him earlier that they would be staying at The Burrow for the night so he and Iz could have some privacy, even though Ron had told them that they wouldn't need any, but much to his embarrassment they had insisted. 

So the newlyweds had made their way around the small but homey living room to say their goodbyes to everyone before floo’ing over to Grimmauld place. Once they made it to the empty house and were completely alone, Ron suddenly felt very awkward.

He made his way to the kitchen to get a drink of water for something to do. “You, uh, you need anything from the kitchen?” he asked her. 

“No thank you,” she responded, looking just as nervous as he was.

He walked out, quickly summoning a cup and putting ice water in it and taking a long sip. When he walked back out to the living room she was walking around and looking at all of the pictures that were on the walls. “You three seemed to always be together,” she mused.

“Yeah...we were.” he agreed, walking up to stand next to her with his hands in his pockets. Most of the pictures indeed featured the trio from times as early as first year, although there were generous amounts of various members of the Weasley family on the walls as well.

“Can you point me towards the bathroom? Pregnancy-bladder.” she grinned.

He pointed her in the right direction and when she came out, they went to his room together. He picked up some pyjamas and went into the adjoining bathroom to take a quick shower while he left her to get her own things situated.

She was already in her pyjamas and laying in bed when he came out of the bathroom. She had hastily wiped her eyes to try and hide it, but he knew that she had been crying.

He got into bed as well and turned towards her. “What's the matter?” he asked, hesitantly taking her hand in his.

“I’m sorry. I didn't want you to see that. I guess it all just seems so... _final_ now.” Her eyes widened as if she had said something wrong. “Not that I don't appreciate everything that you have done for me Ron, because I _really_ do. It’s just that-”

“I know.” He smiled sadly at her. “You don't have to say it, believe me, I know.”

She nodded at him appreciatively and let out a sigh before looking at him nervously.

He suddenly realized what she was probably thinking about and he hurried to clear it up. “I hope you don’t think that we have to, you know, _do_ anything tonight. I’m content to just go to sleep...it’s been a long day.” he assured her.

She smiled at him gratefully. “It has been a long day hasn't it?”

He agreed and they laid there together in silence for several minutes before he closed his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep.

“Ron?” she said suddenly, startling him.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. “Yeah?”

She reached out her hand towards him. “Give me your hand.”

He was extremely confused as he put his hand in hers, and even more so when she pulled it down the front of her body. She splayed his open palm on her protruding belly and gently pushed it down against her. He was about to ask her why she was doing this, when he felt something pushing back.

“What the-” his mouth hung open in awe. “Is that what I _think_ it is?”

She gave a small laugh and nodded her head.

“Woah.” he exclaimed as he felt it again, but harder this time. “That’s like feeling an alien lifeform or something...it’s fascinating!”

“My child is _not_ an alien lifeform,” she responded jokingly.

“Excuse me, _our_ child is not an alien lifeform,” he retorted, still amazed.

“Yes...ours.” she whispered. 

It was silent again for several moments before she spoke again.“Do you really think that we can be happy together Ron?”

He swallowed. “I think we can be, yeah. And when I made you that promise to try my hardest to make it happen, I really did mean it Iz.”

“I know you did. Which is one of the reasons I feel bad about being so upset right now...you're really an amazing man, and I’m lucky to have you as my husband.”

“Thanks.” he said slowly as he shifted in the bed a little, a tad uncomfortable at her compliments. “We’ll work on this okay? This is all still so new and overwhelming. It will take time...but we’ll get there.” 

She smiled and shifted a little closer to him before closing her eyes with a content look on her pretty face. Soon he heard her breathing turn slow and rhythmic and he knew that she had fallen asleep. He tried to will himself to do the same, but staring at his sleeping new-wife, he could feel his grief slowly but surely seeping into his chest. He had tried to hold it back all day but it was coming back hard and insistent after being ignored for so long. 

He slowly crept out of bed, walking out of the room and closing the door behind him. He walked downstairs, and trying to keep himself in control he started pacing in front of the couch breathing heavily before sitting down. He put his head into his hands and finally broke down, his body shaking as he allowed himself to cry.

“I’m sorry Hermione.” he quietly moaned. “It should be you, I want it to be _you_.” Feeling weak and despondent, he grabbed a pillow and clutched it to his chest as he laid sideways on the couch. He stared, unmoving at the wall for a while before he slowly drifted off to sleep.

  
  


x

  
  


Ron stepped out of the fireplace after a blissfully easy day of work and dusted himself off with his wand in order to not get the cream-colored carpet dirty. After just a month of being married, they had moved from Grimmauld Place into a house that was small but elegant without being too lavish. It was just on the outskirts of London and he and Iz had both immediately fallen in love with it. 

He looked up and immediately saw Iz on the couch folding clean laundry, but before he could greet her he heard a small and happy voice calling out from behind the couch.

“Daddy!” 

He turned his head to the left and then the right before looking at his wife. “Did you hear that Iz? I thought that I heard something?”

“No, I didn't hear anything.” Iz smiled, waving her wand to send all of the folded clothes to their designated rooms.

He tried not to smile as he heard a loud giggle.

“Ah, oh well. I guess it was just my imagination!” he said as Iz stood up and walked into the kitchen, presumably to check on dinner.

A small boy jumped out from behind the couch, a giant grin plastered on his face. “It wasn't your matchination Daddy, it was _me_ , Max!”

“Max! When did you get here bud?” Ron exclaimed as he scooped up the small 3 ½ year old in his arms and covered his face with kisses.

Still holding his son, he made his way to the kitchen to see if he could be of any help. 

“Man it smells great in here!” he said as he walked in, filling his lungs with the delicious smell.

“Roast!” answered Max happily as he hugged Ron tightly around his neck.

“Roast you say? I cannot _wait._ Your mummy’s pretty great isn't she? We sure are two lucky blokes.”

“Yep!”

Ron walked over to Iz and kissed her softly on top of her head. “How was your day?”

“Uneventful really. Mainly just kept this little one busy all day.” 

Max wriggled out of his arms and slid to the floor when he spotted one of his favorite toys.

“Maybe we should have another one.” Ron mused, watching Max as he ran a toy truck over the floor, making motor noises. (Max had definitely inherited Arthur’s love for muggle things, especially things with motors)

“I don’t know. Do you _know_ Max? He’s quite a handful.” she laughed.

“But he's so damn cute.” Ron replied, still staring at the boy on the floor. He was cute, and a perfect mixture of them both. His hair was ginger, although several shades darker than Ron’s, and he had beautiful light brown eyes.

Iz sighed. “Cute does not equal easy to handle unfortunately. And also...well I was actually going to talk to you about it later tonight but..I’ve been given a lot of thought about picking up where I left off with being a healer. I mean, I was happy to stop so I could stay home with Max of course...but he’s not a baby anymore. I’m sure that your mum would be more than willing to watch him if I started working part time and I think that I would really enjoy it...”

“Oh!” he said, surprised. “Well of course. If that’s what you want to do, then great! I can certainly wait for another one.”

Her face lit up as she hugged him. “I’m so glad that you think it’s a good idea. Thanks for always being my biggest supporter, husband.”

“Of course, wife.” he smiled. 

They all washed up and had a nice dinner together before Ron took Max as he usually did and helped him get ready for bed. After he gave him his bath, Ron got him dressed and tucked him in and laid with him in the small bed. Once he was certain that the child was asleep, he quietly crept out of the room and into his own.

Iz was already asleep as he crawled under the covers and he moved slowly to avoid waking her. He was more content at this point in his life than he had ever thought he’d be. Max’s birth had been a stunning realization to him that his heart was still able to feel a love so deep, if only in a different way. He and Iz had only gotten closer, and he would probably be bothered to admit it out loud, but he depended on her an extreme amount. Although he loved her very much, he had never fallen _in love_ with her. She grounded him and helped keep him in a good headspace, and even on his worst days he held onto the thought of her like an anchor. Her presence calmed him, and reminded him that even though he had lost the only girl that he would ever be in love with, his wife would always be there. A look, or a touch of her hand sometimes meant the world to him as they held him back from going over that hard edge as he was sometimes tempted to do...to just re-drown in his grief that although had not lessened, was now much easier to keep at bay when Iz was near. 

They had never spoken out loud of their true feelings for each other, but they both somehow knew. Sure, there was no fiery passionate flames between them, but instead a gentle and calming type of love. They slept together regularly, as husband and wives do, but just like their first time that they had done so it was more so of a means of getting comfort from each other. When they came together, he was always gentle with her, cherishing her and silently letting her know just how much she meant to him. 

Although his body was tired, his mind was wide awake and as he sometimes did when he couldn't sleep, he closed his eyes and re-lived his favorite memories from a time when Hermione was still alive. It had been just over five years, but her memory in his mind was still as sharp as ever and he found that he didn't love or miss her any less as time passed. He still cried from time to time, but hardly ever sobbed as he used to, but that was more due to the fact that he had learned how to live with it. The sharp pain in his chest, although duller at times, was still there and he reckoned it was now just as a part of him as all of his scars were.

As he finally drifted off to sleep, he had no idea that the next day would completely change his life forever.

  
  


x

  
Okay, sh*t’s about to get _real_! Thanks for reading <3


	5. Back

She had  _ kissed _ him. After all of those years of wanting to do so she had  _ finally _ done it and to her absolute astonishment, he had kissed her back! There had been a moment in the Room of Requirement after he had expressed genuine concern about the house elves and she had no longer been able to hold herself back. Her long-hidden feelings had completely taken over her body and she had been powerless to stop the unadulterated  _ want _ for him that had coursed through her in that moment that she had thrown herself at him. After years of thinking that the concept of them as  _ more _ than friends was out of her reach, she now knew with certainty that not only was it  _ possible _ , it was well within her grasp. Maybe a tiny part of her had always known how he felt about her, but with the way that he had kissed her back and the unguarded way that he had looked at her since then, there was no longer any doubt in her mind.

As much as she wanted to fully dwell in this blissful thought, there was still dangerous work to be done. She felt reassured by the feeling of Ron’s strong back against hers as they both dueled against two others from Voldemort’s side. The woman that she was dueling against shot a stunning spell her way and while Hermione was able to block it just in time with a shield charm, the powerful spell knocked her sideways. She flew through the air several feet before landing hard on the stone floor, feeling a snap as she landed on her ankle. The adrenaline of the battle allowed her to not feel the pain of it as she hastily stood up, wobbling just a little before she sent a stunning spell back and had a moment of pure satisfaction as she watched the woman fly backwards and land on the floor, unconscious.

Before she could so much as turn her eyes away from the still form, the air was filled with the sound of someone screaming in agony. She quickly spun around to see Ron on the floor, writhing in a way that she unfortunately knew all too well. Fury and fear that she had never known before coursed through her as she screamed his name before sending a stunning spell to the man that currently had his wand trained on the boy that she loved and watched him fall as well. 

She sighed in relief when Ron almost immediately sat up, hurriedly looking around until his eyes landed on her, his body sagging in relief when he saw her and his face losing the tension that had just been there when he saw that she was okay. 

Just then there was an ear splitting noise above them, and when she looked up she saw the ceiling crumbling and looking almost as if it were on fire, red-hot heat slowly spreading above them. She was still staring, trying to figure out just how the ceiling had come to be that way when she heard Ron’s desperate shout telling her to watch out. She just barely managed to back out of the way as a large part of the ceiling came crashing down only feet in front of her, momentarily making it hard to breathe because of the dust around her. 

When the dust settled and she was able to see Ron again, his blue eyes were wide and looking at her with so much panic and fear, and when she looked up she realized why. A giant part of the ceiling that was red hot and melting had just detached, and was quickly starting its journey towards the ground and she was right in its path. 

A few thoughts ran through her mind all at once in the moment that she realized that it was about to fall right on top of her. She knew that she would be unable to avoid it by moving away, so magic would be her only chance. Her first thought was apparition, but she wasn’t sure if Voldemort and his followers had been able to break that particular enchantment at Hogwarts and knew that trying would only waste time. 

For some reason, the image of Nagini in her little sphere of protection entered her mind and she was reminded of an old spell that she had read about a while ago. It was a spell that worked similar to the way that a vanishing cabinet worked, and once cast, it put you into a bubble of ‘nothingness’ for a bit until the counter spell was used to get out. 

She tried to tell Ron with her eyes that it would be okay, that  _ she  _ would be okay as she gripped her wand in her hand and uttered the spell. She watched his desperate face as he pointed his wand and screamed the slowing charm at the top of his lungs, the light flying out of his wand and speeding right by her. With her eyes still on his, she felt a sharp pain on the top of her head and then everything went black.

x

Hermione let out a groan of pain as she came into consciousness and slowly cracked her eyes open, but wherever she was it was pitch black and she couldn’t see anything at all. She was lying on her stomach over a cool smooth surface and her head was throbbing painfully and felt heavy, like it was made out of lead. She knew that something bad had happened to her, but she wasn’t exactly sure what it was. There was a thick and cold sticky substance under her cheek and weighing down her hair. She was overwhelmed by a very heavy metallic scent and she realized that the sticky substance that she was laying in was her own blood. She tried to feel around for her wand, but her movements caused her head to feel like it was about to explode, and once again she slipped into unconsciousness. 

x

The next time that she woke up, it seemed that a large amount of time had passed, although she had no clue how long she had been there or even why she was where she was. She was extremely weak and her muscles were aching and stiff when she tried to move them. She still was unable to see anything at all as she slowly and carefully rolled onto her back, her head pounding and her ankle sending up a sting of pain in protest. Once she managed to roll herself all the way, she took several deep breaths and tried to gather her thoughts enough to figure out just what was going on. 

_ Hogwarts. The battle.  _ Everything came back to her in a rush. The ceiling had been about to fall right on top of her and she had cast a spell in order to put herself into ‘nothingness’. She determined that a piece of the ceiling must have hit her in the head right before her spell took, causing her to pass out and end up in there for much longer than she had intended. She wasn’t sure just how long she had been in there, but knew that it had been longer than just mere hours...days maybe. 

Her heart clenched at what Ron must be thinking right now and how worried he must have been when she had just disappeared and hadn't come back to him. She was unable to lift her head but she used her hands to slowly fumble around to try and find her wand, knowing that she needed to get back to Ron. After only about ten seconds or so, she finally found it about five inches away from her left thigh and once it was in her hand, she immediately uttered the incantation to return to where she had been. Suddenly she felt her body falling through the air, landing several feet below on top of an empty table with a hard thud. Groaning, she managed to open her eyes to find the Great Hall empty of people and... pristine?  _ What was going on _ ? 

Her heart pounded in uneasiness as she slowly moved her head, looking around for anyone or anything that would help her determine what kind of situation that she was in. She realized that she was laying on top of the Ravenclaw table and everything around her was as it had been when she had been a student there. Her eyes drifted upwards and she looked at the ceiling that had very nearly killed her to find that it was once again in one piece as it always had been and it was showing her the early morning sky. She noted from that and from the light shining through the windows that it was early and would guess that it was around six in the morning. 

She shut her eyes tight, feeling nauseous from moving her head around so much and focused on taking deep steadying breaths to push past the dizziness. Before she could open them again, she heard the sound of the giant doors of the Great Hall being thrown open, followed by the sounds of two familiar voices happily chatting away. 

_ Hagrid.  _

_ Professor Mcgonagall.  _

She almost cried in relief then because she knew that she was safe, even if none of it made any sense. She tried to muster up the strength to call out to them but was unable to do so. Thankfully as the voices came closer she heard Mcgonagall let out an audible gasp, and then heard footsteps running rapidly towards her.

“What is the meaning of this? What is going on? Are you okay?” she heard Mcgonagall ask, her voice dripping with worry.

Hermione slowly opened her eyes and saw Mcgonagall’s face near hers. The usually stern woman's face was etched with alarm before her eyes widened in recognition. “ _Miss_ _Granger?”_ she said disbelievingly, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

“No. No. Tha’s not ‘Ermione. Can’ be.” she heard Hagrid say nervously from somewhere behind Mcgonagall.

“The ceiling...I cast a spell..where’s  _ Ron _ ?” she moaned needing them to understand, Mcgonagall’s face still staring incredulously at her.

“Hagrid. Pick her up. She needs to be taken to Poppy. Immediately.” ordered the woman frantically as she stepped back, giving Hagrid room to reach down and pluck her small frame off the top of the table.

There was almost no strength left in her, and her body hung limp as a rag doll’s as Hagrid lifted her up and pulled her to his chest. Although she was still in an incredible amount of pain, Hermione felt much better in Hagrid’s warm, safe arms.

“Is it..s’it really you ‘Ermione?” Hagrid asked, looking down at her as he started the walk to the Hospital wing, Mcgonagall following closely behind and sending a quick patronus to Madame Pomfrey to alert her of their impending arrival.

“It’s me.” she managed to whisper, causing Hagrid to pull her closer into his chest as his bottom lip started to quiver. 

“We’ll get you righ’ better soon, don’ you worry ‘bout it.” he assured her, a few tears now snaking down his face.

With that, she felt herself nod before she once again succumbed to sleep, unable to find the strength to stay awake any longer.

x

Hermione woke up to see a wand pointed at her face and with a scream, she reached up and knocked it sideways where it fell to the floor with a small clatter.

She felt a hand gently cover the opposite hand that had pushed the wand away. “Miss Granger, it's ok, you aren't in any danger. Poppy was just using her wand to wake you up. Try not to move too much, you lost a great deal of blood, and you had a very bad concussion along with a broken ankle.” she heard Professor Mcgonagall say softly. “All are healed now but you will still be sore and your body will need to rest.”

She frantically looked around and realized that she was in the hospital wing, Mcgonagall sitting on the side of the bed that she was currently laying on. She felt much better than the last time that she had been awake, and reached up to feel the top of her head. It was still quite sore, but there was no open wound and although she felt weaker than she normally did, she was feeling mostly like her normal self.

She sat up further, horrified and needing answers. “The battle. What happened? Where’s Ron? Where’s Harry? How long was I  _ in _ there?” The questions started spilling out of her as she felt in her gut that something was terribly terribly wrong.

Mcgonagall gave her a curious look as she spoke slowly. “Miss Granger, the battle happened just over five years ago.”

Hermione felt the blood drain from her face. “ _ What?  _ No, that’s not  _ possible! _ I wouldn’t be alive if that were the case... _ what? _ ” her voice came out high pitched and frenzied, there was no way that this could be real. Maybe she had been so hurt that this was happening only inside of her own head and she would wake up soon.

“I don’t know  _ how _ Hermione, but everyone thinks that you are...that you died a long time ago.” The woman rubbed Hermione’s hand reassuredly as if to comfort her.

Tears stung her eyes at this realization. “Was...was Voldemort defeated?” she asked, needing to know that answer first.

Her old transfiguration teacher gave her a small smile. “Yes, he is gone.”

Hermione let out a breath of relief. “Ohmygod, Ron. Is Ron okay? Is Harry okay?”

“Yes, yes, they are both just fine.” she assured her.

Hermione let out a small cry. “And Ron..Ron thinks I’m  _ dead?”  _ she gulped, feeling sickened by the thought.

Mcgonagall nodded. “He does.”

“I need..I need to see him Professor. I need to see him immediately.” Tears were leaking out of the corner of her eyes as her brain desperately tried to keep up.

The woman gave her another small smile. “Actually, it’s Headmistress now. And don’t worry, I’ve already sent both Mr. Weasley and Mr. Potter a message to get here immediately. I didn’t give a reason why, but I’m sure that they will be on their way any mome-”

Mcgonagall was interrupted by the sound of a door being flung open and a slightly irritated yet worried voice ringing out. “Headmistress, what is going on? What’s so urgent that it can’t wai-” 

Harry, who looked only a bit older than when she’d last seen him, his hair shorter and a more adult air about him stopped talking as he walked past the curtain. When he caught sight of her his face at first looked shocked at the sight before turning dubious and full of suspicion. He slowly strode over to the hospital bed, his eyes hardening with every step that he took. “Who is this?” he demanded in a low voice.

Hermione gave him a nervous smile. She felt extremely uncomfortable as Harry had never looked at her the way that he was looking at her now, as if she were his enemy. “Harry, it’s me, I don’t know what happe-”

“No.” he cut in rudely. “Hermione Granger is  _ dead _ .” 

She sat up straighter. “I thought you were dead once too, Harry Potter and it turned out that I was wrong, just like you are wrong now.” she responded, challenging him.

For the first time, he gave her a look that told her that a part of him might believe that she was telling the truth. She watched as he drew his wand and muttered words over her, looking for any signs of magical deception. When nothing came up, he lowered his wand in amazement. “How...how is this  _ possible _ ?”

She vaguely noticed as Professor Mcgonagall and Madam Pomfrey walked away from the pair of them to give them some privacy as she answered him. “I’ve just woken up, I haven't had time to really try and figu-”

She was interrupted by Harry throwing himself into her, his arms squeezing her upper body tightly, his breathing strained as if trying to control himself from breaking down. She let out a small laugh and hugged him back. 

“I can’t believe this. This is the best thing..the best thing ever.” he cried into her hair. “Everyone is going to be  _ so _ happy.” She lightly rubbed on his back as he spoke, feeling like he needed the comfort more than she did.

She was so happy that Harry was okay, but she desperately longed to see Ron. “Harry. Where’s Ron? Is he coming?” she asked hopefully as Harry pulled back to look at her properly. 

At the mention of Ron’s name, something she couldn't quite place flashed across Harry’s expression, but he quickly composed himself and gave her a grin. “I stopped by his office on the way here both to ask if he knew what was going on and see if we could come together, but apparently he’s out on an important mission today and can’t be contacted. I have someone waiting for him at the ministry until he gets back and he’ll keep me updated. As soon as Ron arrives there, I’ll know about it and we’ll get him here ok?”

“Mission?” she asked cautiously. “So he’s an..”

He nodded. “Auror, yeah. I am as well.” he said proudly.

She smiled. “Why am I not surprised by this?”

Harry grinned at her, but again there was something in his expression that told her that he was hiding something and she had a feeling that it had something to do with the tall ginger that she was in love with.

“Harry... is Ron okay?” she asked cautiously, worried about what his answer would be.

Harry cleared his throat. “He’s alright...now. I mean, losing you was..it was really hard on all of us of course, but none of us took it as hard as he did.”

She bit her lip and her eyes welled up thinking about the fact that Ron had actually had to go through  _ grieving _ her. The thought of losing  _ him  _ was unbearable, and her heart ached for how he had to have felt if his feelings for her came even close to how she felt about him. She was unquestionably in love with him, and she was almost positive that he loved her back, and yet...it  _ had _ been over five years since he had seen her last, and they had only kissed once, and that was  _ years _ ago to him. Perhaps he no longer felt that way about her, he could have gotten over her, he could have moved on...

She shook her head to banish the thought. She wouldn't jump to any conclusions until she talked to him, which she was dying to do. She wondered how he would react to her after all this time? It was surreal that she was now non-existent in his life, when he was still very much in the center of hers. It wasn’t that long ago that she had seen him, that she had kissed him, that he had tried desperately to save her..

Her heart stopped. “Oh Ron..” she said in almost a whisper.

Harry quickly turned around to look behind him as if expecting Ron to be behind him. When he saw that there was nobody there, he turned back to her with a confused look on his face.

She took a deep breath before she spoke, her voice coming out unsteady. “Harry I know. I know what happened.”

x

Any guesses on what happened? 

If you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know! :)


	6. Everything I Can't Have

There might be typos or mistakes in this chapter as I only read through it once, so forgive me! As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter! (you really won't though...so grab some tissues before you start)

  
  


Ron was furious and felt like absolute shit as he landed with a pop in the ministry’s apparition room. His team had been  _ so _ close to catching the bastard that they had been tracking for the last three months, but at the very last minute they had realized that they had been led on a false trail and that all their hard work had been for nothing. Although he hadn't been the lead on this particular case, he was almost positive that they would all be getting an earful for their mistake tomorrow and he was not looking forward to it.

There was a young intern standing just to the side of the room twiddling his thumbs and when he looked up and spotted Ron he jolted before walking over to him. Ron recognized him, he was new, and so far he had been trying to appear ‘above’ others by using his family’s influence. Ron tried to remember his name, Derek..Dylan..Dave. Yes, that was it he remembered, Dave.

“Mr. Weasley. I’ve been waiting for you for several hours. It’s an urgent matter and Mr. Potter needs to speak with you right away.”

Ron instantly felt panicked. “What the hell, is everyone ok?”

“Mr. Potter told me to assure you that everyone is fine. But you need to head to your parents house right away.”

Ron internally cursed Dave. The git should have assured him of everyone's safety  _ before _ talking about an urgent matter. He didn't trust himself today, so decided not to start a fight. “Ok. Thanks Dave, I’ll head there straight away.”

Dave nodded as if he had done something momentously important before walking off, Ron flipping him the bird behind his back. He quickly walked over to the cubbies that adorned the wall and grabbed the few possessions that he brought with him to work before disapparating straight to The Burrow.

When he arrived, he found his mum there alone in the living room. “Mum, what’s going on? I’ve been in a bloody panic, apparently there's some urgent matter. Where’s Harry?” he asked, looking around.

Molly looked overly emotional as she pulled him in for a tight hug making Ron even more confused. “I’m sorry dear.” She said before pulling back and running her hand along the side of his face, giving him a sad smile. “Harry needs to speak to you.” 

Without another explanation, she turned and stuck her head in the fireplace, presumably to speak to Harry, and only seconds later she was leaning back and again turning to him. “What he’s going to tell you dear, it might hurt some. But this is a good thing Ronald. A very  _ good _ thing.”

He furrowed his brows. “What the-What am I supposed to make of  _ that _ Mum?”

She didn't get to answer him as the fireplace roared green and Harry stepped out, his face determined and serious. 

“Hey.” Harry slightly smiled at him. “We have to talk. And you’re going to need to sit down.” He gestured to the couch and Ron sat as his mum gave him one last look before quietly leaving the room.

“Harry, what’s going on?” Ron demanded as soon as they were alone. 

“I..I don’t really know where to start.” Harry admitted.

“Then rip the band-aid off and just tell me. I’ve had a shite day at work and I want to get home.” said Ron impatiently.

Harry swallowed nervously. “Ron. Hermione…uhm...”

Ron tensed up at the sound of Hermione’s name. “What  _ about _ Hermione?” he asked slowly.

Harry looked at him for a second before letting out a sigh. “Ron...she’s alive.”

Ron sat on the couch not speaking for several moments. “Harry Potter, I swear to fucking merlin that it’s taking all of my effort not to stand up and hit you right now.” He spoke through gritted teeth. 

“I know it seems impossible Ron. But it’s true.” Harry stated.

“It’s  _ not _ true.” Ron spoke, his anger mounting. “People don’t come back from the dead.”

“She never died. She-”

“Shut UP!” Ron screamed, finally snapping. “You are  _ not  _ going to convince me that Hermione has been alive this whole time, and didn’t contact any of us for  _ fucking five YEARS!  _ What kind of  _ idiot  _ do you take me for?” 

In the beginning, there had always been the ‘what-if’ in the very back of Ron’s mind. He had never  _ seen _ her body, so  _ maybe _ she could have somehow escaped. Time had passed of course and that question had died in him, all evidence pointing to her really being gone and he had not thought of the possibility in years.

“Dammit Ron just  _ calm down _ and I will explain it to you alright?”

Even though Ron was still more enraged than he had been in a very long time, he clenched his jaw tight and sat back onto the couch, throwing his arm out and wordlessly gesturing for Harry to go on. “Nothing you say will convince me, but give it a shot before I completely lose my patience. And trust me, it's just about gone.”

“So Hermione has a theory of what she thinks happened and-”

At the mention of Harry talking about a present-tense Hermione, the familiar ripple of pain passed through Ron’s chest and he took a sharp intake of breath as he clenched his eyes shut.

Harry paused, giving him a minute. Ron swallowed thickly and opened his eyes, nodding at Harry to go on, but he knew there had been some kind of mistake. Hermione could not be alive. 

Harry cleared his throat. “Remember that orb-like charm that Voldemort used to keep Nagini safe during the battle?” Ron nodded, not knowing where Harry was going with this.

“Hermione cast a similar charm on herself right before the roof came down on her...but a more complicated version. She created an orb around herself that would let her be able to escape for a moment, so that she wouldn’t be crushed by the ceiling. The charm that she used...it apparently puts you in a state of nothingness. Think of it kind of like a highly complicated vanishing cabinet. An orb made to escape into nothing for a bit...so your body is no longer where it had just been, see.”

Ron clenched his fists nervously, trying to take in what Harry was saying. “Say that what you are saying  _ is _ true? She  _ couldn’t _ have managed to survive in a state of ‘nothingness’ for this long Harry, that’s impossible.”

Harry’s eyes grew sad suddenly. “She didn't.” he said softly. 

Ron narrowed his eyes as Harry’s face got nervous again. “Ron...this part is going to be hard for you to hear, and I’m so sorry that I have to tell you...but you’re my best mate, and I always want to be honest, no matter how hard the truth might be.”

Ron’s heart started rapidly beating, already filling with dread at what he was about to hear.

“You cast a spell trying to save her, you remember?”

Ron nodded his head grimly.

“You cast ‘Arresto Momentum’ to slow the piece of ceiling from falling down on top of her didn't you?”

At Harry’s words Ron’s heart stopped as a strangled cry erupted from his throat. Nobody but  _ Hermione _ would know that he had used that spell, as he had never admitted to anyone what he had done that day as he had tried to save her life. That meant that Harry had to be telling the truth, and although Ron didn’t have any fucking idea  _ how _ it could be real, Hermione was  _ alive. _ Harry quickly bent down on the couch and sat next to him, rubbing him on the back while he was doubled over, his head in his hands as his whole body trembled, the reality of what Harry had said roughly crashing down on him.

It was suddenly so hard to breathe but after a few minutes he managed to control his breathing somewhat although he was still taking shuddering breaths and trying to compose himself. He leaned up a bit and looked at Harry who was sitting stoically beside him, waiting.

“I’m not finished.” he said quietly, and Ron slowly leaned all the way back into the couch, preparing himself to hear the rest.

“When you cast that spell Ron, you hit the orb that she was making, mixing the spells together. When this happened, the time that she had spent away in ‘nothingness’ had slowed down for her. She reckons that she was in there for a few days because right before the orb had closed, a chunk of ceiling had fallen down and hit her on the top of the head. She says that she was in and out of consciousness, unable to lift herself up, laying in a puddle of her own blood.”

The image Ron was imagining in his head was making him feel physically ill. 

Harry continued. “So when she was finally able to gain consciousness enough to grab her wand and get herself out, she landed in the Great Hall in the same exact spot that she had first cast the spell. 

“So-” Ron asked slowly, his mind still in shock at everything that he was hearing. “When I cast that spell, it mixed with hers, therefore causing  _ time _ to slow down for her while she was away?” 

Harry nodded. “Yes. To  _ us,  _ the battle of Hogwarts happened five years ago, but to  _ her _ it’s merely been days.”

Ron was in disbelief as he again threw his face in his hands. “Ohgod. It’s my fault.  _ My fault _ .  _ Fuuuck.” _ he groaned, trying to squelch the extreme amount of guilt bubbling up in him.

“No Ron.” said Harry sternly. “I will  _ not _ allow you to do this. It was an  _ accident. _ You were just trying to save her life. You did  _ nothing _ wrong.”

Ron shook his head but then managed to lift it and give Harry a hard look. “So you've actually seen her?” he asked quietly.

Harry nodded his head, a grin spreading across his face. “I have. It’s  _ really _ her and she’s just the same as she was the last time we saw her.” he reached and gave Ron’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Ron allowed a small smile to cross his face as well before he became serious again. “I have to see her, Harry. I have to-” he stopped talking, choking on his words. “Harry...does she know? About Iz and Max? Have you told her?”

Harry slowly shook his head. “No Ron, of course not. That’s not my place to tell her. She doesn’t know yet.” he sighed heavily. “But her head is...I mean she’s still in that headspace that she was five years ago. She told me that she kissed you and...

Ron felt his stomach give an uncomfortable lurch before nodding his head. “Thank you for not telling her. I’m going to have to be the one to do it.” Although as he said those words, he couldn't even imagine how he was going to have the courage to do it. 

To her, they had just shared their first (and only) kiss. He clearly remembered the feeling of elation that he had had right after they had let go of each other, the feelings of hope, and love, and a promise of a future together. When he had looked at her, he had been able to tell that she had felt the exact same way as him. 

If positions had been switched, he would have been utterly heartbroken to go from  _ that _ only to find out that she was now married to somebody else. Although his heart had been irreparably shattered when he had (thought) that she had died, it still managed to break some more at these thoughts.

_ She would be hurt by this.  _

“Where is she?” he practically whispered.

“She’s at Grimmauld Place with Ginny.” Harry hurriedly answered. “Ginny is going to floo here as soon as you get there to give you two some privacy. Hermione already knows and she’s waiting for you.”

Ron allowed himself a moment to compose himself and gather his thoughts (as best as they could be gathered at that moment) before standing up. He walked over to the fireplace and took a shaky breath before grabbing a handful of floo powder in his hand. Harry gave him a tight lipped smile and a murmured “good luck” right before Ron stepped in and threw the powder downwards, shouting out “Grimmauld Place”

After the green flames had gone, he noticed that the living room at Harry’s place was dimly lit, and it took him a second before his eyes adjusted. He saw two figures sitting on the couch and his eyes quickly sought out Ginny’s, almost scared to look at the figure sitting next to her. His sister gave him a warm tentative smile, calming him some as he allowed himself to look over to Ginny’s left. 

He felt his chest constrict. 

It was really her. 

It was Hermione. 

He was only vaguely aware of Ginny standing up and entering the fireplace behind him, the green light flickering off of Hermione’s face as she left them alone. 

Once Ginny was gone, they just stared at each other, saying nothing. She was smiling, but his face was oddly blank as he drank in the sight of her. He had missed her every second of every day for the past five years, but not until this moment had he realized just how much that was. She was herself, and she was beautiful. She was just as he remembered. Just the same as she was in his thoughts...in his dreams. She was  _ familiar, _ she was his  _ home, _ she was everything that he had ever wanted, and now she was everything that he could never have.

“You look older,” she said, breaking the silence and smiling warmly up at him. “Not in a bad way of course.” she gave a little smirk. “I actually like it. You look all...mature now.”

“I- I watched you die.” he rasped out.

Her face fell at this. “I’m sorry, Ron. Harry told me how horrible everything was for everyone...how horrible it was for  _ you _ .” She looked down at her hands in her lap.

“You're  _ sorry _ ?” he asked her incredulously. “Hermione it was  _ my _ fault. If I hadn’t cast that  _ fucking  _ spell-” his voice broke and he choked back a sob, not wanting to break down. He watched her as she stood up and walked over to him and before he could guess what she was going to do, she had wrapped her arms around his waist and was hugging him.

That was all it took. He grabbed her tightly to him and completely lost it. She squeezed him even harder as he choked out his apologies over and over between his sobs while she rubbed his back and let out little shushing noises. He started to realize that his legs were no longer working as they slowly sank to the floor together. He was now sitting on the carpet, his knees folded underneath him as Hermione sat sideways in his lap. She was softly cradling his head on her collarbone, reassuringly running her hands through his hair, telling him that everything was going to be alright as he continued to cry. 

After he had quieted, she then did something that he hadn't expected. She softly grabbed the sides of his face and pulled his head up until their faces were inches apart. With her eyes burrowed into his she leaned down to meet his lips with hers, but at the very last second he roughly jerked his head away, his chin falling to his chest. 

He clenched his eyes shut, knowing that denying her was the beginning of the end. He would now have to explain why he had pulled away.  _ No. Oh merlin, please not yet.  _ He let out a pathetic groan. He had wanted to pretend for just a bit longer before he was forced to lose her  _ again _ , but this time in a completely different way.

“Ron?” she asked, his name coming out as a question, her voice confused and hurt.

He didn't reply, but he then felt it as her whole body tensed up. “Ron?” she said again, but this time, she sounded on the verge of tears, her voice slightly hysterical.

When he lifted his head and looked up, he saw her wide eyes staring disbelievingly at his wedding ring on his hand that was resting on her knee. 

“Hermione, listen-” he managed to croak out, his voice frail.

“No.” she whispered, shaking her head, her face anguished. “I just...I  _ just _ got you Ron. After all those years of just being friends...I finally had you.”

It was taking all that he had not to break down again. “Herm-”

“I _ kissed  _ you Ron. I kissed you, and you, you k-kissed me back.” he watched her choke back a sob. “I thought that meant..”

“It did, my god Hermione it  _ did _ mean that.” he said as he softly ran his hand down the side of her face, but she barely registered the action, her eyes still on his wedding ring.

“ _ Who _ ?” she whispered, tears now snaking down her cheeks.”

He sighed. “You don’t know her. She’s a year younger than us. I met her a year after the battle. I’m  _ sorry _ . I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Only took you a year to move on did it?” she said only slightly bitterly.

“No Hermione, it wasn't  _ like _ that, please let me exp-”

She hastily stood up and backed away from him. “It’s not...it’s not your fault Ron.” she said slowly, still backing away. “I mean...almost 5  _ years  _ for you. It wouldn't be fair of me to have expected you to have waited  _ that _ long to move on. I don’t know why I let myself think that you-”

“I thought you were  _ dead _ .” he cried out loudly. “I would've waited Hermione. I would’ve fucking waited  _ forever _ if I had known that you were alive.” he stood up and walked forwards, his arms outstretched towards her, desperately needing to touch her again, needing to confirm again that she was really there. 

She took another step back, her eyes on his outstretched arms before moving up to meet his, wordlessly shaking her head at him.

He stopped moving and stood still, his body trembling with the effort to stand in place. “Hermione, listen.” he pleaded. “I'm not in love with her. I never ha-”

“Don’t” she cut in harshly. “Don’t you  _ dare _ finish that sentence Ronald Weasley. Regardless of what you may feel about  _ me _ , feel about  _ her _ , you are  _ married _ , and I...I  _ refuse _ to get in the middle of it." 

His heart broke as he watched her wrap her arms around her shuddering body as if to help hold herself together, tears streaming down her face as she stared at the floor.

He had no idea what to say, no idea what to do, he just desperately wanted to stop her from hurting. "I'm...I’m  _ sorry  _ Hermione _.  _ I swear, if I had known that you- _ "  _

"I- I can't do this right now Ron.” she cut him off, shaking her head, tears dripping off of her chin. “I'm sorry, but I think that you should leave."

" _ Wh-what _ ?" he asked, crestfallen. The thought of leaving her again after just getting there made him feel devastated. He needed to talk to her, needed to explain himself to her. “Hermione,  _ please, no _ …”

Her eyes softened some at his pleading, but her face was determined and he knew that she had already made up her mind. He watched her take shaky breaths while she spoke. "I’m sorry Ron, really I  _ am _ . I p-promise that I’m not mad at you, and I  _ don't _ h-hate you. It’s been a really long day and I just  _ can’t _ do this right now, so I need you to go.”

They stared at each other as they stood there, her arms still wrapped around herself, him slowly putting his hand in his pocket and gripping his wand. He gave her a sad and slow nod of understanding, his eyes not leaving hers until he swiftly disappeared with a ‘pop’


	7. Moving Forward

As soon as Ron was gone, Hermione started to cry the way she hadn't allowed herself to do while she had been in front of him. She could barely see through her tears as she walked over and threw herself onto the couch as the reality of the situation sunk in. She hadn’t been lying when she had told Ron that it had been an exhausting day, everything that had happened had  _ already _ been overwhelming, and then to top it off with this brutal truth. Her eyes and throat stung as her body wracked with sobs, feeling the hurt and disbelief rushing over her. 

_ Ron was married.  _ Maybe at the  _ very _ most, she thought that he might have a  _ girlfriend _ , but the idea of him being  _ married  _ had never even crossed her mind.

As much as she knew that she had no right to be, she was angry. She was angry about the stupid and unfortunate accident that had put her in this situation, she was angry at Harry and Ginny for not telling her the truth (even though she understood their reasoning) and most of all, she was angry that Ron was married to _someone else._ She knew though, that realistically she couldn’t blame him for anything he had done in her absence. Regardless, she was trying to hold onto her anger for as long as she could, knowing that it was only lightly covering the deep hurt bubbling just under the surface.

There was a woman, who  _ wasn't _ her, that Ron came home to every night, who was able to kiss him just  _ because _ , a woman who knew him in the most _ intimate _ of ways...in ways that she herself would never know him. The jealousy was staggering and she felt as if he had simply  _ abandoned _ her, even though that wasn't at all what had happened. She had unfortunately been completely taken off guard tonight, the news being so totally unexpectedly harsh, and one hundred percent  _ final _ .

She thought about what he had tried to say before she had cut him off. Why had he tried to tell her that he wasn't in love with his wife? Was it true, or had he just said it to make her feel better? Why would he get married in the first place if that were the case? Regardless, it didn't really matter, the end result was always going to be the same. She knew that she would not be getting in the middle of his marriage and that Ron was now lost to her forever, at least in that way.

Her eyes widened as the fireplace turned green, and she watched as Ginny stepped out. 

“..Hi” Ginny said cautiously, eyeing Hermione’ still form laying on the couch, obviously alone.

“Why didn't you tell me?” she asked, sitting up and hastily wiping her face.

Ginny gave her a small humorless smile. “It wasn't me who needed to tell you. Plus, Harry asked me not to.”

Hermione sniffed loudly. “So are they happy together? Ron and his...wife?”

Ginny sat down next to her. “They are. Well, from what I can tell anyway.”

“So, you...like her?” she asked slowly, deep down hoping that his wife was ugly and horrid and that his whole family couldn't stand her.

Hermione heard her sigh. “I do. We all do. Don’t blame her Hermione, she didn't do anything wrong.”

Hermione turned to look at her. “He...he told me that he wasn't in love with her.”

Ginny’s eyes widened. “He  _ said _ that?”

Hermione nodded.

“Honestly I didn't know if he  _ was _ in love with her or not. I always wondered...always hoped I guess. He  _ does  _ care for her a great deal though, but maybe he just never got over you enough to move on.”

“Ginny, don't say that!” she moaned. She couldn't bear to think that he was in love with her as she was with him when he was no longer free to be hers.

“I just want to be honest with you Hermione. You know that he only married her to do the right thing.” Ginny shook her head sadly. “He always puts everyone above himself.”

“The right thing? What do you mean?”

“Because of Max…?” Ginny said slowly, looking confusingly at Hermione.

“Who is  _ Max _ ?”

“Ron- he didn't mention that he has a  _ son _ ?”

Hermione felt faint. “Ron’s a  _ dad _ ?”

“Yes, and a bloody great one! Why would he not  _ tell  _ you that?” Ginny exclaimed, looking bewildered.

Hermione froze and then bit her bottom lip guiltily.“I may have not  _ let _ him talk...I actually made him leave before he could explain anything.” she said quietly.

Ginny’s eyes flashed with anger. “Please don't tell me- I mean how could you  _ do _ that to him, Hermione? You don't have  _ any _ idea what he’s been through since you've been gone! The least that you could have done was to let him  _ talk _ to you.”

Hermione suddenly felt ashamed of herself. “I know. I’m sorry Gin but I was just so  _ shocked _ ..so  _ hurt _ ..and it was so hard to look at him and know...” she trailed off.

Ginny gave her an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I’m sure that seeing him was hard on you as well. I just...he went through  _ hell _ when he thought you had died. He didn't _ talk  _ for two weeks, and then for a year after that he was like...like a shell of a person. He was angry at everyone and everything. As hard as it probably is for you to hear, Iz really helped him heal.”

“Iz?”

Ginny gave her another incredulous look. “Isabelle...his wife. Wow, you really  _ didn't  _ let him explain anything did you?”

Hermione gulped. Now the faceless woman had a name, making her even  _ more  _ real. “Ginny, I love him.” she whispered, her eyes watering as she looked down. 

Ginny gingerly put her hand over hers. “Everyone always knew that you two  _ fancied _ each other but it wasn't until you were.. _ gone _ that we all knew just how deep Ron’s feelings were for you went.” she paused. “He loves you too Hermione, and I’m positive that he never stopped.” Hermione stifled a small cry with her hand as Ginny went on. “I  _ know _ that this is killing him right now, so please...don't make things harder for him by treating him as if he's done something to purposely hurt you. You know Ron, he only tries to do what’s best, and he doesn't need you adding to his guilt.”

Maybe she would just be hurting him by sticking around, she thought. She hated learning how bad it had been for him during the time that she had been gone and she certainly didn't want to cause him any more pain. 

With all the information that she had taken in today, she hadn't had too much time to think about her parents, besides hoping that they were okay and that she would be able to restore their memories and bring them back soon. “Maybe...maybe I should take a job far away. I could go to Australia and live there. I've been planning on going there as soon as possible anyway to check on my parents and see if I can get their memories restored. I can stay there with them, let Ron live his life without me being around...” 

Ginny shook her head. “We have all missed you too much for you to just  _ leave _ Hermione. We want you here, this is your home, you are  _ family  _ to us.”

As kind as Ginny was, Hermione couldn't help but feel a stab in her heart at her words.  _ Family. _ She knew that she would never in fact  _ truly _ be family. She would never marry into the Weasley family as she had always secretly hoped to do. 

And was this  _ still  _ her home? She had always felt the most ‘at home’ when she was with Ron. No matter how much they argued, or how mad she had been at him, she had known that when it came down to it, he’d always be there for her. When she had been near him, she had always felt as if she  _ belonged _ , and now she wasn't sure just where she belonged anymore.

“I don't know Gin…” 

But Ginny went on in an enthusiastic voice. “I’m sure that Kingsley can easily get you a job at the Ministry. You could focus on work, you can move  _ forward  _ Hermione _. _ You know that we will all be behind you in whatever you want to do. I’m sure Ron will be too, even if it’s not in quite the way you would want him to be.”

Hermione nodded. Ginny was right, she couldn't let herself leave the places that she was familiar with just because Ron was married. She had never been the kind of girl that just gave up like that. She knew that even though she was in fact utterly devastated at not being able to be with Ron, she could power-through all of her problems and focus all of her energy on other things. She pushed back her heartache to focus on the list of things that she planned to do. Having a list, having goals to achieve always made her feel better, and she decided that throwing herself headfirst into all that she needed to get done was a great way to distract herself.

“Ok.” she started. “So my first priority is getting my parents back and seeing what they want to do, or if they will even be able to  _ forgive _ me. After that gets sorted, I’ll take my savings, put a down payment on my own place and move out so I won’t be a burden to you and Harry.” 

Ginny opened her mouth to retort, but Hermione held her hand up to stop her. “I know that I’m welcome here of course, and I’m extremely appreciative of you both, but I need to work my way towards being completely independent, and that’s the first step. Then lastly, I will ask Kingsley about getting a job. I  _ can _ do this Gin.” 

They chatted for a while longer before Harry arrived and they called it a night and separated. But once she laid in bed and was alone once again, she closed her eyes and couldn't help but see Ron’s devastated face as he had reached out to her before she had stopped him. Saw him as he had desperately tried to talk to her but she hadn't let him. She cried into her pillow for what seemed like forever before she finally fell asleep, exhausted.

o

O

o

Instead of apparating home, Ron apparated to George’s flat. He knew that George was out of town for a few days on a business trip and wouldn't be home, and he needed to be alone and have the chance to clear his head and calm down before he talked to Iz. 

He wondered how she was going to react to the news that Hermione was alive. She obviously knew the way that Ron felt about his long-lost-almost-love, he had unloaded it all on her years ago, and even now she was able to sense when he was having a bad day and when he was missing her. 

He had never gotten the feeling that Iz was ever jealous, or angry about the fact that she was always going to be second to a (what she still thought was) a dead girl from his past. He too of course, helped her when she was feeling sad about Cam, or even sad about Derek. It was part of why they were so close, they had both lost the people that they had wanted to be with. 

They never discussed the topic in words, but he was sure that they both knew that, even though they did love each other, they weren't  _ in love _ , and that whenever they exchanged “I love you’s” they both knew exactly what kind of love that they were referring to.

He couldn't get out of his head the hurt look that had been on Hermione’s face.  _ Hermione was alive _ . He still couldn't believe it. It was both a dream come true, and a nightmare. Seeing her there,  _ holding _ her, it had been like no time had passed. For just a moment, even though he had been upset, he had for the first time in a very long time felt like the  _ old _ Ron again. 

He still loved her. He had known that he would never stop loving her, but now that she was back and she couldn’t be his he felt shattered. It was one thing to love someone when you thought that your chances of being with them were non-existent, but now that she  _ did _ exist, she was unobtainable to him. 

“FUCK!” he screamed in the dark and empty flat, leaning back and thudding the back of his head roughly against the wall. “fuck” he said again quietly, clenching his eyes shut and breathing heavily, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.

He stayed like that for several minutes, slowly gathering his thoughts and composing himself. When he felt that he was ready, he stepped into the fireplace and a few seconds later, arrived home. 

Iz walked in from the kitchen, a worried look on her face. “Oh good. You’re home. I was worried when you missed dinner.”

Ron looked around for Max but didn’t see him. He was disappointed as he thought that seeing his son’s happy face at his arrival would make him feel somewhat better.

Iz noticed what he was looking for. “Your mom floo’d here about 20 minutes ago to take him to The Burrow for the night. She said that she was just wanting to give us the night off but I had a feeling that there was an alternative reason…”

The look on his face must have confirmed it and she let out a small sigh, walking over and taking one of his hands in both of hers before leading him to the couch. He must have been shell-shocked, as she had to gently push him down to sit on the couch before she sat down next to him. She stared at him expectantly as his eyes stared hard at the floor, not knowing how to start the conversation.

“What’s wrong Ron? What’s happened?” she asked him softly.

“I…” he started, trailing off. 

“Ron?”

He was reminded of the way that Hermione had said his name as a question earlier and he took a shaky breath before speaking. “It’s Hermione Iz...she’s alive.”

He looked up to watch her reaction to his words. Her brows furrowed in confusion. “That’s...that’s not...are you  _ okay  _ Ron?.”

“It’s true.” He quickly explained to her what Harry had explained to him earlier. The orb that she had created, the spell that he had fired, her thinking that she had only been away for several days, all of it. He could feel the knot in his throat threatening to break free from him as he retold the story, but he fought it down, knowing that she needed to hear everything without having to watch him break down yet again, she at least deserved that.

When he was done, she didn’t say anything, and when he chanced a look at her, he saw some fear in her eyes. “Are you going to leave me?” she asked quietly.

He put his arm around her and pulled her close into his side, his head going sideways to rest on top of hers. “Blimey...no Iz, of  _ course _ not. You’re my _ wife.  _ I thought that you knew me better than that, I’m not just going to walk out and  _ abandon  _ you...abandon  _ Max _ .”

Her eyes went down, ashamed as she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do that Ron. I just, I know how you feel about her.”

He nodded his head. There was no point in lying, they both knew the truth of it.

“Did you...did you see her?” she asked gingerly.

He gave a sad sigh. “I did. She’s...upset. To her it’s like we just kissed only a few days ago and...I’m sure it’s a lot for her to take in. When she found out that I was married she wouldn’t let me talk to her though, she made me leave.” 

He pointedly did not mention that she had found out because she had tried to kiss him and he hadn't let her. He was scared at how close he had been to allowing it to happen. He had only  _ just  _ managed to force himself to pull away from her, even though everything in him had wanted nothing more than to feel her kiss again. Pulling away from her had been extremely painful.

He watched Iz’s eyes fill up with tears. “Ron that’s horrible. I really am so sorry that that happened. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you.”

“Yeah, it was. But I get it. I mean, I hardly think  _ I’d  _ be ok in her position if situations were reversed y’know?” he sighed. “In fact, I know I wouldn't.”

She didn’t say anything for several long moments. “Things are going to change between us now Ron.” He watched her take a deep breath. “You’re going to start to resent me for not being her, for holding you back from being able to be with her...”

He shook his head forcefully. “No Iz...I wouldn’t-”

“You won't be able to  _ help _ feeling that way Ron. Over time it’s going to eat away at you...eat away at  _ us. _ ” She said sadly.

“I won’t _ let _ it.” he said firmly.

“Ron, you and I both know that if it weren’t for Max, you wouldn't even  _ be _ with me.”

He started to feel exasperated. “It’s not that  _ simple _ Iz. And even if it was, I married  _ you _ , I promised myself to  _ you _ .”

“But you love  _ her _ Ron. You are  _ still  _ in love with her, you’re not in love with  _ me _ , you never have been.”

He was so surprised at her words that he didn’t know what to say at first. This was the first time that she had ever said as much out loud before. “You...you aren't in love with me either.” He pointed out quietly.

She didn't deny what he said. “But we work so well together Ron.” Her eyes moved up to meet his. “In spite of not being in love, we are  _ family _ and I don't want to lose you.”

“Hermione coming back won’t change that.” he said vehemently, trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince her.

“But you want  _ her _ .” she stated again quietly.

He sighed. “I mean, if it was Cam coming back after all of this time...would you still want  _ him _ ?”

She took a second to think before she nodded. “Yes Ron, I think that I would. And I know that I  _ should _ step aside, let you be with Hermione instead-”

“I’m not- I would  _ never _ ask you to do that!” he cut her off.

She shook her head. “I  _ know _ you wouldn’t ask that of me, of course you wouldn’t. And I know that it’s completely selfish of me to want you when you love someone else...but I  _ need _ you Ron, you and Max...you're all that I have.”

Iz still had a rocky relationship with her family but was slowly trying to rebuild their relationship for Max’s sake. Although her father had an amount of respect for the fact that Ron had stepped up and married his pregnant daughter, he and Ron still didn’t see eye to eye on most things. Ron tended to only come around on special occasions such as birthdays and holidays. Over the years, the two men had learned only to stick to light subjects, knowing that anything heavier would only turn into a row as they both had pretty bad tempers, which of course didn't help Iz’s situation at all.

He pulled her close to him. “I already told you that I’m not going anywhere yeah? This situation, I’ll admit, is  _ so _ fucking hard right now but...” he trailed off.

She must have sensed that there was no longer any point talking about it as they would probably just end up talking in circles. “Dinner is in the kitchen, I saved some for you.”

He honestly didn’t feel like eating just then, but decided to do so for her sake before going to bed. He felt like he desperately needed to sleep, as his body and soul were exhausted. Slowly he rose from the couch, taking Iz’s hand and helping pull her to her feet. She wrapped her arms around his waist then and he hugged her back, appreciating her honesty and her unwavering ability to be there for him when he needed her to be.


	8. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any mistakes, please let me know! I wrote this quickly and decided to post before I got a great look at it. Enjoy!

It was early on Monday morning as Hermione twisted her unruly hair up into a bun at the top of her head before securing it with a large black clip and smoothing it out as best as she could. She then applied a small amount of mascara and some lip balm before studying her reflection in the mirror. She smoothed out her crisp white top and pencil skirt, hoping that she looked professional enough to be taken seriously as she would be heading to the ministry for her trial-run a day before she officially started her new job. She tried to tame the pieces of her hair that had somehow already managed to fall out of her bun before giving up, letting out a sigh and turning around and exiting the bathroom of her temporary room at Grimmauld Place.

She had been ‘back’ for almost four weeks now, and so far, she had been throwing every ounce of her energy into getting her life back on track. She had, with the ministry’s help, gone to Australia only a few days after her talk with Ginny. Her parents had fortunately been easy to find, and she had quickly been able to successfully restore their memories with no complications. They had been understandably upset when she had explained what she had done to them, but they had forgiven her, both of them unwilling to lose the relationship with their only daughter. She had stayed with them for almost two weeks, and she had taken that time to further repair their relationship as she had finally been able to tell them the whole story of what had happened to her. Then, with her help they had strategized their plans to return to London, planning to move back after taking care of all the necessary things in Australia. 

When she had returned, she and Harry had made a trip to her childhood home to make sure that her parents had a place to return to. The yard had been extremely overgrown, and vines had started to climb up the once spotless bricks, but that was easily fixable. The inside had been dusty and stale, but otherwise everything had looked great and with Harry and Ginny’s help, two days later the house was once again in tip-top shape and ready for her parents to arrive once they were finished wrapping up in Australia. 

Slowly but surely, the wizarding community had learned of her miraculous return, and since then she had been getting tons of interview requests from the wizarding press, and to her surprise, a lot of fan mail from people thrilled that she was alive. The Daily Prophet had somehow gotten a picture of her the day that she and Ginny had traveled to Diagon Alley and gone to Ollivanders to get her a new wand, as she still had been using Bellatrix’s. She wasn't at all comfortable with all the attention that she was getting, so from then on, if she had to venture out for any reason, she used glamour charms to change her appearance.

Without asking him to do so, Harry had talked to Kingsley when she had been in Australia about getting her a job at the ministry. Kingsley then had automatically offered her a job in the  Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures , and much to her embarrassment he had waived an official interview, even though she had tried to talk him into giving her one. He had insisted, and then had set a date for her to go in and learn what the job would consist of, assigning someone for the day to help her learn the ropes. 

She was still at Grimmauld Place, but had found an apartment building that seemed perfect for her. It was close to the ministry and she had already paid the down payment and done the paperwork and would be moving in at the end of the week. 

Since being back, her nightmares had unfortunately come back with a vengeance. Most of them involved her being tortured at Malfoy Manor, with the sound of Ron screaming her name coming from below. Slowly the dreams had evolved so it was now  _ Ron _ being tortured, and by the time she managed to escape the cellar and make it to him, he was already dead, a frozen body on the floor. The nightmares made her scream out and make her whole body sweat so much that her sheets would be soaking wet by the time she realized what had happened. After the first few nights at Grimmauld Place, she had started to silence her room before she fell asleep, assuring herself that she would no longer be interrupting Harry and Ginny’s sleep, even though she had a feeling that both Harry and Ginny knew that they were still happening. She had of course, continued to silence herself nightly in Australia, not wanting her parents to have to witness her having one either.

She hadn't seen or heard from Ron since the day that she had been back. She was still coming to grips with the fact that he was now a married man with a family and therefore, off limits to her. She missed him more than she could ever admit to him, and knew that she couldn't simply not allow him in her life, even if it was just as friends. She planned to go to his office and talk to him later that day after she was through with her training. Kingsley had assured her that the training would only be for a few hours so she was determined to talk to Ron while she was there, even though she was terrified to do so.

o

O

o

Ron was feeling productive as he scribbled down his notes at an unusually fast pace, feeling optimistic that he would be done early that day. He was right in the middle of a sentence when there was a light tap on his office door.

“Come in!” he yelled, not bothering to look up. Most likely it was just someone coming in to give him plans for an upcoming mission, or just to give him more paperwork.

He heard the door open and the sound of someone stepping in and closing it lightly behind them. When he heard nothing else but silence, he raised his head in irritation to see who was interrupting him.

He felt his heart leap into his throat when he saw Hermione, standing in front of the closed door, wringing her hands nervously and looking at him. 

“Hey. Are you busy?” she asked quietly.

He wordlessly shook his head, dropping his quill onto his desk, his paperwork all but forgotten.

“Hi.” he managed to say, despite feeling like his insides were liquid. When he had seen her the first time a few weeks ago he had still been in shock, and even until that moment he had somehow doubted that he had seen her at all and that she had just been a trick of his imagination. This time though, as she stood in front of him, familiar and very much _alive_ , he knew that she was real.

She walked over and sat in the chair on the opposite side of his desk. “Ron, I’d like to apologize to you.” she said quickly, as if she had forced the words out.

He didn't say anything for a few long seconds.“That was formal.” he said,  _ just _ managing to keep his voice in check.

She managed a small smile. “No really. It was wrong of me to have turned you away like I did. You didn't deserve that.”

“It’s okay.” he breathed. “You didn't deserve to go through what you went through either,” he said softly.

He watched her gulp before staring down at her hands in her lap, avoiding his eyes. “The thing is Ron, I really don't want to lose you. I realized that I would rather have you in my life as a friend than to not have you in my life at all, no matter how hard that might be for me right now.”

He nodded at her, the vulnerability in her voice making him feel like his chest was caving in. It was taking all of his self control not to throw himself over the desk and grab tightly onto her and never let her go. 

“Yeah I’d like that Hermione.” he agreed. “I’ve tried the whole ‘not in my life’ thing with you already and I’ve gotta tell you that it wasn't all that it's cracked up to be.”

Her head snapped up to look at him, horrified. “Ron, that's not...that’s not  _ funny _ !”

“No. It really isn't.” he said sadly.

For the first time since she had walked into his office, she really looked at him. He watched as she took a deep breath and turned her head away from him, her eyes landing on a framed photo on his desk of him and Iz hugging and kissing on Max between them.

He figured that she could only see half of it from where she was sitting, and knew that she was probably curious.

“You can look.” he said softly, gesturing to the photo. “I don't mind.”

He watched as she hesitantly reached out and turned the picture around so she could look at it. He watched her study it, her lower lip in between her teeth, her eyes wistful before putting the picture back down and looking at him.

“He’s beautiful, Ron.” she managed, her eyes filling with tears. “She...she is too.”

“Thank you.” he said, not knowing what else to say. None of this felt right. Hermione was an entirely different part of his life than Iz and Max were, and he had never imagined that those two parts would ever come together.

“I never meant to hurt you.” he told her in just above a whisper, needing her to know that.

She looked up and gave him a small sad smile. “I know.”

He leaned back some, folding his hands on his chest. “How’ve you been? Are you okay?”

She ignored his questions and started talking. “I went to Australia and restored my parents' memories. They are getting everything settled over there but then they are moving back to London.”

He smiled at her. “Gin told me. I’m so glad to hear that.”

“And I’m going to get my own place soon. There's a really sweet little apartment complex close to here that I’ll be moving into at the end of the week.”

“Oh.” he said, surprised. “You won’t be staying with Harry and Ginny anymore?”

“No. Not that they haven't been great of course, but I can't depend on other people for the rest of my life. I want to make my own way, you know?”

“You were always headstrong as hell,” he smirked.

She let out a small laugh. “It will be Crookshanks and I against the world.”

He chuckled. “I cant believe that that bloody cat is still alive.”

“Don't you even try and pretend that you don't like him! Ginny told me that you two got pretty close after-” she stopped talking and looked at him apologetically.

“After I thought you had died, yeah.” he finished her sentence.

“You sure are blunt.” she admonished.

“It’s just reality Hermione. I don't want to tiptoe around the truth, I want us to be honest with each other.”

She turned her head towards the picture on his desk. “We can’t be  _ too  _ honest with each other Ron.” she said quietly.

He gave her a hard look before letting out a sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

“We’ll be  _ okay _ , right?” she said in a small voice. “I really want us to be okay Ron.”

He stared at her, studying every feature of hers that he had so missed. Her untamable hair, the light sprinkle of freckles across her nose, her dark and thick eyelashes. When he didn't answer, she looked up to see him staring and he heard her breath hitch. 

“Why are you staring at me like that Ron?”

He slowly shook his head, his eyes losing their intensity. “Sorry. I didn't mean- it’s just that- well, I really missed you Hermione.” He longed to tell her more. To tell her that losing her had almost killed him, how he thought of her almost every second of every day. How she was still the most amazing and beautiful person that he had ever known, how every single cell in his body desired her, loved her. How even though he had sex countless times with Iz, that his one kiss with her had been the highlight of his life. But he knew that he couldn't tell her any of those things.

“We will be okay Hermione. We’ll figure this out. It will get easier with time.”

She nodded at him but didn't say anything.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yes.” she responded slowly, looking at him curiously.

“When we were...when we were at Shell Cottage…”

He watched her wiggle a little uncomfortably in her chair at the mention of Shell Cottage. They had been so close then, he had spent those weeks every single second with her. At first, it had been helping her when she had been too weak to do much of anything, and even after she had regained her energy, he was still near her as a means of emotional support. He had held her as she had cried on countless occasions, had held her hand for most hours of the day, and eventually had even slept in the same bed as her, holding her as she slept. He remembered at first, the times that she had woken them all up with horrible screams and it had sounded as if she was being tortured all over again. 

“What about Shell Cottage?” she finally asked, interrupting him from his thoughts.

“Well...Ginny might have  _ accidentally _ let it slip that you're still having nightmares.” 

He watched as her eyes darkened in anger. “What?!” she exclaimed shrilly. “She had  _ no _ right to tell you that!”

“She really did let it slip on accident I promise, try not to be too hard on her.” he said quickly, not wanting Hermione to stop confiding in Ginny, as that was how he had learned about everything going on with Hermione.

She turned her head and let out an angry huff of air.

“I’m just concerned, Hermione.” he went on, not wanting to drop the subject.

“Yeah well, it isn't your job anymore to be concerned is it Ron?” she snapped, her eyes instantly widening in regret. “Ron, I’m sorry. I didn't mean-”

He put his hands out, stopping her. “You're right. It  _ is _ none of my business. But honestly Hermione, if you think that just because I’m married that I’m going to stop caring about you, you are wrong. I still care about you, I care about you a whole damn lot.”

She seemed not to be able to say anything so he went on. “You seemed better at Shell Cottage, and I thought they had stopped.”

She mumbled something but he didn’t understand what she had said.

“What?” he asked, leaning forward a bit so he could hear her better.

“It’s because you were holding me. When I was sleeping, if you were holding me...then I didn't have them.” she looked up at him letting out a sigh.

He let out a breath and leaned his head back pulling his hands slowly down the front of his face. He had certainly not been expecting that answer and felt quite distressed by it. “Well,  _ shit. _ ” he finally muttered. 

“Yeah.” she responded.

“I really..I really wish there was something I could do to help you.” he said dejectedly.

“I know. But in time they’ll stop.”

He didn't say anything so she went on. “I’m  _ fine  _ Ron, really I am.” she tried to assure him, but he wasn't assured in the slightest and when he again didn't say anything she started to stand up, straightening her skirt.“I actually really should let you get back to work though. Earlier it looked as if you were busy.” 

He stood up and walked around his desk to lean on the front of it as she fully stood up from her chair. They stood there, neither one of them saying anything.

“Friends?” he whispered and he watched her nod.

He didn't know if he was supposed to, but he took a few steps towards her and slowly wrapped her in his arms. He felt as she let out a lungful of air as she sagged into his body, hugging him back. They both were holding on to each other too tight and too long to be considered a simple hug between friends, but neither one seemed willing to let go just yet. His nose was in her hair and he was breathing her in as if he would never be able to again. He knew that he couldn't have her, but at that moment, he would have given every single knut he owned to just hold her like this forever. He was overcome with love for her, along with the many other emotions that came with that, guilt, regret, yearning. He clenched his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry, as he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop if he started, and knowing that it would only make things harder for her.

Finally, she stepped back from him, and when she did he saw tears running down her face and his heart dropped.

“ _ Hermione.”  _ he moaned as he reached out his hands to cup her face, his whole body aching at the sight of her obvious anguish.

She stood still and allowed him to wipe the tears away from her face softly with his thumbs as they finally looked at each other in a way that did not at all disguise what they were feeling. He could see the pain in her face, the longing for something that they both desperately wanted but couldn't have. He was positive that his face was mirroring hers as she reached up to gently grab his wrists and pull his hands away from her.

She sniffed before she took a step back, his hands slowly falling to his sides. She looked up at him again before putting her hand over her mouth as she stifled back a sob. “Ron. You’ve got...You’ve got to get to work, and I’ve got to go now.” she said, her voice coming out shakily.

“Yeah.” he put his hands in his auror robe pockets and stepped back. “I know that you start tomorrow, but I hope that the job is everything that you dreamt it would be, Hermione, and that you're happy.”

“Thank you Ron. I hope you- I hope the rest of your day goes well.” she responded before slowly walking backwards to the door, opening it behind her and quickly stepping out and pulling it shut behind her with a click that sounded like a gunshot.

He turned and collapsed in the chair that she had been sitting in, letting out a breath of air that he had been holding. He leaned his head over the back of the chair and groaned, his hands roughly rubbing his eyes.

  
“This is a  _ good _ thing Weasley...a  _ good  _ thing.” he muttered to himself. He tried to internally convince himself that being friends with her was enough for him, but the realistic part of him told him that he was an ignorant bloody fool.


	9. Better

*3 Months Later*

Ever since his talk with Hermione in his office, things on the whole had been looking up for the better. Since they all worked at the ministry, he, Harry and Hermione had started getting together almost every day during their lunch breaks. The exception to this of course was when either himself or Harry had a mission to go out on, but missions right now were few and far between, the wizarding community being more at peace than it had ever been. 

Although it had at first been a little awkward and uncomfortable between him and Hermione moving on as friends, now it was starting to feel almost like old times. When he was around her, they both made it a point to keep the chatter friendly and light, making it easier to ignore all of the unsaid words between them. They purposely didn’t touch each other, both of them keeping a friendly distance and if possible, always keeping Harry between them. He was trying to remain optimistic, and even though he knew that his situation wasn't ideal it was certainly better than what it had been before. Sure, he wasn't with the woman that he wanted to be with, the one that he was in  _ love  _ with, but at least she was now once again a part of his life.

While things had been a bit strained between him and Iz for a bit after Hermione had returned, things had again gone back to normal there as well and he was thankful. She had started back at her healer training, and to him she seemed overall happier in general. Part of him knew that he probably should have talked her into starting back earlier, but she had always been very hesitant to leave Max. He knew that even though she of course trusted Molly, she had always been anxious when it came to their son. 

Besides the first time at Grimmauld Place, he had only seen Hermione at work and she had yet to meet either Iz or Max. He knew of course that neither Hermione or Iz would provoke each other if they happened to meet, but part of him was still hesitant despite both women having shown interest to meet each other. He couldn't help the uncomfortable feeling that he got when he thought about it, and had been avoiding them meeting for as long as he possibly could.

It was a Thursday afternoon, and Harry was out on a small mission that day while Ron was stuck doing paperwork. He had sent a post to Hermione earlier that morning that had read.

_ Hey fledgling. Harry is out on a non-dangerous (so you won't worry) mission today. Do you still want to meet for lunch? _

He had resumed his old ways of messing with her, happily joking around and trying to push her buttons. Lately he had been gloating that while he was 23, she was technically still 18 and he hadn't been letting her forget it. He would throw little quips into their conversations, calling her names such as ‘little girl’ and ‘teen-queen’ and asking her if her parents knew where she was, etc. This amused Harry to no end, and even though Hermione always acted annoyed, he could tell that she was trying to hide the fact that she found it funny as well as she always retorted by calling him an old man.

Only a few minutes later, he got her reply, a hastily scribbled,

_ Hello decrepit fellow, I’ll meet you in the cafeteria at noon. _

He smiled, imagining her being interrupted from her work and a being just a tad annoyed to have to stop for a second to reply to him. He was practically counting down the minutes until lunch, and he told himself that was only because he was hungry as hell,  _ not _ because he was looking forward to having lunch alone with Hermione.

When the clock hit 11:55, he made a small whooping sound before jumping up, putting on his auror robes and walking out. When he made it to the cafeteria, he looked around for Hermione but she was nowhere in sight. He went ahead and went through the line, grabbing her lunch as well as his, so she wouldn't have to go through the line once she got there. Once he had paid, he walked over to an empty table and sat down, unable to wait for her to start eating. About five or so minutes later he was done with his sandwich, and Hermione was still nowhere in sight. He stood up, grabbing his trash and throwing it away before starting the walk to the department that he knew that Hermione worked at. 

Unlike the auror department, where they all had their own offices, her department consisted of several rows of cubicles. He had never been to this part of the Ministry before, and slowly walked along, looking for her name on the outside of the cubicles. He was almost to the end of the first row before he spotted her name, and when he looked in he was relieved to see her hunched over her desk, writing furiously. He leaned back and watched her, unable to stop the smile on his face as she frustratingly blew the loose strands of her hair that had broken free from her braid. He had seen her look that way at Hogwarts millions of times, but hadn't seen it since and it gave him such a powerful feeling of nostalgia.

She was so into what she was doing that she was oblivious to him standing there and watching her. wanting to get her attention without startling her, he loudly cleared his throat. She gasped and twirled around in her chair, letting out an audible sigh when she realized that it was him. 

“What are you  _ doing _ here Ron?” she asked, her hand over her heart. 

He leaned over and set her lunch on her desk. “You're welcome.”

She immediately checked her watch and groaned. “I’m so sorry! I’ve just been swamped and completely didn't realize what time it was.”

He chuckled and then gulped as he watched her lift her arms high above her head and lean her upper back over the top of her chair, letting out a sigh of content as she stretched her head all the way back. He turned away and shook his head, annoyed at himself. Only  _ she _ could make him feel like a bloody horny teenager again. 

“Thanks for bringing me lunch Ron. You didn't have to do that.”

“What are friends for wee one?” he replied, smiling at her.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him as she took a large bite of her sandwich. He chuckled, leaning against her desk in silence as she finished. He knew that he couldn't touch, but he wasn't able to stop himself from looking at her. He had always been enthralled by her, and enjoyed watching her no matter what she was doing, eating no exception.

When she was done, he watched as she looked him up and down almost longingly before meeting his eyes, hers widening as if she had been caught doing something wrong. Apparently he wasn't the only one.

“Are you taller now?” She asked quickly, as if to explain why she had been looking at him as she had been. “I mean, taller than when you were eighteen, I mean?” she asked, her cheeks pink.

He shrugged, “I don't really know. Possibly.”

“Oh. You just seem bigger. Maybe it’s because you're, I don't know, wider than you used to be...” her cheeks got even pinker

“It’s amazing what growing up does to a body.” he smirked. “Not that you would know of course.”

“Really Ronald, when are you going to let that joke go, it’s starting to get old.”

“You’re too young to know what that word means.” he quipped and to his delight, she let out a loud laugh.

“Oh, just shut it already.”

“Your birthday is coming up.” he started, wondering if she knew that Ginny was throwing her a surprise party at The Three Broomsticks.

“Don’t remind me.” she groaned. “Ginny apparently is throwing me a party.”

His mouth opened. “How do you _ know _ that?”

She frowned, “She’s very obvious. And of course you  _ knew _ and didn't tell me. Traitor.” 

He chuckled, raising his hands up in mock innocence. “Don't blame me, it’s all Gin. I’m just an innocent bystander!”

“Mhm. So tell me details.”

“Three Broomsticks. She invited almost everyone in our year.”

“Of course she did.” she mused, running her hands through her loose strands of hair. “Do I have to go?”

“You do. I’ll be there.”

“Now I  _ definitely _ don't want to go.” she teased.

He cleared his throat. “I’ll be, um, I’ll be bringing Iz with me.”

Her grin disappeared. “Oh. Well I can't wait to meet her.”

“Yeah, it will be  _ great. _ An absolute blast.” he said sarcastically.

“Why aren't you comfortable with me meeting her, Ron?”

He shrugged. “The answer’s a bit obvious, don't you think?”

She didn't say anything, and he knew that he had already probably said too much and was treading dangerous waters. “Just might be awkward, is all.” he gave her a small smile. “It will be fine though I’m sure.”

They then bid their farewells, both needing to get back to work.

o

O

o

“Ginny, I can  _ not _ believe that you want me to wear this!” Hermione grumbled as she tried to pull up the front of the top that was showing way too much cleavage for her comfort.

“You look  _ good _ Hermione. You never know, you might catch the attention of a handsome man tonight.”

She rolled her eyes. “So you’re saying that I won't be able to capture the attention of a handsome man  _ without _ the tops of my breasts spilling out over my blouse?”

Ginny giggled, her body clad in a skin-tight dress that Hermione would never in a million years wear. “Of course not Hermione. I just want you to have fun tonight, you never have any  _ fun _ . I also think that your self confidence needs a boost and I want you to feel attractive.”

“And I can't feel attractive without worrying that one or both of my nipples will somehow pop out in front of everyone?”

Again Ginny laughed. “You are  _ so _ exaggerating! You're hardly even showing anything I promise. But if you're uncomfortable, just magic the fabric to stretch higher, problem solved!”

Hermione did the spell and felt better, but glared at Ginny when she sneakily used  _ her _ wand to make it go just a little lower, but when she saw her reflection in the mirror she liked what she saw so she left it alone. 

o

O

o

Thirty minutes later Hermione was waiting just around the corner from the three broomsticks with Ginny. All of the guests believed that she had no idea what was going on, and Ginny had refused to allow her to tell anyone otherwise. She had to admit to herself that she was extremely nervous about how the night would go. Not only was it a party in which she knew that she would have to see and talk to everyone, but she would also be meeting Iz. 

From the few things that Ron had told her she was very nice, but Hermione instinctively had to have  _ some  _ negative feelings for her, even though she knew that they were irrational. The woman after all had the one thing that Hermione had always wanted. Not that Ron was a possession of course, but she had quite literally wanted him since she was twelve.

Through the years of course, her feelings for him had only gotten stronger and her attraction to him had grown. The older he had gotten, the easier it had been for him to melt her, even if he had been extremely oblivious to that fact. She didn't know how she would be able to handle seeing him actually interacting with his wife. It was one thing to  _ know _ that he was married, and another to  _ see _ that proof in front of her. She didn't think that she would be able to handle seeing Iz’s hands all over Ron, or his hands all over her. She couldn't see Ron doing that to her though, so that gave her at least a little piece of mind.

She was interrupted from her thoughts by Harry’s stag patronus flying towards them, before stopping and telling them that everyone was there. 

“Okay, ready?” Ginny asked excitedly, grabbing tightly ahold of Hermione’s arm.

“Nope,” she replied honestly.

Ginny ignored her, “Great, let’s go!”

When they made it there and walked inside, she really hadn't had to do that much acting. Everyone had screamed ‘Happy Birthday!’ so loud that she had immediately taken a step back in surprise. Ron hadn't been lying when he had said that Ginny had invited everyone there. Along with Harry and the Weasley siblings, she saw Neville, Dean, Seamus, Hagrid, Luna, the Patil twins, Susan Bones, and Hannah Abbot plus a few others. 

She spotted Ron with Iz towards the back, and she pointedly did not look their way again, wanting to get a few drinks in her first to hopefully calm her nerves before talking to them. Someone put a fruity drink into her hand as she went around saying hi to everyone, and when she finished it she was immediately handed another. Eventually she found that she was quite enjoying seeing everyone, and discussing how much their lives had changed while she had basically been frozen in time. 

She tried not to think of that fact very much, as it sometimes made her feel somewhat bitter. Not only had she lost Ron of course, she also had to get reacquainted with people who had had no contact with her in years. She also felt so much younger than everyone, as they all had experienced many different things, met a lot of new people, and overall gotten their life on track while she felt left behind.

She hadn't ever really had much experience with alcohol and found she quite liked the feeling of being a little tipsy. By her third drink she was feeling the effects of it a little too strongly so she excused herself. She went to the bar and leaned over it to see the menu, wanting to order a bit of food to put in her stomach. 

Someone quickly slid onto the stool next to her and when she turned she saw Ron grinning at her. With the alcohol in her system, seeing him smile at her like that was making it just that much harder to resist him so she quickly looked away again.

“Hey kiddo, having a good time?” he asked, playfully nudging her with his elbow.

“I don't talk to creepy old men.” she replied, looking at the menu to decide what she wanted to order.

She heard him sigh. “You look really beautiful Hermione,” he said in a pensive voice.

She turned to him in surprise and for the first time she noticed a glazed look in his usually crystal clear eyes. He must have wanted to drink some due to the inevitable meeting as well.

“Just  _ how  _ drunk are you Ron?” she asked.

He scoffed. “I needed to get drunk enough to do what I have to do tonight.”

“Touche.” she replied, earning her another one of his lopsided grins to which she had to turn away from once more.

“It’s…” he heard him say before trailing off. 

When she turned to him, she saw that he was biting his bottom lip while not so subtly staring at her chest as she leaned over the bar. 

While part of her was pleased by this, the larger part of her was mortified. “Ron!” she hissed at him, his eyes instantly going up to her face. She watched his eyes widen as his face turned scarlet. 

“Really sorry Hermione.” he said earnestly, turning away from her and taking a swig of his butterbeer.

“You're fine.” she assured him, before turning around to see if anyone was close behind them. To her relief, no one was.

“So. Are you ready?” he asked her with an apprehensive look on his face. 

“Are  _ you _ ready?” she replied.

“Hell no.”

“Okay, then let’s do it.” she said, sliding off of her stool and waiting for him to do the same.

“Bloody brilliant. Great. Best day of my life.” he mumbled as he started leading her to the back where Iz was standing with Harry and George.

If she hadn't been so nervous, she might have laughed at his sarcasm. “Except opposite.” she added.

“Yep.” 

“Ron, just so I can be better prepared, what all does she know abo-”

“Everything.” he cut her off. “She knows about everything.”

Hermione gulped, now impossibly more nervous than she had been before, and the next thing she knew they were standing right in front of Iz. 

“Iz, this is Hermione. Hermione, this is Iz.” he gestured between the two of them seeming almost bored.

He certainly hadn't made it any easier for her and she would have glared at him but didn't feel that it was appropriate to do so in front of his wife.

To her surprise, there was no hostility or resentment in the other woman’s face as she smiled at her. “Hi, it’s so nice to finally meet you Hermione.” 

She sounded genuine and Hermione felt more at ease as she held her hand out and shook Iz’s. As she shook her hand, Hermione tried not to think of the fact that the hand that she was shaking had probably touched every single square inch of Ron’s body.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” she replied.

She watched as Ron stepped up beside Iz, his hands in his pockets and his expression as awkward as could be.

Iz ignored him, taking Hermione’s hand and leading her to the small corner table for some privacy. Hermione didn't miss the groan of frustration that came from Ron as she did this and noticed that Iz hadn't missed it either when she let out a small laugh.

When they were both seated they looked at Ron who was still standing a few feet away. Iz smiled sweetly at him before she made a slight sweeping motion with her hand, wordlessly telling him to go away. Ron rolled his eyes and threw his head back dramatically before turning around and stomping off as both of them laughed.

“He can throw a fit like a child, that one can.” Iz said, smiling fondly at Ron’s retreating back.

“Don’t I know it.” Hermione replied, still laughing. As much as she didn't  _ want  _ to like Iz, she couldn't help but like her already.

“But still, at his core he’s a really great man. Probably the best one I know.” 

“He is.” Hermione replied softly, not knowing if that was saying too much.

“So Ron tells me that you three see each other almost everyday for lunch at the ministry. That must be nice.” Iz said warmly.

“It is. Harry and Ron have always been my best friends. I honestly don't know what I’d do without them.” she replied truthfully.

Iz nodded. “Trust me, I’ve heard and seen the pictures of how close you three were-are.” 

Maybe it was the alcohol making her brave, but she wanted the other woman to know. “I want to thank you. For being there for Ron I mean. Ginny told me how you helped him. So thank you.”

Iz looked touched by her words. “He helped me too. We helped each other I guess.”

Hermione nodded. “He told me.”

“Hermione, I really  _ am _ sorry.” 

Hermione’s head snapped up, her eyes meeting Iz’s as she continued. “I never meant to get in the middle of anything, it just happened that way. Trust me when I say that I am _ genuinely _ sorry.”

Hermione hadn't been expecting an apology, and could only slightly nod her head at Iz’s words.

“I can only imagine how hurt you were when you found out that Ron was married, how hurt you  _ still  _ might be. He hurts too you know, he tries to hide it from me but I know he does.”

Hermione’s eyes started watering. “Please.” she begged. “Please stop. I can’t- I can't hear this.”

Iz looked apologetic. “I’m sorry. I just needed you to know that I never meant to take him away from you. But he’s the father of my son and that means so much to me. Max needs him, and I do too.”

Hermione sniffed and nodded her head, tears now streaming down her face. “We’ve been doing great actually, these last few months I mean. We are working out just fine as friends, so there's really nothing to apologize for,” she said in a small voice.

Iz gave her a sad smile just as Ron reappeared to check on them. Hermione watched as his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion as he took in the sight of the two women, his wife looking sad and Hermione with tear tracks running down her face.

“It’s about time to pick up Max.” Iz stated, getting up and standing next to Ron before looking down at Hermione. “I’m sorry again. I hope I didn't stop you from enjoying your party. I really shouldn't have said anything.”

Hermione shook her head and plastered a smile on her face that she hoped would be convincing , but by the look on Ron’s face she knew that she at least wasn't fooling him. “No, of course not. Thank you, it was lovely to meet you.”

Iz gave her one last smile before she and Ron turned around and headed out. She watched them walk away together, her heart breaking at the sight of Ron’s hand gently holding on to Iz’s elbow, guiding her through the crowd towards the front door. 

Just before she lost sight of them, Ron turned his head to look at her. He gave her the saddest gaze that she had ever seen, his eyes full of worry and regret. When they were out of sight she grabbed a full shot of firewhiskey that had been set in front of her earlier and downed it in one gulp. She smiled as she saw Neville and Hannah walk towards her, knowing that it was her party and she had to socialize, even though she wanted nothing more than to go home, lay in her bed and cry.


	10. While It Lasted

Hello all! This is my favorite chapter so far, but it is a sad one. Again reminding you that things will get _worse_ before they get better. As usual, thanks for reading and please tell me what you think :)

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*Several Weeks Later*

“I _still_ can’t believe that you managed to snag the _hottest_ man in all of London as a date for the Ministry Gala Hermione!” Ginny exclaimed as she rifled through the dresses on the rack, looking for one that Hermione would like.

Hermione let out a laugh as she too was rifling. “I _am_ quite lucky!” she sighed. “I can't believe that the _hottest_ man in London chose me to be his date either, but what can I say? He must have seen _something_ in me that was worth asking.”.

“Yeah well, don't get all handsy with him Granger, or I'll have to hurt you.” Ginny said in a mock serious tone.

“Trust me, that won't be a problem.” Hermione laughed as she pulled out a purple gown. “This is pretty!”

Ginny turned to look and wrinkled her nose. “Too boring. Buuut look at this one!” She held up a stunning strapless floor-length dress for Hermione to look at. It was a beautiful deep blue, and while the material from the waist down was smooth and silky, the top was etched intricately with lace. It was a little too sexy for her taste, but Hermione thought it was the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. 

She stepped up to touch the top carefully. “I don't know. I mean, I love it of course, but isn't it a little fancy? It would be different if I was going with someone as an _actual_ date and I was wanting to impress them but…”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good just for the sake of doing it Hermione. I’ve been trying to tell you that for, I don't know, _forever._ ”

Hermione sighed. “Ok.” she grabbed the dress from Ginny. “Let's buy it before I can change my mind.”

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“Hey, help me with this will you?” Iz called from the bedroom.

Ron walked out of the bathroom to see Iz trying to button the last small button at the back of her dress. He walked over and fastened it before turning her around. “You look amazing.” he smiled and she really did. Her long hair was falling down her back, and her black dress accentuated her curves.

“I always feel so awkward at these events,” she responded as she put in her earrings. “What time will your mum be here?” she asked.

“Any minute now, I’m sure,” he said just as they heard the whoosh of the fireplace.

He walked out into the living Room so see his mum already kissing on Max who was on the couch with his toy dinosaurs. “Hey mum. Thanks for watching him.”

“Of course son,” she replied, standing up to grab his face and smother it in kisses as well.

They had decided for Molly to come watch Max at their place so Ron would be able to put him to bed. The gala started at 9, and it was already 8:30.

“Come on.” he said as he scooped up Max and put him on his shoulders. “It’s time for bed.”

Delighted to be up so high, Max didn't complain and squealed in excitement.

As usual they went to the bathroom first so he could brush Max’s teeth, then they went to Max’s room where Ron dressed him in his pyjamas. Sometimes he read him a book or told him a story, but other times, like tonight, they laid down in the twin bed together in silence until Ron was sure that the tot was out. 

Ron was just creeping out of the bed when Iz stepped in. She leaned down and kissed Max on the forehead before standing up, and they exited the room together. Ron immediately went to their bedroom and put on his dress robes and shoes before meeting Iz in the living room.

When he walked out Iz was talking to Molly who was sitting comfortably on the couch knitting what he assumed was going to be a Weasley sweater for Christmas for one of the family members. “Ok. We’re off. Let us know if you need anything.” he told her.

“I’ll be fine Ronald. You two go out and have fun.” she said, looking up at them warmly and then they said their goodbyes before apparating to the gala.

The ministry rented the same banquet hall for the gala that they held every year. All of the employees and their spouses were required to attend, and it was always a very formal event. It was a night to celebrate everything that the ministry and the wizarding community as a whole had accomplished since the end of the war. 

Ron and Iz had planned to meet Harry and Hermione (Ginny had a game that night with the Holyhead’s so Harry had asked Hermione to be his date) outside the front of the building before going inside together. As Ron spotted Harry and Hermione standing together and talking, he felt his throat constrict. Hermione looked even more gorgeous than normal, and the dress she was wearing was sure to drive him absolutely barmy by the end of the night. 

_‘Merlin help me,’_ he thought.

After everyone had happily greeted each other, they made their way inside and quickly found the small circular table that had been assigned for them to sit. Everything that year was white and crystal, somehow reminding Ron of the Yule Ball, which did not help ease his nerves in the slightest. Eventually though, as the four of them eased into conversations and were down several drinks, Ron found himself quite enjoying the night. About half of the people were dancing on the large dance floor in between different speeches that were happening every thirty minutes or so, but none of them had danced yet. Iz and Hermione had been giggling together about something that thankfully had to do nothing with him as he chatted with Harry about a case that they were both currently assisting on. 

Just then, a piece of folded parchment came flying through the air, landing on the table right in front of Iz. She picked it up, her eyes reading it quickly. “I have to go.” she said, standing up.

This hadn't been too uncommon lately. She had recently gotten her first real job at St. Mungo’s, and if they had happened to be understaffed at certain times they tended to call in the newer workers so they could receive more practice.

Ron stood up to go with her. “No Ron, really. Stay here and enjoy your night. I’ll see you when you get home.” Iz said.

Ron reluctantly agreed, giving her a kiss on the cheek and telling her to be safe before he sat down again. Once Iz was gone, the three of them resumed their happy conversations and had even more to drink. A little while later, Kingsley came over and grabbed Harry, dragging him away to meet some important people that had come all the way from France to be at the gala.

With just the two of them now sitting at the table, Ron suddenly felt nervous. He had a hard enough time controlling himself from saying or doing something that he shouldn't do around her on a normal everyday basis, but with the setting, the alcohol, and the way she looked right now, he _really_ didn't trust himself. 

He watched her give him a mischievous grin that was much carefree than she usually showed, and knew that she was tipsy as well. 

“We both got abandoned, didn't we fossil?”

He laughed. “Fossil? Is that the best that you can come up with, whippersnapper?”

She had a challenging look in her eyes as she leaned forward towards him. “Call me that again. I _dare_ you.”

He leaned forward as well so they were now face to face. “ _Whi-per-snap-per_.” he said slowly, his eyes leaving hers and moving to her mouth that was slightly gaped open. 

After a few seconds he looked up and saw that her eyes were trained on his own lips before they moved up and again looked at him. At the same time, they both quickly sat back into their chairs, letting out sighs and not looking at each other.

The band started to play a slow song and before Ron could overthink things, he stood up and reached his hand down to her.

“Dance with me?” 

He watched her eyes go from his face to his hand, hesitating.

He rolled his eyes. “Come on Hermione, I don’t bite.”

She slowly raised her arm and took his hand as he swiftly pulled her to her feet, and together they walked to the dance floor. He pulled her over to the dark corner of the floor where there was privacy and pulled her close to him, slightly closer than he figured was appropriate as he heard her breath catch. 

“Ron…”

“What?” he feigned innocence. “It’s just dancing Hermione.”

She gave him a face that made him aware that she knew exactly what he was doing but she didn't respond and continued to sway with him, her arms clasped around his neck, his hands on her lower back. 

They were both quiet, listening to the lyrics of the song that they were dancing to.

_You and I both have to hide on the outside,_

_Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine._

They looked at each other before they both quickly looked away.

“Well, _that’s_ depressing.” he mumbled.

She didn't respond as they both continued to sway.

_Why can't I hold you in the street?_

_Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?_

_I wish that it could be like that_

_Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours_

_Why can't I say that I'm in love?_

_I wanna shout it from the rooftops._

“I’m sorry.” he broke their silence.

She looked up at him, confused. “For what?” 

“Well, do you remember when we danced at Bill and Fleur’s wedding?”

“Of course I do.” she still looked confused, not knowing where he was going with this.

“The whole time that we were dancing, I was trying to work up the nerve to tell you that I was in love with you...but I just couldn’t do it.”

“You felt that way _then_?” she whispered.

He let out a humorless laugh. “Bloody well _before_ then.”

“Why say that _now_ Ron?” she shook her head. “It’s too late.”

He continued, now deep in thought. “Maybe if I would have told you, we could have had more _time_ . Been together longer. Kissed more than _fucking one time._ ” He started to feel rage bubble up at the amount of regret he felt.

Hermione’s eyes were watering. “There’s no _point_ in these kinds of conversations Ron. What will they accomplish other than make us miserable and resentful of the past?”

“Maybe we have a right to be angry.” he retorted.

_It's obvious you're meant for me_

_Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly_

_Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep_

_But I'll never show it on my face_

_But we know this, we got a love that is hopeless._

“And _again_ , what would that accomplish?” he saw the pain in her face, but was unable to stop.

“I don’t _know_ , but maybe feeling angry will feel better than _this._ I hate feeling like this all the _fucking_ time, Hermione. Knowing that you’re right there, but that I can never have you? It's making me feel like I’m going _insane._

“Ron…” he saw that she had given up her fight to stop her tears from falling. “I-” she cut herself off, shaking her head as if to shake some sense into herself.

“What? Say it.” he demanded, pulling her even closer to him, so that every inch of their bodies pressed against each other.

“No.” she said, glaring at him.

“You look so sexy tonight.” he said huskily. “You are beautiful _all_ of the time, but with that dress? Oh the things I want to _do_ to you, Hermione.”

She gasped and jumped back. “ _Stop it_!” she tried to say sternly, but he heard her voice wavering.

“What?” he asked seriously as he stepped forward to get close to her again, his lips going down towards her ear. “Should I hide the fact that I _want_ you Hermione? I did that for years, and I’m _tired_ of doing it.”

She pushed him roughly away from her before she spun around and ran off of the dance floor. He cursed at himself before quickly following her, easily able to keep up. He could tell that she was frantically trying to find somewhere to get away, exiting the dance hall and power-walking down an empty hallway, before she came to the first door, opening it and quickly walking inside. He wasn't quite sure if her goal was to get away from _him_ or to get away from other people, but he knew that he wasn't going to leave her unless she explicitly told him to.

He followed behind her and closed the door behind him. The lights were off, the only light coming from the moon from the window as he had a quick look around. They were in a good-sized room that looked like it was made for smaller gatherings, but at the moment it was just storing a large number of stacked plastic chairs.

He turned his gaze to Hermione. She was staring at him intensely, looking like she was either going to start snogging him, or start hitting him, he wasn't sure.

“What you said out there Ron, it wasn't _appropriate_.” she spit out, crossing her arms against her chest. 

“No. It wasn’t.” he confirmed, also crossing his arms across his chest.

She lost her composure for a bit at his agreeance before going on. “It doesn't matter how much you... _want_ me Ron, you're-”

“Married. I know.” he sighed. “I _am_ really sorry, if that makes it any better.”

“Are you?” she asked, her face doubtful.

He shrugged. “Well, I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable.”

She shook her head at him. “That was _too_ close Ron.”

His body sagged and he rubbed his eyes. “Fine. You're right Hermione, I was an arse. Honestly I just used dancing to get close to you, Merlin knows I have to have an excuse to even _touch_ you now.” he spit out.

Her chin started quivering. “It was..it was going so _good_ between us Ron...it was almost...almost like old times.”

He scoffed at her. “You mean like old times where I secretly pined for you 24/7? When I was miserable because I yearned for you so _bad_ that it was painful? Well in that fucking case Hermione, yes, it has been _just_ like old times!” He threw his arms out in frustration before turning away from her.

“At least that way we could...we could still be in each other’s lives…” she said in barely over a whisper.

He spun back around to face her. “I _told_ you Hermione. I’m so _sick_ of pretending!” he yelled, unable to keep his frustration at bay any longer. “I refuse to act like you are just my fucking _friend._ ”

He saw anger flash in her eyes. “Do you think it’s _easy_ for me?” she yelled back. “At least _you_ have had time to get used to the idea that you couldn't have me! You moved on! I went from one moment thinking that I had you to having to see you married to _someone else!”_

“I thought you were _dead_ Hermione! You never had to _grieve_ for me, you never had to watch me fucking _die!_ And don't you _dare_ tell me that I have ‘moved on’ dammit because we _both_ know that I haven't!” 

“Well you need to!” she yelled shrilly, causing both of them to stand and glare at each other.

The words hung in the air, moving around them as they stared at each other, their faces slowly changing from anger to sadness.

He took a few steps forward until he was standing directly in front of her. Slowly he bent his head down and kissed the top of her head, his hands coming up to cup her face.

“You know, that song was right.” he chuckled. “I _am_ yours.”

She shook her head. “No, you're _hers.”_

He sighed. “I may be hers on paper,” he took her hand and splayed it out over his heart. “But in _here_ , I’m _yours_. I always have been.”

“It’s not _fair_ ,” she whimpered, her hands grabbing onto his robes.

“No. It bloody isn't,” he replied “I want to _hold_ you. I want to _kiss_ you. I want to wake up next to _you_ every day. I love you so fucking much that it _hurts_ Hermione.”

She shook her head at him, tears leaking down her face. “You shouldn't say stuff like this to me Ron. It isn't _right._ ” though she tightened her grip on his robes.

His voice started to break as he spoke. “The problem is that it _is_ right Hermione. _We_ are right. We may both be absolutely _mental_ together, but we have always been _right._ Even when we are fighting and carrying on like a couple of mandrakes, we are _still_ _right._

She let out a small laugh and he pulled her face up to his until his forehead leaned against hers, their lips dangerously close to each other. They took shuddering breaths into each other's faces, inhaling each other. She was so _close_ that all he had to do would lean down an inch or two and...

“We _can’t_.” she whispered.

He stilled, not saying anything for several long seconds. “I know.” he whispered back to her, slowly leaning back and straightening up. 

“ _I know_.” he said again angrily before turning around. With a roar, he violently shoved a tall stack of chairs and they crashed down, making a thunderous clatter as they collided with the floor. With his chest heaving, he stood and stared at the mess that he had just made.

“We- we can’t do this anymore Ron.” he heard Hermione say quietly behind him. “We can't be friends. We were kidding ourselves into thinking that it was possible, but it just _isn't_.” 

Ron nodded solemnly. “You're right. I can’t- I can’t trust myself around you. It’s taking _all_ of my self control right now to stay away from you.”

“We did good for a while, didn't we? We were able to pretend for a little while? I’m thankful for that.” she mused.

He turned to her, her face looking as anguished as he felt, both of them now openly crying. “I don’t...I don’t want to stay away from you Hermione.”

“I don’t want to stay away from you either. But do you see any other way Ron?”

He shook his head dejectedly at her.

She nodded, already stepping back towards the door, her eyes still on his. “For what it’s worth, I will miss you every single day.”

Suddenly, they heard voices and the door was flung open. Harry and Iz looked in, taking in the sight of both of their startled expressions and tear-stained faces. 

Harry spoke first, eager to diffuse the tension. “Come on Hermione, let me get you home.” With that he stepped forward and grabbed her hand, and a second later, they were gone.

Iz and Ron stared at each other. “They didn't..they didn't need me after all.” she said weakly.

“Iz, nothing happened-”

She held up her hand, stopping him. “It doesn't matter if something _did_ happen. That’s not the real problem is it?”

He shook his head, feeling so shitty standing there as he stared at her.

“Let’s go home.” she said quietly.

“My mum’s there. I can't see her right now.”

“Apparate into the bedroom. I'll take care of it.” 

He smiled at her gratefully before apparating straight to the bedroom. He laid on the bed, his body feeling exhausted with all the emotions of the night. About 10 minutes later, Iz walked into the room and closed the door behind her.

“She’s gone. I told her that you were still there with Harry.”

Somehow the fact that she had lied for him made him feel worse. “Thanks.” he mumbled, not able to look at her.

“Ron. I was wrong….I’m going to let you go. You need to be with Hermio-”

“NO!” he yelled, sitting up and putting his head in his hands, his whole body now trembling. 

As much as the thought of being able to _finally_ be able to be with Hermione tempted him, he had to think rationally. When he had married Iz, he had made a commitment and he had never taken things like that lightly. Not only that, Iz depended on him so much and he didn't know what she would do without him. And then of course there was Max, his main reason for not wanting a way out of his marriage. He didn't want to lose a moment with his son. He needed Max to be there every day when he got home, needed to be the one to put him to bed every night as he always had. He knew that above all, he couldn't bear to lose Max. 

And Hermione. As _much_ as he loved her, as much as he _ached_ to be with her, he knew that she would be alright. She was independent and could easily take care of herself, she didn't _need_ him as Iz needed him. Yes, she was hurt just as he was, and that fact _destroyed_ him, but he also knew that she was strong. Now that they had come to the mutual agreement to stay away from each other, she would be able to move on, she could meet someone else and be _happy_.

“Ron. This isn't right anymore and you know it.” Iz continued. “I know how you two feel about each other and you should be with her _._ Just look at you now! You're _miserable_ and I don't want to be the _reason_ for it anymore.”

“You're _not_ the reason that I’m miserable.” he retorted truthfully. “You've been _nothing_ but good for me Iz, and I swear to you that’s the truth.”

“You should be with _her_ , Ron.” she said again quietly. 

“No. I’m going to _fight_ for this marriage, Iz. And I need you to do the same.”

“I-”

“I’m _serious_ Iz. Thank you for caring about my feelings, but this is so much more than just the way that I feel and you _know_ that.”

He watched her eyes water as she nodded. 

He took a deep breath, willing himself to feel more determined. “Hermione and I have decided not to be friends anymore. We will learn how to live without each other and that’s just the way that it has to be from now on.”

“I’m sorry.” she said sincerely.

“I know you are, and I love you for it.” he stood up and wrapped her in his arms, desperately hoping that everything would work out and be okay for all of them. 

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The song that they are dancing to in this chapter is “Secret Love Song Part 2” by “Little Mix”


	11. Moving On

As always, enjoy and let me know what you think! 

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*2 Months Later*

Hermione was woken by her wand vibrating under her pillow. It was six o’clock sharp as she pulled herself groggily out of bed to get ready for work. She slowly padded her way towards the bathroom for a quick shower. On the way there she caught sight of her dress that she had worn the night of the ball where it was still hanging on a hanger on the back of the bathroom door after she had taken if off that night. 

She didn’t know why she hadn’t put it away in her closet yet, she figured that she just wasn't ready to admit the finality of her relationship with Ron. Even though her chest ached with pain every time that she looked at it, it made her remember the last night that she would ever be close to him, the last time she would ever be embraced by his arms or hear his voice speaking to her. On some level she thought that once she put it away, it would finally be  _ real _ , and Ron would for sure be out of her life (even though she knew that was already the reality) She paused for a second to run her fingers against the silky fabric and sighed before continuing to get ready for the day.

Once out, she quickly got dressed and floo’ed into London and made her way to the ministry. Although sometimes tiring, she really did love her job and she also appreciated the distraction that it offered. She plastered a smile on her face as she made it into the office and was immediately greeted by several of her co-workers. She greeted them back cheerily as she continued straight to her cubicle, sitting down and getting to work.

Hours later she was still at it, reading over a very old law book and writing a proposal to change a current law that pertained to centaurs when she was interrupted by a knock on her cubicle wall. She jumped and let out a little squeak of surprise as she was startled out of her deep concentration.

“I’m sorry! I didn't mean to startle you.” A deep and friendly voice said. 

She turned and saw her coworker Matt smiling at her warmly so she smiled back, still not saying anything.

“I just noticed that you worked right through lunch and I brought you this.” 

He set a wrapped tuna sandwich on her desk in front of her. Her first thought when he did this was Ron, and how he had done the same when she had skipped lunch before. Suddenly feeling sad, she looked at the sandwich blankly for a second before remembering her manners.

“Oh! Thank you Matt. That was very thoughtful.” she smiled gratefully at him.

He beamed. “Actually...that’s not the  _ only _ reason that I came over. I wanted to ask you something...”

She slowly put down her quill and turned all the way around so he could have her full attention. She had a mild idea of what he was about to ask her and she suddenly felt very nervous.

“What is it you wanted to ask?” she questioned him slowly.

“I wanted to ask you if you would accompany me to dinner on Friday night.” he said casually.

Her mouth felt dry at his question because her suspicions had been correct. She had suspected that he had fancied her for a while now, but had purposely tried to ignore the thoughts of it getting to the point that he would ask her out. “As..as a work thing?” she tried weakly.

He laughed lightly. “No Hermione. As a  _ date _ . I want to take you out.” 

She of course hadn't failed to notice that he  _ was _ handsome. He was tall, yet not quite as tall as Ron, his hair was a dirty blonde color and he had an amazing smile. According to office talk, he apparently had just gotten out of a long-term relationship due to distance issues. So far he had been extremely nice to her and he also had helped her learn the ropes around at the office when she had started working there. He was intelligent and charming, and so far she hadn’t been able to find anything wrong with him. She figured that if her heart hadn’t already been taken by a certain ginger-haired man, she would have no hesitations on going on a date with Matt. 

She quickly tried to formulate an answer as he stared at her, waiting patiently for her to speak. Would dating him be a good idea? She was obviously still very much in love with Ron and knew she wouldn't get over him anytime soon, but she also knew that a future with him was impossible, no matter how desperately she may want it. Maybe saying yes would help, maybe a part of her  _ could  _ see herself with Matt.

“I’d love to.” she smiled.

He seemed relieved. “Great! I’ll get your address later and I’ll pick you up at six on Friday!”

“Ok. Thank you.” she said and immediately grimaced.  _ Thank you _ ? Had she really just thanked him? For what? Asking her out? She definitely didn't know how she was going to get through a whole date without saying something awkward or embarrassing. She was an extremely intelligent woman, she knew that, but when it came to men, she majorly lacked experience. The only person that she had ever really been interested in had been someone that she knew literally everything about, there had never been any awkward ‘getting to know you’ formalities.

Matt didn't seem to notice her blunder as he smiled warmly at her before going on his way. She sat back in her chair, knowing that agreeing to go out with him was a good idea, even though she felt the knot in her stomach grow tighter.

o

O

o

For Ron, things were as well as they could be he supposed. Everything at home was pretty much the same, he was coming home to Iz and Max every night, content and pushing any thoughts of Hermione out of his mind. However, he was very aware of all the pitiful looks that Iz was still giving him and knew that she was still feeling guilty, even though she had no right to, it really wasn't her fault.

So far he had stayed true to his word and was staying away from Hermione even though it killed him to do so. A huge chunk of him was completely numb, and although that made him feel like a robot of sorts at times, he would rather feel that than the aching heartbreak that he had felt before. They did work in the same building however so they couldn't 100% avoid each other, but when he would see glimpses of her around, he would immediately turn and go somewhere else, not allowing himself to really get a good look at her. It was easier that way. She would spend time with Harry and his family at separate times as he did, and Harry would alternate days for lunch between them and so far they hadn't managed to mess up their arrangement. 

It was a Friday at noon, and it was his day to spend lunch with Harry. Instead of going out, they had decided to get lunch in the cafeteria and chat about their recent mission. They had been on the same team this time and had caught a couple of people practicing illegal dark magic and they were still on a high from it. They were again going over what had happened when Ron’s eyes lifted up to see Hermione standing in the cafeteria line. There was a man standing directly behind her, and his hand was on the small of her back. The sentence that he had been saying abruptly ended as his breath caught in his throat and he immediately looked away and stared down hard at the table. 

Harry looked confused before turning to see what had caused Ron’s reaction. He saw what Ron had seen and turned back to him, his expression not surprised, but sympathetic.

His mouth opened, “Ron, she-”

“I didn't  _ ask _ you to explain anything, did I Harry? It’s none of my  _ business _ what she does is it? So just don’t.” Ron said sharply.

Harry opened his mouth to reply but must have thought better of it and closed it again.

Unable to stop himself, Ron looked up again just as Hermione and the man started walking around, looking around for a table. Instead of feeling jealous, he felt a pain that reached the deepest part of his soul along with a feeling of helplessness that was not unfamiliar to him. He watched as she laughed at something the man was saying, the same laugh that had always affected him like no one else’s could. He noted that they seemed to be getting along well and seemed pretty familiar with each other. 

To his dismay, they were making their way to the far corner and had to pass right by him and Harry to get there. He sat still, hoping that she wouldn't notice him sitting there, but when she was only a few feet away, her eyes turned and she saw him. He could only watch as she startled, obviously taken by surprise. Her eyes grew wide and her smile fell off of her face as he saw her gulp. The man was still talking to her animatedly and hadn't realized that she had gotten distracted. Their eyes locked for several seconds and he saw her cheeks flare up as she started to walk faster, quickly passing him and then they were out of his sight.

Ron let out the breath that he had been holding. Although he  _ thought _ he had been doing well, seeing her so close, locking eyes with her, it was like the wound that she had caused in him hadn't healed a single bit. He groaned in frustration and heartache, feeling like he was back to square one trying to get over her.

Harry didn't say anything as they sat there in silence, both knowing what the other was thinking about. Ron knew that he should leave it alone, knew that it shouldn't matter to him at all anymore, but what  _ was  _ and what  _ should be _ were two completely different things and he was unable to stop the question from coming out of him.

He sighed wearily. “So she’s seeing someone?”

Harry took a bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly as if to bide himself more time before answering. “For almost a month now, yes.” he paused. “I think he can be really good for her.”

“Is she happy?” he asked, moving the food around on his plate, but not eating it.

“I think…” Harry started slowly, trying to answer the right way “I think she can be... _ will _ be..eventually.”

Ron nodded. “You like him then?”

“I don’t know him very well, but yes, he seems to be a nice bloke.”

Ron nodded again, pushing his half eaten meal away, no longer hungry. “I’m going to get back to work then.”

Harry looked at his watch. “Ron lunch break just started, we have time before we have to-”

“Harry.  _ I need to go. Now _ .” 

He desperately needed to get away, to get as far away from Hermione as possible.

Harry nodded in understanding. “Ok mate. I’ll catch you later. Are you still coming by for dinner tonight? 

“Yeah. Iz sent an owl earlier and she’s going to take Max to visit her parents so it will just be me.”

“Ok, that’s fine. I’ll let Ginny know.”

Ron made it back to his office and started on his paperwork that he was behind on. His mind kept going back to the image of the man’s hand on Hermione’s back and the close way that they had been standing together. He briefly wondered if they were shagging and unwillingly the image of Hermione naked and writhing underneath this guy entered his brain and he roughly threw his quill across the room before putting his face in his hands. Would this  _ ever _ get easier or was he doomed to live like this for the rest of his life? 

o

O

o

Hermione paced in front of her bed, laying several outfits out. Her and Matt had made their relationship official a few weeks ago, both of them agreeing not to see other people after their first few dates had gone exceptionally well. He had told her earlier that morning that he was planning on making her dinner at his place, and although he hadn't  _ quite _ said it, she still had felt the suggestion behind his words. 

She knew that he would never pressure her to do anything that she wasn't comfortable with, but they  _ were _ two adults who were now in a committed relationship and she knew that at some point that they would have to take the next step. So far, they had not done anything more than some heavy snogging at the end of the night. She had never been inside of his house and he had never been inside her apartment, but that would change tonight. 

She had already been nervous when he had mentioned the dinner that morning, but what had happened in the cafeteria had left her head spinning. She had unknowingly walked right next to where Ron was sitting and they had looked at each other for the first time since the ball. In those few seconds, as she had stared into his deep blue eyes, it was as if she had been transported back in time. She had been right back in the middle of battle, her lips pressed to his, and love for him overwhelming every one of her senses. It was a feeling she had never felt before then, had not felt since, and one she  _ craved _ to feel again. She had been unable to concentrate for the remainder of the day, trying to hold herself together. The familiar ache from the loss of him had come back full force with _ just _ one look.

She let out a loud sigh and wiped her eyes. She had to stop doing this. She was ready to take the next step with Matt. She told herself that having sex with her  _ boyfriend _ would help her get over Ron as she put on her nicest bra and knicker set. They weren't exactly ‘sexy’ but they were a deep purple color and girlier than what she usually wore. She then stepped into a navy dress that was also a little sexier than what she would normally wear, hoping she didn't come across as too eager.

She was about to apparate to Matt’s house but paused when she caught sight of her dress still hanging on the bathroom door. Slowly, she walked over and pulled it down before walking it to her closet. She hung it up slowly and reverently before stepping back and closing her closet door.

o

O

o

Dinner had gone great, conversation with him never felt forced and they had talked easily, even having a couple glasses of wine that had helped her relax. Then he had brought out a delicious cheesecake and they had shared a slice, neither of them wanting to get  _ too _ full. 

When they were finished, Matt stood up from the table and held his hand out to her, pulling her up so she was standing and then pulling her body to his as he started to kiss her slowly. He tasted like wine and cheesecake and she allowed herself to get lost in the feeling of it. As the kiss got deeper and he pulled her body closer, she could feel what it was doing to him and her heart started beating faster. She told herself the reason for it doing that was because of lust and not nerves. 

Slowly, they made their way back to the bedroom, barely separating their mouths at all. They made it to the bed and he laid down on it, pulling her on top of him as he started to unzip the back of her dress. When it was all of the way unzipped, he rolled them both over so he was on top of her. He gently peeled the sleeves down, kissing her collarbone and tops of her shoulders. He sat up as she raised her hips and allowed him to pull the dress down her body, fully removing it.

He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and discarded it before leaning down on top of her again. Her bra clasped in the front and Matt popped it open and eagerly started to explore her chest. As he bent down and took her nipple in his mouth, a jolt of pleasure shot through her and she closed her eyes and let out a moan. 

All of a sudden a memory popped into her head. It was 6th year. Ron had recently gotten out of the hospital wing after being poisoned and they were friends again. She had nagged him about homework for the first time in months, and he had smiled so brightly at her that his whole face had lit up.

_ ‘No. Stop it. _ ’ she told herself.  _ ‘Stop thinking of Ron. This is Matt. Matt is the one making you feel like this right now.’ _

She heard Matt pull off his jeans, leaving them both only in their underwear. He was kissing her more passionately than she had ever been kissed before, and she was kissing him back, trying to keep up. 

His hand slipped into her knickers then, and before she could stop it, her mind immediately went back to her time at Shell Cottage, with Ron never leaving her side and being so incredibly gentle and loving towards her. 

Her eyes watered at the memory and she moaned again out of frustration, but Matt must have thought it had been out of pleasure and he pushed a finger into her body, her hips immediately raising off of the bed of their own accord, her throat humming her appreciation.

He started working on her with his fingers as she willed herself to relax and be there in the moment with him. He quickly brought her to release and as his free arm embraced her tightly as she shuddered, she saw herself in  _ Ron’s _ arms, dancing at Bill’s wedding, the image quickly changing to when they had danced at the ministry ball, the way his body fit so perfectly against hers. She shook her head to try and get it out of her mind, her breaths still heavy. 

Matt let go of her then before peeling off her knickers and gently pulling her thighs apart as he removed his own pants before settling in between her legs. She felt him right there, slightly nudging her as he started kissing her deeply again. She took a shuddering breath and when she closed her eyes she heard Ron, screaming her name from the cellar at Malfoy Manor, his voice anchoring her and keeping her from going unconscious. She then saw Ron in the moment right before part of the ceiling was about to fall on her, his face desperate and panicked, his eyes full of pain and fear as if he were about to lose everything that he loved. 

She gasped. “Stop! No!” she cried out.

Matt raised himself onto his arms quickly, looking bewildered. “Wha-what’s wrong?” he sputtered, still halfway in a lust-induced state. 

She couldn't stop the tears that started pouring down the sides of her face. “I’ve never..I’ve never..” her jaw quivered.

His eyes softened. “It’s okay.” he said tenderly. “I’ll be gentle with you Hermione.” 

He bent down to kiss her again but she turned her face away. “I want to go home.” she said in a small voice, her body slightly shaking as she tried to stop herself from fully breaking down.

He let out a loud sigh and leaned back. “Yeah. Of course. Whatever you need.”

She quickly scrambled out from under him and collected her clothing. She could feel him staring at her and she had never felt so humiliated in all of her life. She was quite possibly ruining her chance of being with a good man who was a good match for her. And for  _ what _ ? For  _ Ron? _ She wished that she could just stop loving him as she did but she couldn't. Maybe she never would be able to. The thought made her feel like she was doomed to a life of misery.

Once she was dressed, she turned around to look at Matt. He was sitting up in his bed, the covers now around his waist. He looked slightly hurt, but the main look on his face was concern.

“Are you okay Hermione?” he asked her hesitantly. “You can talk to me, you know. We don’t have to do anything...we can just talk.”

His voice was calm but she could hear the pleading in it. He didn't want her to go. 

“No. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Matt. I screwed everything up.” she cried, wiping the tears from her eyes.

He went to stand up, but thought better of it as he was still naked and sat back down on the bed. “Do you need me to do anything?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head. “Only forgive me for this.”

He furrowed his brows slightly. “There’s nothing  _ to _ forgive Hermione. I’m not going to make you do something that you don't want to do.”

“Th-thank you Matt...I’ll see you soon okay?”

He nodded. “Ok. Goodnight.”

With that, she disapparated straight to her bedroom before falling onto her bed and crying the way she had wanted to before. After a few minutes she was hit with a feeling of loneliness so strong that she knew she needed not to be alone in that moment. Her eyes wandered to the picture on her nightstand. It was a picture of herself, Harry, and Ron on the night that Harry unexpectedly arrived at The Burrow the summer before 6th year. They were on the couch, with her in the middle. Harry had smiled dutifully at the camera, but her and Ron had been talking to each other, too wrapped up in the conversation to realize that their picture was even being taken. She seemed to be speaking a great deal about  _ something _ while Ron listened intively, staring at her with a small smile on his beautiful face, his eyes soft as she had carried on, oblivious to the look he was giving her.

She bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. She knew that the loneliness that she was feeling wasn't just for company, it was for  _ his _ company, and it was also the one thing that she  _ couldn't _ have. 

She figured that if she couldn't have him, then she could have the next best thing. She quickly walked over to her fireplace, and floo’d straight to Grimmauld Place.


	12. Now I'm Sad as Shiz

Disclaimer: This chapter is IMO the saddest one so far and I bawled when I wrote it! I take no responsibility for anyone’s broken heart! 

I’m joking...kind of :)

o

O

o

They had just finished dinner at Grimmauld Place. Ron and Ginny were in the kitchen eating dessert while Harry floo’ed over to Andromeda’s to read a bedtime story to Teddy. Ron, with his now-full stomach mixed with the friendly banter that had occurred between Harry, Ginny, and himself, was in decidedly better spirits than he had been earlier that day. He helped himself to another helping of toffee pudding as Ginny started to magically clean the kitchen. 

“I stand by what I said.” Ginny was saying as she laughed at the incredulous look on Ron’s face. “Mum’s trifle was always better than her crumble.” 

His mouth fell open. “Hell no it wasn’t!  _ Nothing  _ beats Mum’s crumble!” he exclaimed passionately.

Just then there was a faint ‘whoosh’ sound coming from the living room and they both turned their heads towards the sound, their faces confused.

“Harry can’t be back already...” Ginny mused, her eyebrows furrowed. 

Ron raised his eyebrows in an inquisitive manner but smirked at her as he heavily sat back in the chair to finish the rest of his pudding, figuring that Harry had probably just forgotten something and had come back to get it. Ginny rolled her eyes before walking through the door into the living room, the door closing behind her. 

Finishing up his bowl, he set it on the table and sighed before he heard what sounded like muffled sobbing. Standing up, he moved towards the door, a feeling of dread coming over him the closer he got, hoping that he was wrong at what he was hearing, or more accurately,  _ who _ he was hearing. Once he reached the door he quietly opened it and his heart dropped when he realized that his suspicions had been correct. He saw Hermione sitting on the couch, her face in her hands, Ginny’s arm was wrapped around her body as it shook with sobs. Neither of the women looked his way as he leaned against the door frame, his body feeling weak, his good mood instantly gone and replaced by anguish at the picture in front of him. 

Hermione’s hair was a mess, her dress was crumpled, her eyes swollen and red, but she was still the most beautiful person that he had ever seen. Everything in him ached to rush over and hold her, to make whatever was wrong with her better, but he wasn't allowed to do that.  _ Not anymore _ .

“I was a-at Matt's house, he had m-made me dinner.” Hermione started before breaking off into sobs again. 

Ron felt his fists clench at his sides.  _ I swear, if that fucker has done anything to her.... _

“Th-things were going f-fine.” Hermione continued while Ginny rubbed her hand on Hermione’s back affectionately. “He’s been a perfect gentleman Ginny, absolutely  _ wonderful _ to me.” 

Ron’s fist unclenched some as Hermione took a shaky breath before continuing. “We had a nice dinner, conversation was going good, I was slightly tipsy from the wine. We ended up kissing at the table, and then snogging all the way into his bedroom.” 

Ron  _ wanted _ to back away. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle hearing where this was going, but his feet didn't move even as he willed them to. 

“We ended up, um, naked and touching each other.” 

Ron could see her cheeks pinken a bit as he desperately tried not to picture the scene in his head, his knuckles white as he gripped onto the doorframe.

“But we were about to- I mean- he got in between my legs and I..I just  _ couldn't _ . I stopped him and told him that I wanted to leave.” 

Ron felt both sadness and relief at her words, and then instantly felt guilty about being relieved...he had  _ no _ right.

“He was great about it of course. He told me that he didn’t want to pressure me or anything, but I was absolutely  _ mortified.  _ I went straight home, but then I didn't want to be alone and I didn't know what to do so I came here. I’m sorry Ginny, I didn’t know where else to go.” Hermione cried guiltily.

“You're welcome over here  _ anytime _ Hermione, you know that.” Ginny soothed, sounding almost as motherly as Mrs. Weasley. “Don’t  _ ever  _ apologize for needing someone. You are  _ family _ to us, and there's no shame in needing your family.”

Hermione sniffed. “Actually Ginny, I wasn't fully honest b-before. The thing is, I mean the  _ reason _ I couldn't sleep with Matt tonight was because I couldn't...I couldn't stop thinking about Ron.” Hermione wiped her eyes while Ron leaned further into the doorframe letting out a silent sigh, his eyes closing at the feeling of distress that ran through him, his chest physically hurting from her admission.

“I tried to make myself _ be  _ there, in the moment with Matt, but all I could s-see was  _ Ron _ . I thought things were getting easier, but they’re  _ not  _ Ginny. I think they may even be g-getting harder.” 

As she again put her face in her hands with renewed tears, Ron couldn't stomach the possibility that she was feeling the same way that he was feeling. He would rather live the rest of his life under the cruciatus curse than to see her cry the way that she was crying right now. Crying because of  _ him.  _

He had spent _ years _ desperately hoping that she would love him. He had made countless wishes on stars that one day she would be able to see him as he saw her. He had laid in bed almost every night dreaming up ways to make her fall for him, never fully believing that she ever could. But now that she did, he wished he could take it all back. He wished that she  _ didn't _ love him, that she  _ didn't _ want to be with him, because as long as she wanted those things he knew that she would be unsated. As much as he loved  _ her _ , Ron didn't want her to love  _ him _ . If she loved him, then she couldn't move on, and if she couldn't move on, she could never  _ truly _ be happy, and in this moment Ron wanted her to be happy more than he wanted anything else in the world.

He thought about this Matt. From what he had heard Hermione say tonight, he seemed to be a pretty stand-up guy. He remembered what Harry had said earlier about thinking that Hermione would eventually be happy with him, and Ron tried to cling to that. Although the thought of her with another man drove him mad, he knew that her happiness was all that really mattered. She  _ had _ to be ok, because the alternative was  _ not _ something that he would allow to happen, not if he had anything to do with it.

He knew that the first step had already been taken when they had both decided that they could no longer have any sort of relationship with each other. Apart from the brief eye contact earlier that day, they had managed it wonderfully and had avoided each other as they had agreed. But the fact was, even though he was doing his part and purposely staying away from her, he was  _ still  _ managing to hold her back from what she deserved. Love. Love with  _ someone else.  _

What the fuck else could he  _ do _ ? 

She needed to move on. He  _ needed _ her to move on. This needed to end now.

He took a deep breath, and gathering all of the courage he possessed he stepped further into the room, his arms crossed against his chest and his legs slightly splayed as if in battle mode.

“Hermione.” he said as firmly as he could muster, his voice rough and very loud in the quiet room.

He watched as her body jerked at the sound of his voice. Her head snapped up to look at him as she let out a small gasp. “Ron?” she squeaked in barely more than a whisper, her eyes wide and looking at him as if he was a figment of her imagination. 

“You need to move on Hermione.” he said in the same steely tone of voice. “The truth is, I’ve done a lot of soul searching these last couple of months and I’ve come to the conclusion that I was never _ really _ in love with you. I had a childish crush on my best friend that got out of hand, and that’s _ all  _ it was.”

Hermione’s mouth fell open in obvious shock and the look on her face was as if he had just slapped her. He tried not to crumble at the look she was giving him as he continued, knowing that he had to finish what he had started. “When you kissed me during the battle, yeah I kissed you back, but that was only me being a randy teenager who had no idea what the hell he really wanted.” He shrugged. “Honestly it felt no different kissing _ you _ than it had kissing Lavender.” 

Ginny stared hard at him as if she was trying to figure out  _ why _ he was saying what he was saying while Hermione’s eyes went down to stare at her hands on her lap, her bottom lip trembling.

“And then, when I _thought_ that you had died, I guess I just convinced myself that I had been in love with you because of the guilt that I had from not being able to save you. Traumatic response or some shite like that.”

He took a step towards the couch. “It took me  _ so _ long to see it, but I can see it clearly now. I  _ don't _ want you. The only woman that I want is my  _ wife.  _ She’s given me  _ everything _ , what have  _ you _ given me Hermione? _ ”  _ he asked her coolly, his head slightly cocked to the side.

Ginny’s mouth was now open in shock while Hermione again looked up and met his eyes. She hardly even seemed to be breathing as she stared wide-eyed at him, silent tears leaking from her eyes that seemed to be pleading with him to deny what he had said, but he wasn’t done yet as he set his face in a scowl. 

“So  _ go _ .” he ordered. “Go and have sex with your boyfriend. Go and fuck his bloody brains out, just move the _ fuck _ on Hermione because _ I  _ already have.”

“What the  _ hell  _ Ron!” Ginny yelled angrily. 

Hermione’s eyes closed as she stifled back a sob, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. It took  _ every _ ounce of strength that he had to keep up his cold demeanor when all he wanted to do was fall to his knees and apologize and beg for forgiveness for his horrible horrible lies.

“Stop crying like a damn baby.” he scoffed. “I came here to have a nice visit with my sister and my best mate and you just _had_ to come and spoil my night by whining and carrying on like a privileged snob who thinks that she's the only one in the world that has _problems_.” he spat out.

Hermione then let out a pathetic whimper into her hand and stared into his eyes with so much agony that his body started to tremble and he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep the act up for much longer.

With fire in her eyes Ginny hastily stood up, the wand in her hand pointed right at him, her look murderous. Her mouth opened to speak but she was interrupted by a loud ‘crack’ and when both Ron and Ginny looked to the couch, Hermione was gone.

When Ginny turned back to look at Ron with an incredulous look on her face, he was no longer able to pretend. He let out a choked cry, his body collapsing in the chair beside him as his body started wracking with loud, hard sobs. His hands came up to grip the sides of his head in disbelief, his head shaking back and forth over and over as if he did that then the last few minutes hadn't happened at all.

Her anger apparently gone, Ginny immediately re-pocketed her wand and rushed towards him, sitting on the chair arm and pulling his body sideways to hers in a tight hug. He had the urge to run to the bathroom and vomit, but he managed to fight it down.

“I-I had t-to.” he sputtered, unable to stop crying and in complete shock at what he had just done.

“Oh Ron. I’m sorry.” Ginny said sadly. “I’m so sorry.”

“What...what the  _ hell _ did I just do Gin?” he gasped. “What did I just fucking  _ do _ ?”

She slowly shook her head. “Maybe...maybe this is for the best Ron.” but her voice was uncertain and Ron knew she was just trying to make him feel better.

He put his face in his hands and spoke through his fingers. “Did I do the right thing Gin? Because it felt s-so fucking  _ wrong. _ ”

“I...I don't know.” she replied truthfully. “I really don’t think there's a  _ right _ way to do things in this situation Ron, it’s just awful all the way around.”

“ _ Ohgod _ .” he moaned. “I can’t let her go like that, not like  _ that _ .” he shook his head, wiping furiously at his eyes.

Ginny squeezed him harder. “No Ron. If you tried to talk to her now I think it would only make things worse. Besides, I honestly don’t see her forgiving you for that anytime soon. That was...harsh.”

He raised his voice, feeling self hatred bubbling up inside of him. “ _ Harsh _ ? It was fucking _ evil _ is what it was Ginny! I was a right  _ bastard  _ to her!” 

She didn’t respond, but she slowly got up and walked towards the kitchen door. “Don't go anywhere.” she warned him sternly before going through it.

At that moment the fireplace roared green and Harry stepped out dusting off his robes. “Sorry it took so long. He wanted me to read a long book that was...” he trailed off when he got a good look at Ron.

“What’s going _ on _ ?” Harry asked, his face etched with concern.

Ron just shook his head and looked down at the carpet unable to recount what had just happened out loud.

Ginny walked into the room then carrying a bottle of firewhiskey and a large shot glass. Ron didn't miss the look that Harry shot Ginny as she set them both down on the coffee table. Ron quickly filled the shot glass before downing it in one gulp, immediately filling it and taking another.

“Ron, mate, slow down.” Harry said cautiously as Ron gulped down his third shot, welcoming the burning in his throat and hoping to overshadow the pain in his chest.

Ron ignored Harry and kept going and after he poured his fifth shot, Harry finally grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey from him and briskly walked with it into the kitchen. When he came out, the firewhiskey was gone and he had an angry look on his face as he stared down at now quite-pissed best friend.

“Bloody Harry Potter, always so serious.” Ron said, slumping back into the couch cushions. “Why don't you get that stick outta yer ass and have some for yourself?” he slurred.

Harry clenched his fists, ignoring Ron and turning to Ginny. “What the hell  _ happened _ ?” he asked her.

“Hermione popped by!” Ron cut in before Ginny could answer. “She couldn’t fuck her boyfriend so I made‘er  _ hate _ me!” he said in an enthusiastic voice.

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What..?”

“I’ll explain it to you once Ron leaves.” Ginny cut in, gently stroking Harry’s arm. “And you may not agree, but I think that Ron needed a drink after tonight.”

“A drink? What I  _ deserve  _ is a life full’ve misery!” Ron stated, flailing his arms in the air. “For being a motherfuckin’  _ arsehole.” _

“Maybe...maybe you should just stay the night here Ron.” said Ginny cautiously. “I can send Iz a message via floo to let her know that you’re alrigh-”

“I’M NOT FUCKING ALRIGHT!” Ron roared, standing up and hurling the shot glass across the room where it crashed into the brick fireplace and shattered. “I HAVEN'T BEEN  _ ALRIGHT _ SINCE THE FUCKING WAR!” 

Both Harry and Ginny stared at him with shocked yet sympathetic faces. They knew that what he said was true, Ron hadn't been  _ truly  _ alright. Not in a long time.

Ron took a shaky breath and lowered his voice as he started pacing in front of the couch, his admission having sobered him somewhat. “I have a wonderful wife, an amazing son, I should be  _ happy _ .” 

He let out a frustrated groan. “And I  _ was _ . I mean, I was  _ content _ . I had finally  _ accepted  _ that Hermione was dead. Of course I  _ hated _ it, and part of me was  _ broken, _ but I was coming to  _ terms _ with it.” 

He stumbled a bit over his feet but caught himself on the edge of the couch before continuing his pacing. “But  _ then _ , all of a sudden- BAM! Hermione is  _ alive _ ! And you would  _ think _ that I’d be fucking  _ estatic _ about it, and don’t get me wrong, I  _ am  _ but-but now I’m also so damn miserable _ because  _ she’s alive.”

He stopped pacing, his hands hanging at his sides as he stared at the floor. “I’m more miserable _ now  _ that she's here than I was when she wasn't,” he said quietly.

Harry and Ginny looked at each other, but didn't say anything.

Ron looked up at them. “I mean, what kind of  _ twisted  _ bastard am I? To have  _ that _ fucking thought? I’m a  _ selfish _ piece of shite because she’s  _ alive _ and I’m...I’m not  _ happy.” _ His chest heaved and his eyes watered at his confession. 

He had been pushing the thought down ever since she had come back, but it had finally come out and for the first time even he had fully acknowledged it. Now that it was out in the open not only to himself but also to Harry and Ginny, he felt the anger and shame of it overwhelming.

Ginny looked horror-stricken at her brother before she slowly turned to speak to Harry.“I’m...I’m going to floo to Hermione’s to make sure she’s okay.”

Ron watched as Harry nodded at her, but his eyes didn’t leave Ron’s. With that, Ginny was gone, leaving Harry and Ron alone in silence.

“That was...that was really  _ heavy _ mate.” Harry shook his head as he walked over and sat on the couch, staring straight ahead deep in thought. 

Ron tentatively sat down next to Harry on the couch. “I know. I’m a- I’m a  _ horrible _ person.”

Harry didn’t say anything for several long seconds. “Ron. I’ve known you for a  _ very _ long time. You were my first friend I ever had, and you are  _ still _ my best friend. I know you, and you are  _ not _ a horrible person.”

“But I-”

“Ron. If you could choose, would you want Hermione to be dead or alive?”

“Alive!” Ron answered instantly. “I-I don't  _ want _ her to be dead Harry.” he replied, horrified that Harry even had asked him that.

“Well there’s your answer.” Harry stated. “Although you are miserable by the fact that you cannot have her, you don’t want her  _ gone. _ I know that you just want the best for her Ron _.  _ You are  _ not _ a horrible person.”

Ron nodded his head, but he didn't believe Harry. Especially after what he had done tonight.

o

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Hermione once again apparated straight to her bedroom. She laid on her bed on top of the covers and held herself as she sobbed. She couldn't stop hearing Ron’s words run through her head over and over, even as she willed herself to think of something else. 

About ten minutes or so later, she heard the whoosh of the fireplace and instinctively she tightened her arms further around herself. She heard quick footsteps before her bedroom door was flung open, revealing Ginny who let out a breath of relief when she spotted her.

“Hermione, I’m _ so _ sorry-”

“You didn't do anything Gin.” Hermione mumbled, still sniffling.

“What Ron said, it was out of line-”

“Did he mean it?” Hermione interrupted. She already knew the answer, but she wanted to know if Ginny would tell her the truth.

Ginny looked away guiltily. “Hermione, Ron is...Ron’s not in a very good place right now.”

Hermione sat up slowly. “I  _ know _ your brother Ginny, and as convincing as his act was tonight, I know he didn’t mean those things that he said.” she sighed. “But that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt like  _ hell _ when he said them though.” she added quietly. 

It was true, Ron might as well have stabbed her heart with a sword with how deep that his words had cut into her. She watched as Ginny let out a huff of air, obviously feeling better about not having to lie. “He’s really upset Hermione. I’ve never...I’ve never seen him like this. I’m actually scared for him.”

Hermione could only imagine how Ron must be feeling, and she put aside her own anger for a moment to think about him. “Is Harry with him now?” she asked.

“Yes. I think Harry can calm him down, he always has.”

Hermione nodded and closed her eyes. “Let him think that I believe him Gin. It will give him the incentive to keep staying away from me...it will give me the incentive to keep staying away from  _ him _ .”

Ginny’s eyes watered as she put her hand on Hermione’s shoulder. “I  _ hate _ this Hermione. You two belong together.”

“No.” Hermione shook her head. “He belongs with Iz. I belong...I’ll figure out where I belong someday.” she sniffed as she sat up. “Go on home Ginny. I want to be alone now.”

“Are you sure?” Ginny said hesitantly. “I can stay for as long as you need me to.”

“I'm sure. Go be there for Ron. I’ll be okay.”

Ginny gave her a small hug before she stood up and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Once Hermione heard the whoosh of the fireplace, she went into her bathroom and splashed some water on her face and studied herself in the mirror. 

Regardless of  _ why  _ Ron had said what he had said, she couldn't deny that she was angry. The things that he had said to her, the  _ way  _ that he had talked to her...it was almost unforgivable, and tonight Ron had almost broken her. 

Even though she knew that he had been lying through his teeth and that desperation for her to move on had been the reason for them, his harsh words had shifted something inside of her. Maybe if she convinced herself that what he had said was true and  _ really _ how he felt about her, she would be able to finally forget about him.

But as cruel as Ron’s words had been, he had been right about some things, she  _ did _ need to move on. She was very aware that they could never be together so she would have to move past this..move past  _ him _ . She needed to do so for her sanity and for any shot of peace in her life.

She knew what the first step to moving on was, and it just so happened to be another piece Ron’s advice.

She straightened her hair and dress up as best as she could before floo’ing back over to Matt’s house. It was late and the house was dark as she quietly crept to his bedroom. He was sound asleep, the sheets tangled around his waist but it looked as if he hadn't moved much since she had left. She quietly removed all of her clothing and crawled under the covers with him. The movement woke him up and his eyes opened and showed confusion as he tried to make her out in the dark room.

“Hermione?” he asked, still half asleep.

“I’m sorry for earlier.” she said quickly. “And I’m ready now, if you’ll have me.”

“ _ What?”  _ he sat up, now wide awake. “Are you  _ sure _ ?” he asked cautiously.

“I’m positive. I want you.” she stated as she leaned in to kiss him, threading her fingers through his hair.

They started off slow as they had before. She could feel his hesitation at first, as if he was making sure that it was what she really wanted before he let himself really get into it. 

This time, when he positioned himself in between her legs she lifted her hips in encouragement. As he slowly and slightly painfully entered her, she still heard Ron’s cruel words echoing in her head and she forced herself to harden her heart against him.


	13. Seperate

Just a few words. Yes, this story is angsty af & I know that! Fortunately the chapter before this one will be the worst that it’s going to get, I assure you. Sometimes, my stories are really heavy. I’m not quite sure why, but it may be a form of venting for me as I am really a very optimistic and positive person! But I always promise a happy ending so bear with me :)

As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you think!

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It was really late by the time that Ron had assured Harry and Ginny for the final time that he was okay before floo’ing back to his house. As if the night hadn't been awful enough, he suddenly realized that he hadn't put Max to bed and wondered if Max had been upset by him not being there. As he stumbled out of the fireplace in sheer exhaustion he wanted nothing more than to lay down in bed and go right to sleep but unfortunately it was not meant to be because as soon as he stepped out of the fireplace, Iz stood up from the couch. She was wearing pyjamas and looked exhausted and it was very clear that she had been up waiting on him.

“Where have you been?” she asked, studying his face intensely, obviously looking for something.

He groaned. “Iz, I’ve had a real shite night, and I don't want to have this conversation right now.”

“Well too bad, because we are having it.” she said calmly. 

“Ok.” he said as he tried not to get annoyed, running his hand down the front of his face. “I was at Harry and Ginny’s, but you already knew that.” he sighed exhaustively. 

“It’s three in the morning Ron! You weren't...you weren't with Hermione?”

He furrowed his brows. “ _ What _ ?” He seethed, suddenly angry at the mention of Hermione. “Have you been waiting up for me just so you could accuse me of  _ cheating _ on you?!”

She didn’t respond, but the look that she gave him confirmed what he had just asked. 

“Really Iz? I can’t..I can’t  _ believe _ this. Have I given you  _ any _ reason to belie-”

“You don't have to.” she said quietly. “I’ve come to realize that the thought will always be in the back of my mind as long as I'm married to you. Just like at the ball-”

“I...I..” he sputtered. “We  _ danced _ . As  _ friends _ .” he clarified. “And yes, I almost kissed her that night, I will not lie to you Iz. But that night-the night of the ball, we both agreed not to see each other again, as friends or otherwise, and you  _ know _ that!”

He watched her take a deep shaky breath as she ran her fingers through her hair, mumbling more to herself than to him. “I  _ knew _ it. I knew as soon as I learned that she was alive, that this marriage was doomed.”

“This marriage is  _ not _ doomed.” he cut in sharply. “I pushed her away. Tonight I pushed her so far away that there is no chance that she will-”

Her eyes opened wide. “So you lied? You  _ were _ with her?”

“No I-I was at Harry and Ginny’s and she showed up-”

Iz looked down at the floor, shaking her head. “Ron…”

He ignored her as he went on. “I said-I said some  _ awful _ things to her Iz, I tried to get her to hate me. It’s never going to happen between me and her, so I-I had to do it.”

Her voice softened. “I’m sorry that you felt like you had to do that Ron.”

“Are you?” he asked, meeting her gaze. 

She didn't answer his question. “I was prepared to fight for this marriage as you had asked me to. Not even for  _ me _ , but for Max.”

“You don’t  _ have  _ to fight for this marriage. I have already told you that I’m not leaving!” he yelled, frustrated.

Her eyes widened as she stepped back some and he suddenly felt awful as he had never yelled at her before. He opened his mouth to apologize but she started to speak first.

“But  _ why  _ aren't you leaving Ron? Your sense of  _ duty _ ? Admit that being married to me is a chore now. It worked well when Hermione was not around, because we were the same then, we comforted each other. But now? Now I’m just extra baggage that you don’t want anymore because I’m keeping you from who you  _ really _ want.”

As if he didn't feel shitty enough after the stress of the night, her words were like salt in an open wound. “What do you want me to _say_?” he almost moaned. “What do you want me to _do?_ Bloody hell Iz, I’m _trying_ , I swear to Merlin I am.” 

She gave him a small smile. “I know you are Ron. But that’s not the problem. When you’re here-” she pointed to her head “You aren't here.” she gestured to the room. “You have been distant for months, acting like a-like a shell of a person. You are still all in when it comes to Max, and Ron I’m  _ so  _ grateful for that, he loves you so much.”

“I love him too.” he whispered.

She nodded her head. “I know you do Ron, you’re an amazing father and I know you would never put Max on the back burner, but then there's me-”

“I see you every single  _ day _ Iz.” he cut in. “I come home, I tell you how my day went while you tell me about yours. We don't fight, we are there for each other-”

“There for each other?” she cut in.“Every conversation between us is superficial now. Like I just stated Ron, you are mainly inside your own head lately and there's no way that I can  _ be _ there for you, because you're not even  _ here _ .”

She gave him an accusing look as he crossed his arms and looked away from her while she went on. 

“We’re like- playing pretend  _ house _ or something Ron, I’m so lonely and you don't even notice it. You haven't even  _ touched _ me in months.”

Ron’s head snapped up to meet her gaze as he scoffed, “That’s not true! I…” he trailed off as he thought about it. She was right, he hadn't been intimate with her in a while.

She shook her head. “It’s not working Ron. Not anymore.”

He couldn't help his eyes from watering up at the implications of her words. “What? No!” he croaked. “I don't want to lose you _ too _ Iz.”

She stared at him, determined. “I’m going to move in with my sister. We’ve really patched things up recently and-”

“No!” he yelled. “We can move past this, it will get better, I swear. I’ll try harder, I’ll-” 

She shook her head. “No it won’t Ron. I let you stop me before, but you're not talking me out of it this time, I’ve already made up my mind.

He stared at her in shock before letting out a groan of frustration, his hands coming up to the sides of his face. “I fuck everything up! In one _night_ I’m losing almost everything that I care about.”

She gave him a small sad smile. “You're not  _ losing _ me Ron, I'll still be there for you whenever you may need me and I'm sure you'll do the same for me.”

He didn't respond to her, just shook his head slowly.

“Ron don’t you see?” she said gently. “With me gone, you are free to be with Hermione.”

“Oh am I?” he snarled “What kind of fucking fairy tale life do you think that this is? You think that if I just run to Hermione and tell her that my wife _ left _ me that she’d welcome me with open arms?” he snorted. “No. She’d think that I was _ pathetic _ . She’d actually probably blame _ herself  _ for ending my marriage and then she’d think that I was a coward for not fighting for it-”

“I could talk to her if you wante-”

“NO!” he yelled. “Even if by  _ some  _ miracle she accepted what we both had to say, she  _ has _ a boyfriend  _ and _ I royally fucked up any chances to be with her earlier.” he sighed and stepped forward. “So if you  _ left _ me Iz, I wouldn't  _ have  _ Hermione, I wouldn't have  _ you _ . I’d be alone. Alone and even more miserable than I am now.”

“I’m not leaving just for you Ron.” she said quietly, her eyes welling up. “That love, that love that you have for Hermione, that love that I had for Cam, that I was starting to have for Derek. I want  _ that  _ love Ron. I want to feel that way again.” she was crying now, her voice pleading with him. “I love you Ron, you know that I do but that’s not the kind of love that I crave, that I need. I’ve  _ tried _ to love you in that way but I never was able to. Maybe there’s somebody out there for me, Ron. Someone who I can love the way that I loved Cam, someone who will love  _ me  _ the way you love Hermione.”

Ron closed his eyes. He felt like the life that he had built over these last few years was slipping away like sand through his fingers and he had no control over anything anymore. His voice came out unsteadily, “I  _ want _ you to have that Iz, I do, but-”

“Then let me  _ go _ Ron. This is my choice to make but I need you to support me.” 

He slowly met her gaze and finally gave her a small nod. “Ok.” he almost whispered. “If you're sure that this is what you want, I’ll support you.”

She ran to him and he pulled her tightly in his arms as she embraced him just as fiercely.

“I love you too, you know?” he told her, his face in her hair. “And I will support you. But I can’t-I can’t lose Max. I can’t come home every day and not have him waiting for me Iz, I  _ can't _ .” 

“I would never keep him away from you Ron, you know I wouldn’t. So during the week maybe you can floo to Sophie’s and pick him up? Then you can either bring him back right before bed, or you could drop him off in the morning. Whatever you want, we can fix all of the finer details later but I know that you need him just as much as he needs you.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you Iz. And you're not going anywhere.” he told her. “I’ll move out and get a flat. We got this house to raise Max in and I don't want him uprooted. Stay here.” 

“I can't afford this house by myself Ron. I don't make enough yet, I’m still mainly training.”

He shrugged. “Pay the electricity and water, I’ll cover the mortgage, don't worry about it.”

She seemed hesitant. “Are you sure about that? I don't want you to feel that you have to do that and I don't want to take the house away from you.”

He shook his head. “I’m sure. I want Max  _ here _ , so please stay.”

o

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*Two Weeks Later*

Ron stood in his new flat looking around. He had spent the entire weekend moving all of his belongings from the house and moving the new furniture that he had bought for the flat as well. It was pretty bare, and didn't look too ‘homey’ but he supposed that that was to be expected. 

It was pretty nice, and it had two bedrooms as he wanted Max to have his own space for when he was there. So far both Iz and himself had been very attentive to Max with everything going on. They were trying to show him that while things might have changed, both of his parents were still one hundred percent committed to him. Ron knew that Max was still young, and wouldn't really understand the word divorce, but he still worried about it. Ron had felt better when Iz had reminded him that Max was only a floo-away, and Ron could see him every day and still put him to bed every night.

Iz had already told her family of their separation and at first they hadn't been supportive of the idea (no surprise there) Ron had been proud of the way that she had stood up to her parents when they had immediately gotten upset with her. At first, her dad had wanted to put all of the blame on Ron but Iz had cut in and adamantly told him that the divorce had been her idea. She had then stated that if they loved her at all then they would respect her choice because it was what  _ she _ wanted. Eventually they had begrudgingly accepted everything and promised to support her decisions.

Although Ron had now come to terms with it and wanted to step back and give Iz what she wanted, he hadn't allowed himself to stop and think about what being divorced would mean for  _ him. _

He still hadn't told Harry or his family about his impending divorce and wasn't exactly sure when he would. He had begged Iz not to tell them either and she had reluctantly agreed although she didn't understand why he wanted to keep it a secret. He supposed a part of the reason was because he felt like he had failed and that his plan to marry Iz and make things  _ right _ had only come to naught in the end. 

All of his life, but  _ especially _ in his adult life he had been hard on himself. He had strived for the best and had been afraid of failure. Despite all of the shite that he had been through with losing Hermione (twice now he reminded himself) he had always wanted to prove to his family that he was capable and that he would always try to do the right thing. He felt that if he told all of them that he and Iz were separating, that they would feel like he was no longer in control of his life and he would feel ashamed by that fact.

He didn't know  _ anyone  _ in his family who had gotten divorced and he felt incredibly embarrassed that he would be the first. He also despised the thought of the pitying words and looks that he was sure to get by them all, as if he were weak because he had been unable to keep the family that he had worked so hard to take care of these last few years.

And then there was Hermione. He had tried hard not to think of her too much these last two weeks, but as usual she was never far from his thoughts. He was still so angry at himself for what he had said to her, and the way that she looked at him haunted him every night when he closed his eyes. Regret wasn't even a big enough word for how he felt and he longed to rush to her and tell her the truth but he held himself back, knowing that she had been too hurt by him and probably wouldn't give him the time of day even if he  _ did _ muster up the courage to go to her. 

Last Sunday when he had been at the burrow he had sneakily gone through Ginny’s address book in her wallet when she had left it on the table and had written Hermione’s address on his arm before putting the book back and pulling his sleeve down. Now he knew  _ where _ to go, now he just needed to figure out  _ when. _

Just then, Max walked out of the kitchen with his sippy cup, yawning and rubbing his eyes. So far, the tot had enjoyed the change of scenery and had loved having two whole rooms all for himself between both places. 

“Hey Max. You ready for bed bud?” Ron asked, bending down and getting eye level with his son.

“No.” Man answered sternly, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at his dad.

Ron managed to stifle his grin as he dramatically checked his watch. “Well, it’s eight o’clock and your mum is expecting me to bring you back home and put you to bed right about now.”

Max stared hard at Ron, contemplating. “ _ You  _ put me in bed?” he asked.

“Of course I will. Here, let me tell you a secret.” Ron leaned in towards the boy.

Max’s eyes lit up with the promise of a secret and leaned in as well.

“I may be an auror, but putting you to bed every night is my  _ favorite _ job.” he whispered as Max immediately started giggling as Ron tickled him. 

o

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Ron jolted up in bed the next morning with a loud scream. He had been right back in the Great Hall, with the ceiling about to fall on Hermione. He had had the nightmare many times these last few years of course, but they had lessened considerably as time had gone on and he hadn't even _ had _ one since Hermione had been back. He ran his hands through his hair as he worked on fully waking up and controlling his breathing, assuring himself that it had just been a dream.

He was quickly overcome by a feeling of urgency. He  _ had _ to talk to her, damn the consequences. He at least had to let her know that he was incredibly sorry for what he had said, and also let her know that he was hers if she would have him. A small glimmer of hope started growing in him as he hastily threw clothes on.

Not ten minutes later, he was standing in front of her apartment building, looking up. It was about nine in the morning as he read her apartment number on the paper in his hands before making his way towards the stairs. He grumbled, of  _ course _ she would be on the top floor. He ran the whole way up and when he made it to her door he paused, making sure that his hair wasn't a crazy mess and casting a freshening charm on himself in case he had sweated on the way up.

Before he could lose his courage he lifted his hand and gave the door several sharp knocks. It was about ten seconds after he had knocked that he heard giggling from the other side of the door that was getting closer. He realized that there was another voice in there as well, a deep laugh, a man’s laugh. 

Ron suddenly panicked. What was he doing showing up to her place unannounced? What the hell had he been  _ thinking _ ? He didn't belong there after what he had done,  _ especially _ if Matt was there with her and she was happy with him. 

Knowing that he couldn't escape, he thought about apparating away but his curiosity won and he stepped back a few steps before casting a disillusionment spell on himself so he wouldn't be seen. 

Only a second later the door opened and Hermione’s smiling face appeared before him. She was wearing a small red robe, her smile immediately dropping when she saw that no one was there. She leaned out of the door and looked around warily.

As it had many times since she had been back, the sight of her so beautiful and so  _ alive  _ took his breath away.

“Who is it?” Ron heard Matt ask Hermione as he stepped directly behind her, grabbing her waist and pulling her back into his body and kissing the side of her head as she let out a laugh. He was only wearing a pair of gym shorts and it was clear that he had been there for a while and had probably spent the night with her.

Ron’s stomach churned.

He watched as Hermione stepped away from him again, still looking around perplexed, trying to figure out who had knocked on her door.

“Don't worry about it Hermione. It was probably a prank.” Matt told her, still attempting to pull her back into the apartment and now kissing on her neck. 

Ron wanted to punch him.

Hermione turned her head back to him. “Yeah, probably.” she said, but Ron knew her too well and knew that she wasn't so easily convinced. Ron held his breath as she looked around one last time before slipping back into the apartment and closing the door behind her.

Ron let out a breath before apparating back to his own flat where he flopped down on his new couch. He put his hands over his face and sighed loudly. 

He had told her to move on and she had listened. He had no one but himself to blame.


	14. Conversations

Not a lot happening here in this chapter, just a few conversations, but ones that needed to happen soooo here you go! :)

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Ron sat at the cafe and checked his watch, his knee bouncing nervously under the table. He looked up as the bell sounded and smiled as he watched Iz come through the door, closely followed by a dark skinned man with curly brown hair. 

It had been just over three months since he had moved into his flat, and so far co-parenting with Iz had been going very well. Ron figured that things were as good as they could possibly be when it came to living separately from his son. 

Last night when Ron had gone back to the house to drop Max off and put him to bed, Iz had nervously told him that they needed to have a talk. Ron of course had been curious and after Max was asleep, they had gone into the living room where she had sat across from him. Iz had then officially let him know that she and Derek were seeing each other again and although surprised, Ron was genuinely happy for her. He had listened quietly as she had explained that she had waited until she knew for sure that things were going to be serious with Derek before she told him and he had understood.

She had gone on to explain that only a couple of weeks after the divorce had been finalized, Derek had gotten a job transfer back to London and had quickly contacted Iz to see how she was doing. The two hadn't spoken since their split and he had wanted to know how she was because although things had ended badly between them, Derek had never quite gotten over her. When they had met up she had come clean to him about why she had ended things and had explained everything to him about the pregnancy and her marriage to Ron, leaving nothing out. Apparently he had been shocked at first, but it hadn't deterred his feelings for her and they had been together since. 

When Iz had told Ron all of this, his first thought had been that he wanted to meet the other man that would now be a part of Max’s life and had expressed this. Iz had told him that there was also something important that she and Derek wanted to discuss with him as soon as possible, so they had planned to meet for a quick lunch while Ron was on his lunch break the next afternoon.

“Here it goes.” he muttered under his breath as he stood up to motion to the couple to make their way to the table.

Iz smiled as she walked into his arms and he squeezed her and gave her a kiss on the side of the head while the other man stood closely behind her, a nervous look on his face.

When Iz stepped away, Ron held his hand out to him, “Ron. Nice to finally meet you.”

Derek took his hand in a firm grip, smiling gratefully. “Derek. Nice to meet you too.”

They all sat down at the table, Ron and Derek awkwardly smiling, both obviously uncomfortable and not knowing where to start with the conversation.

Ron watched as Derek sat forward and folded his hands on the table before clearing his throat. “First thing that I wanted to say to you is, although I do plan on being a part of Max’s life from now on, I’m  _ not _ a replacement for you by any means. Iz here means the world to me, and by extension, so does Max, but that doesn't mean that I’m taking your place. I just needed you to know that’s not my intention.”

Ron felt relief run through him. He couldn't help but have been thinking since his divorce how things would go between him and any man that Iz ended up with in relation to Max. He couldn't deny that the thought of sharing Max with another father figure bothered him a great deal. He figured that it was just one of those things that you ended up getting used to, but the fact that Derek had outright come out with his concerns like that made him feel a lot better.

“Thank you for that.” he lightly chuckled, still feeling a bit awkward. “I really needed to hear that.”

Iz beamed at both of them and Ron held back from laughing at her giddiness as she started to speak. “The other thing that we wanted to discuss Ron, is the house.” Iz said.

Ron furrowed his brows in confusion. “The house? What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, Derek’s been with his parents since he moved back while looking for a flat but…”

“And you want my permission for him to move in.” Ron finished the thought.

“Well technically, the house is in your name so-”

“I would take over the payments of course, and maybe get it transferred in my name eventually,  _ only _ if you don't mind of course.” Derek cut in, taking Iz’s hand on the table.

Ron sat back, contemplating. He thought about the house that he and Iz had chosen together, the house that they had brought Max home in, the house that he had lived in for several years and had countless memories across every square inch. He was surprised at how okay he felt at the prospect of not being attached to it anymore, as if it never had been meant for him in the first place. “Yeah mate, that’s fine.” he finally said. “Actually takes a load off of my shoulders.”

He watched as Derek and Iz squeezed their hands tight and smiled at each other while he shook his head and smiled at the obviously love-sick couple. He then felt a pang of sadness ripple through him and his smile suddenly dropped from his face as he looked down, trying to hide it.

Iz noticed what had happened though and looked at him sadly. Ron watched as she leaned over to Derek and whispered something in his ear and he promptly stood up, extending his hand again to Ron.

“It was really nice to meet you Ron. I’m so glad that we finally got to talk, and thank you for being such a great friend to Isabelle.”

Ron smiled and took his hand, “Of course. Thank _ you _ .”

As Derek turned around and walked away, Iz immediately rounded on him. 

“ _ Still _ ?” she asked incredulously.

He only shrugged his shoulders and looked down at the table. “I’m telling my family this weekend.” he paused. “Especially now that Max might be mentioning something about another man kissing his mummy.” he chuckled.

Iz didn't seem to think that his joke was funny and she let out a sigh. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of Ron.” she said quietly

“I know.” he said quickly, squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

“And I’m assuming that you haven't told Hermione either.”

“I don't  _ talk _ to Hermione, so no, she doesn't know.”

“And you don't think that you  _ should _ ?”

“She’s happy with someone else Iz. It’s not going to happen. I refuse to put her through any more than I’ve already put her through, no matter _how_ I might feel about her.”

He watched her purse her lips, but knew that she wasn't going to push him any further at the moment, she had always been good about knowing when to stop the conversation with him.

She sat back, a sad look on her face. "Maybe one day  _ you _ can move on too Ron, if not with Hermione, then someone else."

He let out a short laugh "Iz, as far as I'm concerned, I was _ married _ to the most amazing woman in the world, and I  _ still _ wasn't able to get over Hermione Granger. If  _ you _ couldn't make me move on, no shot in hell is anyone else."

She gave him a tight lipped smile. "As depressing as that statement was, I'll try and take that as a compliment." 

He managed a small laugh. "Good. Because it is one."

o

O

o

Ron was back at work, his thoughts on selling the house to Derek, and all that it would entail as he made his way to the break room for a cup of coffee before returning to his office. There were a few other people there sitting at the tables and talking quietly amongst themselves. Right after he poured himself a cup, he turned around to see Harry rush in, his face looking relieved when he spied Ron, then instantly turning anxious as he hurried towards him.

“Ron, we need to talk.” he whispered to him as they made their way to the table. “Let’s go somewhere more private.”

Ron sat down, looking around. “No one is sitting here, just tell me quietly, it’s fine.”

Harry didn't seem too sure but sat down anyway, leaning in close. “Ron, I saw something-something  _ not _ good.” 

Ron raised his eyebrows. “What did you see?”

“I was out for lunch today and I-” he stopped and stared at the table, seemingly thinking on how to word the rest of his sentence.

“Go on.” whispered Ron, who was now worried.

“I saw Iz walk into a shop and she was…”

Ron suddenly realized what it was that Harry had seen. “With another man. I know.” he finished.

Harry’s eyes widened. “You  _ know _ ?”

He sighed. “She's not cheating on me, we’re uh, we’re separated now. Divorced actually.”

“What?!” said Harry loudly, eliciting a few stares from surrounding people.

Ron grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him a few feet towards the wall. He opened the door to the walk-in pantry and shoved him inside before following and closing and locking the door behind them. Harry immediately spun around, staring at him expectantly, his arms crossed and his face agitated.

“Okay.” Ron released a breath. “Iz left me, but not for Derek if that’s what you were thinking, she never cheated on me.” he clarified.

Harry didn't seem able to form a coherent sentence.“Well-When?  _ Why _ ?”

Ron rolled his eyes. “ Well, a lot of things actually, but you can probably take a guess at the number one reason.”

Harry nodded his head in understanding. “Ok. Uhm...blimey. How are you?”

“I’ve actually been okay. Co-parenting has been going well, I still get to see Max and put him to bed every night. I have my own flat which is nice, and-”

“Wait, flat?  _ When _ did she leave you?” Harry asked incredulously.

Ron scratched his chin, embarrassed to answer. “Uhm. About three months ago.”

“Three  _ months _ ?” Harry hissed, while Ron shushed him.

“Why have you been keeping this a secret? Does this have anything to do with Hermione finding out? She doesn't know does she?”

Ron shifted his feet, uncomfortable. “No, she doesn't know. But I’m not keeping it a secret  _ because _ of her.”

Harry gave him a face that showed him that he didn't believe him in the slightest. “Why don't you want her to know?”

“I- I don't _ know _ Harry. She has a boyfriend and they’re happy and I don't...I don't want to mess with her life. I've already put her through too much already.”

“She deserves to know Ron.” Harry said sternly.

“Why? We aren't friends anymore, she doesn't need to know anything about my personal life.” he shot back before giving Harry a pointed look. “And  _ you  _ better not tell her either,” he said sharply. “I mean it. I fucked it up with her Harry. She didn't deserve what I did, and after that I don't deserve her.”

Harry sighed. “You're wrong. And I think you're making a damn big mistake.”

“If so, it’s my mistake to make then.” he replied, feeling done with the conversation.

“Ron, just explain it to her and-”

“How about I explain it to her  _ and _ her boyfriend at the same time? That will be fun.” he said with fake enthusiasm.

Harry groaned. “Stop being so fucking  _ sarcastic _ .” he said before pausing. “She loves you Ron, I know she does.” he said softly.

Ron scoffed. “Has she said  _ anything _ about me lately?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Well, no but-” Harry started.

“And she seems to be happy with Matt?” he asked.

“Yes, but-”

“But  _ nothing  _ Harry. Maybe she  _ did  _ love me, but not anymore.”

“You can’t _ know _ for sure unless you talk to her.” Harry said firmly.

Ron just shook his head. “I’m telling the whole family about the divorce this weekend. Please don't say anything to  _ anybody _ in the meantime.” he said dejectedly before turning around and walking out of the door.

Harry sighed before following him out, neither of them noticing the skinny man that had been standing stock-still in the corner of the dimly-lit pantry.

o

O

o

Hermione was sitting at her desk and trying to get work done but was increasingly getting more frustrated by the not so quiet conversation going on in the cubicle opposite of hers. She looked up and glared at the three men just chatting away as if the other people around them didn't have work to do, but they paid her no notice. She sighed and tried to ignore their conversation, but was unable to block out their words and ended up listening anyway.

“Yeah, when I mention work at the ministry, the birds seem to like that.” said a skinny man, who seemed to think that he was important by the way that he was standing and talking.

“Ok Dave. Do you happen to tell them that you are an unpaid  _ intern _ ?” the largest of the two men asked as he and an older looking man started laughing at the embarrassed look on the skinny man’s face.

“Yeah, you don't lie and tell the ladies that you're an  _ auror _ do you Dave?” said the older looking man, still laughing.

Hermione saw that Dave’s face was now beet red. “N-no of course I don't say that.”

“Man. I should have been an auror.” the large man said dreamily. “Apparently they can get whatever bird they want. I reckon it’s the uniform.”

“Add in ‘famous’ and ‘hero’ and you're practically irresistible. I never understood why Potter and Weasley both shackled up so young, they could have had anyone that they wanted. Shame.” said the older one as he shook his head and Hermione couldn't help feeling agitation bubbling up in her.

“More for us then!” grinned the large man as Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Actually,” said Dave, leaning in like he had a secret to tell, although he was still speaking rather loudly. “Weasley is now back on the market.”

Hermione stopped breathing, her quill now perfectly still as she waited to hear more.

“What?” asked the large one.

“Yeah.” Dave went on, proudly. “Apparently his wife left him three months ago but he doesn't want anyone to know, it’s some big secret.”

“Why wouldn't he want anyone to know?” asked the older man incredulously. “Weasley could have anyone he wants! Hell, even my  _ wife  _ fancies Weasley.” he mused.

Dave shrugged. “I heard him telling Potter yesterday and-”

Hermione didn't sit around to hear the rest of the sentence. Completely forgetting about her work, she jumped up and quickly started heading straight towards the auror department. 

On the way there, her thoughts were going wild. _Three months_? If what that man had said was true, then Ron had been single for all of this time, yet hadn't even bothered to let her know. Tears started forming in her eyes at the thought, but she didn't allow them to fall.

Didn't Ron  _ know _ ? Regardless of what he had done, regardless of what he had said to her, all that he had to do was wave her his way and she would be there.

Did he not understand that she  _ loved  _ him? That she would  _ always  _ love him? Sure, she had feelings for Matt. She enjoyed being with him and he helped her not be so lonely, but she wasn't in  _ love _ with him, definitely not even close to how she felt about Ron.

She got to Harry’s office and threw the door open without bothering to knock. “Harry Potter.” she said sternly, staring at him, the question in her expression.

Harry sighed and rubbed his eyebrows. “How do you know?”

Her heart dropped even more as Harry just as much admitted what she had heard from those men. It  _ was _ true. “Three  _ months _ ?” she squeaked.

Harry nodded. “Apparently so. Although in my defense I just found out yesterday and was sworn to secrecy.”

“That...that-” she sputtered, before turning around and marching out of his office, going to find Ron.

She was hurt and she was also  _ well _ past mad, she was absolutely furious. She was more furious than she had been since she couldn't even  _ remember _ when as she neared Ron’s office.

To not even give her a  _ choice? _ If he loved her, as he had claimed to do back on the night of the ball, then  _ why _ hadn't he told her? She couldn't get that night out of her head now, she had been so anguished because he had made it blatantly clear then how he had felt about her, but he had been unable to do anything about it. But now that he  _ could  _ do something about it, he had purposely chosen not to? It didn't make any sense and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

She got to his office and slammed his door open, but he wasn't in there, his office was empty.

She walked in, closing the door behind her before going and sitting down on the chair across from his desk, swiveling around until she was facing the door. Although she was impatient, a part of her was glad she had a moment to gather her thoughts and calm down but she didn't care how long it took, she was not leaving until she spoke to him. 

It didn't take long before she watched the doop open and Ron walk in. He had a handful of papers in his hands and was intently reading them as he walked towards his desk, completely oblivious to her presence. When he finally looked up and saw her, his face paled a little bit, but he said nothing as he made his way to the chair behind his desk as she swiveled her chair around until they were facing each other.

He sat back in his chair, his demeanor stoic.“Hermione.” he said formally, but she could hear the shake in his voice.

She just stared at him, her arms crossed, trying to formulate what exactly to say to him.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his eyebrows slightly arched. He didn't seem hostile at all, only confused as he watched her carefully.

“How’s Iz?” she asked coolly.

She watched as his eyes shifted only slightly guiltily before answering. “She’s good.”

She gave him a pointed look before he let out a loud sigh and leaned back in his chair, looking weary. “How do you know?”

“Well, I didn't hear it from  _ you. _ ” she snapped.

“I didn't have the right to talk to you Hermione.” he slightly shook his head. “Not after how I treated you.”

“Oh well speaking  _ of _ , you never even apologized for the way that you treated me that night.” she retorted.

He avoided her eyes, looking down. “We weren't supposed to be friends, remember? I wasn't supposed to be talking to you.”

“You don't have to be my  _ friend _ to apologize for being an arsehole.” 

He raised his eyes to look at her, his face sincere. “I really  _ am _ sorry Hermione. You don’t know how much. I  _ was _ an arsehole and I should have never said those awful things to you.”

Her eyes watered and she waited for him to go on, her mind willing him to say more.

_ Tell me that what you said wasn't true. Tell me that you still love me. Fight for me dammit. _

But he didn't say anything else and just stared at his desk, his eyes avoiding hers.

“So that means,” she started. “That means that what you said to me that night at grimmauld place, it  _ was _ true...you never loved me.”

He shook his head. "No, that’s...”

Her eyes filled up with tears. "I think I know  _ why _ you said what you did Ron, but I would be lying if I told you that what you said that night didn't make a part of me hate you."

He visibly winced but didn't reply.

"What you said, it was pretty unforgivable actually."

He shrugged. "Well, yeah. I mean that's what I was going for at the time though."

She felt her fury rise back up in her. "Is my pain a..a  _ joke _ to you Ron? Is it entertaining to toy with my emotions like you did?"

He sat up more, leaning towards her. "Of  _ course _ not Hermione. I never hated myself more than I did that night."

"You know what? I think that you  _ were _ being honest Ron.” she glared at him. “You never loved me, because if you  _ had _ then you wouldn't have been able to say the things that you did."

He let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair again. "You know what? Whatever helps you sleep better at night Hermione."

She stood up angrily. "You-you son-of-a-"

"bitch?" 

"Uggghhhh. Ronald Weasley you are so  _ insensitive! _ I can't believe that I ever- that I ever-"

"loved me?"

"STOP DOING THAT!" she screamed. "I came here to-to- ughh I don't know  _ why _ I even bothered! It's blatantly clear that you and I could never be friends, much less anything  _ more _ than that. You absolutely  _ infuriate _ me."

"Then go back to him." he said quietly. "Go back to your _perfect gentleman_ Hermione. I'm sure he won't hurt you like I seem to do."

She slowly shook her head, "No, he won't." she confirmed before sniffing. His words had brought an end to her anger and all she felt then was defeat. He wasn't going to fight for her after all, in fact he was pushing her further away. "I hope that you have an amazing life Ron, I really do." she said softly.

"I hope that you have an amazing life as well Hermione. Merlin knows  _ I _ would never be able to give you that." he replied just as softly.

She took a shaky breath. "Goodbye Ron." She turned around and quickly exited his office, closing the door behind her before walking away.

o

O

o

It’s never easy between them two is it? ;) As always, thanks for reading!


	15. Truths

I wrote this one pretty fast, so if there are errors...I’m sorry!

o

O

o

That Sunday, all of the Weasley’s with the exception of Charlie and Percy and his family were gathered at The Burrow for a nice family dinner as per usual. Ron had Max for the weekend and at the moment the young boy was happily playing with his cousins in the living room, the kids all full with having eaten earlier than the adults. Ron had purposely sat down at the very end of the table so that all eyes could easily be on him as he planned to announce his news directly after the meal was over. 

As he had been doing the last few months, he had made yet another excuse to his family for Iz not joining them that night. Each time he did so though, it earned him even more questions that he wasn't thrilled about answering as he had to come up with quick lies and false reasons. He was also tired of getting the looks of confusion and worry from his family members, as if they  _ knew _ there was something that he wasn't telling them; he had never been good at lying after all. 

Although he was still extremely nervous about telling them the truth, he also knew that he would feel better after getting it all out into the open. He was done with excuses, and keeping secrets from his family wasn't something that he enjoyed doing in the slightest. He felt tired and now he just wanted to just move on with his life. 

Once everyone was mostly done with their food and only light conversation was happening around the table, Ron decided that it was finally time. Eyes started slowly turning to him as he stood up and loudly cleared his throat. 

“I guess it’s time for me to tell all of you the truth.” he said seriously. “I’ve been hiding something from all of you these last several months and-”

He was interrupted by an audible gasp and his eyes went to his mum, whose hands were now over her mouth, her eyes watering from what looked like happiness. “Of-of  _ course _ !” she sputtered. “It all makes sense now. Isabelle hasn't been around because she’s been too  _ sick _ ! Ronald, you're giving me another  _ grandbaby _ !”

Ron felt his eyes grow wide and he panicked, turning to Harry and silently asking him for help, but all Harry managed to do was grimace and look utterly helpless back at him, _the_ _prat_.

Ron looked back to his mum, holding his hands out and frantically shaking his head. “Mum,  _ no _ . Iz is  _ not _ pregnant.”

He watched as his mum’s face turned to a look of confusion, her happiness vanishing. “Then what is your news Ronnie?” she asked in a slightly sad voice.

_ Oh man. _ He had already been scared to tell his mum especially about his divorce, but now to tell her directly after she thought she was going to have another grandchild would be rough.

“Well. Iz and I, we are, I mean, we are divorced now.” he finally managed to say.

His eyes were on his mum and he watched as the gears started turning inside of her head “Divorced?” she said slowly, the word rolling off of her tongue as if it were dirty. He watched as her expression went from confusion to shock. “Oh Ron, don't tell me that you left Isabelle to be with Hermione? How could you think th-”

“ _ No _ mum. Of course not.” he hurriedly said, not liking the way that the conversation was going at all. “It was  _ Iz’s  _ idea. In fact, I pleaded with her, but by then she had already made up her mind. But it’s okay! We are on good terms,  _ great _ terms actually and-”

He was cut off as his mum got up from her chair and threw her arms around him, lightly crying into his chest. “Oh my poor baby boy.” she whimpered as she ran her hand along his back of his head. “You've been through  _ so _ much already.”

He awkwardly patted her back. “Mum, it’s  _ fine _ , I promise. We’ve worked out things with Max and I’m content with everything, you don't have to worry about me.” he said quietly, slightly embarrassed.

She pulled away from him, her hands now cupping his face. “Don't tell me not to worry Ronald. Worrying is my job as your mother.”

He looked over his mum’s head at the many other faces who were sitting at the table watching the pair of them. No one was talking, they were just staring at him with a mixture of shock, curiosity, and pity, the last one being what he had specifically been afraid of. 

“I’m  _ fine _ .” he repeated to them all, bothered that none of them seemed to take his words to heart as they were still looking at him as if he would break any second. 

To clear up any confusion, he quickly told them every single detail, omitting anything to do with Hermione. He didn't even want to broach the subject of her at all, and was extremely grateful that her name wasn't mentioned by anyone else. 

He went on and told them all about Derek, and how he was going to be moving into and buying the house from him, which his mum especially seemed skeptical about but eventually she dropped the subject after he told her several times that he was happy to do so. 

He patiently answered all of everyone’s questions, and by the end of the two hour long talk everyone had seemingly gotten used to the idea and accepted it. Ron felt much better afterwards, feeling lighter with a weight off of his shoulders.

After pudding and the emotional day, Ron finally called it a night. As he and Max floo’d back to his flat he couldn't help but repeat the words to himself that he had repeated to his family earlier about him being fine. 

He bathed Max and laid down in the bed with him, reading him a book that he had picked out, but Ron read it like a robot and hadn't remembered a word he had read right after he had spoken it. Luckily Max fell asleep before the story was even over and Ron silently got up and made his way to his own room, quickly brushing his teeth before pulling himself under the covers of his comforter.

He still kept on repeating the two words to himself. “ _ I’m fine. I’m fine. _ ” but as he clutched his pillow to his chest, he finally admitted it to himself. He  _ wasn't _ fine, and he knew why.

But what was he going to do about it?

o

O

o

It was Wednesday evening and Matt had brought takeout to Hermione’s apartment when he had seen how swamped she had been at work that day. She had been grateful to him of course, but had also felt guilty that he was so thoughtful of her when she had been so distant with him the last couple of weeks...ever since her conversation with Ron. 

Even though she held out little hope that she and Ron would ever reconcile now, she knew that she was being unfair to Matt by stringing him along when she knew that she was incapable of being with him as he deserved. He really was wonderful and she knew that someone else would easily be capable of falling in love with him, but that someone just wasn't her. 

She had tried,  _ really  _ tried, but she hadn't been able to fall and she knew it had everything to do with her and nothing to do with him. She had been patient with herself, given herself time, but her feelings for him had gotten to a certain point and then were at a standstill, not amounting to any more even as the months had gone by.

They were eating in complete silence, and she almost jumped when he started to speak. “So, I actually was wanting to talk to you about something.” he started, leaning back in the chair nervously.

Again she felt guilty. She had been lost in her thoughts and had almost forgotten that he was even there. She continued eating but she looked up and gave him her full attention.

“I got a job offer. It would be a pretty high jump up mind, higher pay, better benefits...better  _ everything  _ really.”

“Matt that’s- that's incredible news.” she said, smiling at him, but she could tell that he wasn't quite finished.

“But, there's a catch.” he swallowed.

“There almost always is. What is it?”

He hesitated a moment before speaking. “The job is in France.”

She stopped chewing her food, taking in the information. Unsurprisingly the news didn't bother her as much as it  _ should _ have, and she could tell that he was studying her for her reaction to it.

“Oh.” she said carefully, not wanting to make him feel bad by her lack of distress but also not knowing what to say about it.

“And I’m going to take it.” he clarified.

“Oh.” she said again and immediately felt bad at the disappointment that she saw on his face.

He took in a deep breath and leaned forwards. “I know that it’s a long shot, but I would love for you to come with me.”

“Come with you to  _ France _ ?” she asked him incredulously.

He let out a small humorless laugh. “I figured as much. From the way that you said that, plus your initial reaction, I can tell that it’s a no.” he slightly shook his head and took a long sip of his wine.

She put her fork down on the table. “I’m sorry Matt, really I am, but this is my  _ home _ . I can't move my whole life to France just for…”

“For me. I know.” he sighed and stared at her with so much intensity that she avoided his gaze. “For curiosity’s sake, if I  _ wasn't _ moving to France Hermione, where would this be going? Relationship wise I mean, where would we be heading?”

She circled the wine glass rim with her finger as she answered him. “Honestly. I really don't know.”

“Do you love me Hermione?” he asked her seriously.

Her eyes raised up to meet his where she found that he was studying her again, obviously looking for answers. Even though they had been going steady for a while now, neither one of them had made any kind of reference to being in love with one another.

Instead of answering him though, she shot her own question back. “Do you love  _ me _ ?”

He pursed his lips a little bit and paused before answering. “I think that I  _ could.  _ The thing is though Hermione, you're a bit...guarded.”

Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Well.” he seemed to be deep in thought. “There's a part of you that you never allow me to see I guess. I know that there's  _ more _ to you than what you show me and I've been hoping that you’d eventually let me in but..” he cleared his throat. “I know that you've been through a lot Hermione, with everything that happened to you and all, I mean. I know that you don't like talking about it much so I don't  _ know  _ for sure, but I suspect Weasley has something to do with it. Am I right?”

She unintentionally grimaced at the mention of Ron and a knowing look came into his eyes. “Ah. I  _ was _ right. Weasley eh? I tried to ignore office talk, but I guess it was right for once.”

She didn't say anything for a long moment before deciding that she at least owed him the truth. “I’ve been in love with him for a long time.” she admitted, her eyes watering.

“Mhm, and he’s married so logically I was just the  _ next _ best thing.” he said forlornly.

She gulped. She didn't bother correcting him on Ron being married, she decided that didn't really matter at the moment. “I tried to move on with you Matt. You're  _ wonderful,  _ I just-I’m not over him.” 

He smiled sadly at her. “Well. At least I have all of my answers. No more prolonging the inevitable.”

Hermione could hardly stand it that she was hurting him. He was someone who she had knowingly let into her life even though she had  _ known _ that she had been nowhere near ready for him. “I’m  _ so _ sorry Matt.”

He slowly stood up from the table, making his way to her fireplace. “Me too, Hermione.”

o

O

o

Two nights later Hermione had just finished a quiet dinner at her apartment and had decided to catch up on her reading. She was spread out on the couch for only about fifteen minutes before she was interrupted by a light knock on the front door. 

The people closest to her had direct access to her floo, so she figured that it wasn't anyone that she was extremely familiar with. Her first instinct had been to ignore it but the knocking got more persistent and her curiosity got the best of her so she quietly crept to the door and looked in the peephole. She immediately recognized the person standing on the other side and she felt her heart start beating faster as she gulped, finally gathering enough courage to grab the door handle and open the door.

Iz was standing there, looking nervous, but smiled brightly at the sight of her. “Hi Hermione. May I come in?”

Hermione merely nodded and stepped back, letting the other woman through the door, nervous about the potential reasons why she had come.

The two women made polite small talk as Hermione prepared some tea for them. She watched as Iz marveled at all of the knick-knacks in her flat and studied all of the pictures on the walls. Hermione was certain that Iz noticed that all of the pictures lacked a certain ginger headed man, and was grateful that she didn't comment on it. Hermione had taken all of the pictures with Ron in them down shortly after the night that she had first slept with Matt, it had hurt too much to walk past them every single day and remind her of what she had lost.

After the tea was ready they both sat down at the small table in the quaint kitchen, both holding a cuppa. “So, I know you didn't stop by just to see my modest little flat.” said Hermione as she slowly sipped her tea, now wanting to get to the point.

Iz nodded. “Ron would be _ so  _ mad at me for telling you, but I feel like you need to know.” she took a breath. “Ron and I are divorced.”

For some reason, Hermione wasn't surprised that Ron hadn't told Iz that she already knew about the divorce. She gave Iz a tight lipped smile. “I know actually. I’ve known for about two weeks now.”

Iz’s brows furrowed. “Does he  _ know _ that you know?”

Hermione nodded sadly. “He does. I confronted him and we argued...of course. We haven't talked since.”

Iz looked confused. “What did you argue about?” she stopped, “Wait- only tell me if you  _ want _ to tell me, it’s really none of my business.”

“That’s fine.” Hermione assured her. “In a nutshell, I stormed into his office, angry as hell and he almost immediately figured out that I had found out. Somehow we ended up arguing about the night that he told me that he never loved me, he apologized but didn't deny what he had said and it ended up with him pushing me away and telling me to go back to Matt... _ again. _ ”

Iz sighed and strummed her fingers on the table. “Hermione, he-”

“He didn't fight for me Iz.” Hermione said dejectedly as she felt her eyes start to water. “The Ron that I know, the Ron that loved me would  _ never _ try to push me into another man’s arms when he had a chance to be with me.” She wiped her eyes. “ _ Something  _ changed and I don't know  _ what _ , but his feelings for me obviously aren't what they used to be. When I went to talk to him about it, he didn't act like me being with him was even an  _ option _ .” 

Iz slightly grimaced. “As far as not telling you...he  _ tried _ to Hermione.” she paused and Hermione’s heart started beating faster, wary about what she was about to hear.

“Yet another thing that he would be mad about me telling you but... shortly after he moved out he came here to your apartment to talk to you. It was early and when he knocked he heard Matt’s voice inside...well he got nervous and disillusioned himself so you wouldn't see him.” Hermione remembered the morning that Iz was referring to and she felt her heart drop as Iz continued. “He saw you together and apparently things seemed... _ serious _ between you two and he didn't...didn't want to bother you anymore I guess. Honestly he wouldn't have even told  _ me _ about that if I hadn't practically dragged the truth out of him after seeing him so down.” she bit her lip nervously. “Him seeing that, well, you can imagine what it did to him.”

Hermione was now openly crying, her tears running down her face. Oh she would have  _ never _ in a million years wanted Ron to have seen what he must have seen then. She remembered being so confused by that random knock on the door, and a small sob escaped her as she remembered how Matt had tried to drag her back inside, and had been playfully kissing on her.

_ Ron had seen that _ . 

She remembered how just seeing Ron holding onto Iz’s arm the night of her party had made her heart ache. She couldn't imagine how she would have felt if he had  _ kissed _ on her in her presence.

“He..he tried to tell me.” she whispered. It was a statement and not a question.

“Yes. If he pushed you away it was only because he thought you were happier without him. Sometimes he can be thick as can be, but his heart is in the right place.” 

“Does he still love me?” she asked weakly, already knowing the answer. 

Iz let out a small laugh as she picked a napkin off of the table and handed it to her. “Hermione. I  _ lived  _ with him for over four years. I watched him cry for you at night. I calmed him down when he had nightmares of you dying right in front of him. The man is utterly infatuated with you, he loves you  _ so _ much, and I know that love never faded at all.” Hermione sniffed, hanging on to every word as Iz continued. “When you came back, I could see how it was eating away at him until it reached a breaking point. _ I’m _ the one to demand the divorce, not only for him, but for  _ both _ of us.” Iz sighed. “Hermione, Ron has suffered enough. If you are happy with Matt, then by all means, I’m happy for you, I mean that. But if you still care for Ron the way that he does for you then....”

Hermione smiled a little, still crying. “Matt and I are no longer together.” she said quietly.

Iz looked a bit shocked, but thoroughly pleased by this information. “So you’ll go talk to Ron?” she asked hopefully.

As much as Hermione wanted to run to Ron right this second and sort things out, she was scared. Even though she believed what Iz had told her, nothing between her and Ron had ever come easily and she had to admit that she was nervous about making things even worse. But now that she knew that there was a chance that they would be able to work things out once and for all, she knew that she would take it.

“Yes, I will go to him...but I’m nervous.” she admitted.

“Just be  _ honest _ with him, Hermione. Tell him everything that you are thinking, and  _ demand _ the same from him.” she reached over and squeezed her hand that was resting on the table.

Although Hermione was grateful for Iz, she felt a pang of jealousy. _ She _ had once known exactly how Ron worked, but now  _ Iz _ knew him more than she did. Hermione felt that all she and Ron did was row, but Iz didn't seem to have that problem with him and that fact upset her.

Iz seemed to sense what it was that Hermione had been thinking. “Yes, I know Ronald Weasley. I know how he works, how he thinks...you can't live with someone for so long and not pick up on things. I could actually probably tell you what it is that he’s thinking about right now.” her eyes softened. “But that’s not my  _ job _ anymore. I’m passing the job to  _ you  _ Hermione, I don't want it anymore.” she gave a light laugh _. _

Hermione gave her a small smile. “What’s he thinking about right now then?”

“Well, he has Max right now, but if he’s not completely occupied by him... then he’s thinking about  _ you.” _

Hermione smiled, the thought of Ron thinking about her filling her up with warmth.

“Tell you what.” Iz went on, “I’m going to pick up Max tomorrow around noon, even though Ron’s supposed to have him all weekend. I’ll make up some excuse and after that, he will be alone in his apartment. So you can just go whenever you're ready.” She took a piece of paper out of her purse and wrote down an address on it before setting it on the table.

Hermione merely nodded her head, too physically, and now emotionally tired to do much else.

Iz seemed to sense that Hermione needed to be alone then, and after a quick and grateful goodbye, she decided to take a bath. She made the water as hot as she could stand it and as she sat back and closed her eyes, she smiled.

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Only a chapter or two left of this story, only positive from now on :)


	16. At Long Last

The chapter that will  _ not _ ‘crush’ you is here!

Beta’d by the amazing be11atrixthestrange who’s the bestest in the north, east, south, and westest! Haha go check out her fics like now!

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Ron was laying on his bed with his long body splayed out lazily, the Saturday afternoon sun shining brightly over him through the window. He was quite bored and didn't know what to do with himself, his previous plans cancelled due to Iz unexpectedly dropping by to pick up Max for the rest of the weekend. At first, he had protested this as he had promised to take his son to the park, but Iz had been insistent, telling him that he could have Max the whole next weekend. Apparently, she was planning on taking him to go and meet all of Derek’s family, and since Max had seemed very excited at the prospect of meeting new people, Ron had relented.

Now that he was alone, he really didn't have anything to do with himself and was pretty bored. He briefly thought about wanking since it had been a while, but he didn't have the heart or the energy for it so he decided to take a nap instead. Once he closed his eyes it didn't take long for him to fall asleep and it seemed to be only minutes later that he was woken up by an incessant pounding noise. 

His body immediately shot up, quickly understanding that someone was at his door, and he groggily wondered who would be banging on his door like that. He took a quick glance at his clock and saw that he had only been asleep for about thirty minutes. He walked out of the bedroom, instinctively pulling his wand out of his pocket and making his way to the sound before throwing open the door, his wand pointing threatenly at whomever was on the other side. 

His eyes widened, and he almost jumped back in surprise to see Hermione standing there, her fist raised to continue knocking before realizing that he had opened the door. His first thought was to question how she knew where he lived, but figured that any number of people could have easily told her and then he wondered what could have possibly brought her there. Before he could think on it too much, however, she pushed him aside and walked into his flat, closing the door behind her, her eyes avoiding his. 

He could tell that she was nervous as she frantically started pacing back and forth in front of him, her hands moving animatedly as she spoke, her hair practically crackling with electricity. Unfortunately, he was too stunned at the fact that she was  _ there _ to take in much of what she was saying as she spoke in an irritated manner, looking quite like a madwoman, her mouth hurriedly moving and gesturing wildly about in front of her. 

He noticed that she looked tired, as if she had not slept much last night, and her clothes were plain and looked as if she had just thrown them on last minute, not really caring about what she might look like. He managed to catch bits and pieces of her long string of words, including ‘you and your bloody hero complex’ ‘irrationally selfless’ and ‘should have just been  _ honest  _ with me Ronald’ 

He just stared at her, his mouth slightly agape , overcome before she finally stopped talking. For the first time since she had gotten there she turned to look at him. “Have you been listening to  _ anything _ that I’ve been saying?” she asked, almost out of breath.

Slowly he shook his head, hoping that she wouldn't get mad that all of her ranting had been for nothing because he still had no idea what was going on.

She sighed, her hands smoothing down her hair. “Okay then.” she said slowly before taking a deep breath. “I said a lot of things, but what it  _ really  _ boils down to I guess is-I want you Ron.” she paused. “I've only ever wanted  _ you. _ ”

He licked his lips, his brows furrowed, and he opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it.

“Matt and I broke up.” she said quickly. “You were right, he  _ was _ a perfect gentleman. But the thing is, he  _ didn't _ infuriate me so it never would have worked out anyway.” she gave him a small smirk.

He started breathing heavier and he felt his hands shaking at his sides, still unable to fully believe that this was really happening. He knew that if he allowed himself to actually believe that she could  _ finally _ be his, he wouldn't be able to handle the blow of something going wrong. He could  _ not _ bear to lose her again.

“Say something please.” she pleaded, taking a small step towards him.

“You want  _ me _ ?” he asked softly, his eyes searching hers for signs that she was completely sure.

She nodded her head, her face sincere. 

He gulped. “In what way?”

“In  _ every _ way Ron.”

He closed his eyes and slowly let out a breath as he felt something cracking in him, but for once it _ wasn't  _ in a bad way. He felt like he was one of those ‘glow stick’ thingies that Harry had shown him once. Once it had been snapped, light had slowly started spreading through it until the whole thing had actually glowed, he had been amazed.

“ _ Shite _ .” he said shakily, running his hands through his hair as she smiled up at him. 

“I need you to tell me the truth Ron. I mean, I already  _ know  _ everything, but I need to hear it from you.” she bit her lip, looking at him nervously.

He took a few steps until he was standing directly in front of her and just like he had on that night at the gala, bent down and gently grabbed her face and brought it up to his as until their foreheads were touching. “I love you Hermione.” he said sincerely, looking into her eyes. “I love you and everything I said that night at Grimmauld Place was a fucking lie.” he kissed the tip of her nose before continuing. “I didn't tell you about my divorce because I saw you with Matt and I thought you were happier with him, and  _ then _ I pushed you away for the same reason when you came to me.”

“I know,” she smiled up at him, her eyes shining. “But what you  _ saw  _ was me trying to get over you Ron.” she licked her lips. “ _ Unsuccessfully, _ I might add,” she whispered before he leaned further down and softly kissed her lips, the feeling sending a shock right through him. 

Their lips moved together slowly for several long seconds, and he swore that if he believed in such a place, he would think that he was undoubtedly in heaven. When he finally pulled back, she let out a whimper and grabbed onto his shirt.

“Is this  _ real _ ?” she asked in a small voice, her eyes that were only a few inches from his own looked to be in disbelief.

He shook his head, slightly smiling. “I don't even  _ know _ . Honestly I feel that it’s too good to be true.”

“What if it is?” she asked quietly. “We always seem to make a mess of things, and I can't help but be nervous.”

He shook his head, their noses brushing together. “As long as  _ I _ have anything to say about it Hermione- _ merlin,  _ I just-” he leaned down to kiss her again, harder this time as there was something awakening inside of him that he could hardly control.

It seemed that she was being affected the same way as her arms flew up around his neck and pulled him down to her none too gently. " _Oh_ _fuck_." he managed to get out as he reached down and grabbed for her legs, and she helped him by jumping, eagerly wrapping them around his waist. He stumbled around, trying to remember which way his bedroom was, unwilling to pull her away from him for a single second to formulate a coherent thought. 

With her lips finally,  _ finally, _ against his for the first time since the battle, his brain was just about mush, but he managed to remember where his bedroom was and started walking her down the carpeted hallway towards it. When she let out an irresistible noise when he pulled her chest tighter against his, he turned and pressed her against the wall, her hands tangled in his hair trying to pull him even closer. He felt moisture between their cheeks before realizing that they were tears and he briefly wondered which one of them was crying.

“Hermione.” he gasped shakily. 

“Rooon.” she replied, his name a low moan and the sound of it almost doing him in.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. For  _ everything _ ,” he said as he kissed her. He hoped that she understood that he really  _ was _ apologizing for everything. For not telling her how he felt sooner, for leaving her during the horcrux hunt, for casting the spell that froze her in time. Everything from calling her a nightmare in 1991, to saying the horrible words that he had said to her at Grimmauld-for every bad thing that he had  _ ever _ said to her.

“Ron I’m sorry too. I love you. I love you.” she panted.

He had almost been sure that she loved him before, but she had never spoken it out loud to him and he growled, pushing her even harder against the wall and attacking her mouth fervently, grinding his rock hard erection into her center as she gasped.

“Fucking  _ love _ you Hermione. I’ve  _ always _ loved you.”

“Ron, I need you now,  _ please _ .” she whimpered, desperately trying to pull his t-shirt up and away from his body.

Her words further ignited something in him and he grinded into her even harder. He felt the same exact way as she did; he needed her right now, needed her more than he needed oxygen to breathe. 

They stumbled ungracefully down to the floor as they hastily tried to remove each other's clothing, their impatience and their closeness making the task quite impossible. In annoyance, Ron grabbed his wand from his jeans pocket, uttering a spell and then they were both completely naked, their clothes in a pile a few feet away from them. As they rolled around on the soft carpet, he was grateful that it had recently been deep cleaned. 

He ended up on top of her, his lips all over her face, his body pressed tightly against hers, the feeling of it intoxicating. She reached down and wrapped her hand around his erection, his hips instantly pushing forward into her grip as he sucked in a breath, biting down on her lower lip. He lowered his face to her chest, taking one of her nipples into his mouth and sucking as her body arched up from the ground, her hand still wrapped around him and squeezing even tighter as he slightly rocked back and forth.

When he put his own hand between her legs he let out a groan. “ _ Ohgod _ Hermione...so fucking wet.” he pushed two fingers inside of her and began to stroke her, taking her other nipple into his mouth, his other hand squeezing her hip to keep her somewhat still as she was deliciously wriggling underneath him.

“She let go of him then, moving her hands to his head and pulling his hair as she arched her body further into him.” Ron, I  _ need  _ you.” she pleaded again, almost begging.

Ron lifted his head to look at her through heavy lids. Her body was quivering and she was now staring back at him, her eyes beseeching him to do what she had asked.

He had always imagined that his first time making love to Hermione would be slow and gentle and loving, however what was happening between them now was the result of years worth of accumulated pent up feelings, years of absolute hell and grief, and then months of a different type of agonizing loss, and apparently neither of them could wait any longer. To hell with taking things slow.

He instantly sat up, gripping her hips and pulling her lower body up to meet his, his eyes not leaving hers as he rubbed her against his length, her eyes closing at the contact. Without warning he slammed into her, her hands gripping onto his wrists so hard that her fingernails indented into his skin as she cried out his name. Over and over he drove into her as she clung to him, her head thrown back in ecstasy, her upper body coated in a light layer of sweat, making her glisten as if she were made of glitter. 

He let go of one of her hips to rub on her clit as his hips continued their pace, hers meeting his with every thrust and the sounds of their slapping skin only spurring him on. She was making enchanting noises that he had only been able to dream about her making before, and he could tell that she was getting close. Right as he had that thought, he felt her stiffen before she let out a wail that sounded like his name and he felt her body pulsating around him. That was all it took and he could no longer hold on, screaming out as he came with the strongest orgasm that he had ever experienced before immediately collapsing beside her on the floor and turning onto his back, both of them breathing heavily beside one another.

“Did- we just-shag-on the- _ floor _ ?” Hermione panted.

Ron turned his head to look at her. She was breathing hard, her eyes looking around as if she had no idea how they got to be where they were, her brow furrowed in slight mortification.

When she turned her head to look over at him, what started as a deep chuckle soon turned into full blown laughter until he was laughing so hard that he could barely see Hermione through the tears in his eyes. He couldn't recall a time when he had ever laughed so hard, and it wasn't slowing down at all.

At first, Hermione looked confused by this, but apparently his laughter was contagious, and she soon joined in, then they both were howling, tears streaming down their faces as they held onto each other. His arms were wrapped around her as they watched each other laugh, her arms holding onto his shoulders, her head thrown back, her laughter in his ears.

In that moment, they were just Ron and Hermione. Best friends since they were eleven. Many laughs, jokes, letters, games and  _ thousands _ of conversations stacked up between them throughout the years. Best friends who had constantly nagged each other over the most trivial of things, but at the end of the day, knew that the other would be there if they needed them. When they were together, they were safe.

Slowly, they quieted, their facial expressions turning serious as they silently stared at each other, their breathing slowing down, the tears running down their faces no longer tears of laughter. Ron ran his hand down the side of Hermione’s face, wiping her tears away as she did the same to him. There were no words spoken then, neither of them knew that words weren’t adequate at the moment anyway.

In that moment, they were just Ron and Hermione. Best friends who had slowly fallen in love with each other, with years of hidden longing, broken hearts, and unresolved feelings between them. Best friends who had finally taken that next step into their relationship almost six years ago, only to lose it the very next moment. The pain of losing each other and then having no hope of ever being together again, their anguish apparent.

When their tears had finally subsided, Ron leaned in to kiss Hermione softly, her eyes closing as she took in a shaky breath and returned his kiss. Slowly he stood up before bending down and scooping her up into his arms and carrying her into his bedroom. He laid her down softly onto his bed and this time they were able to move slowly, to learn each other as they hadn't done the first time. He kissed every part of her as she kissed every part of him, their hands reassuringly sliding over each other to confirm that the other was really there and that the other was more than wanted, they were  _ needed _ . 

They started off slow and gentle, love pouring out both of them as they joined again, their bodies rocking together in bliss before Hermione clutched tightly onto him, and urged him to go faster before they came undone together for a second time.

In that moment, they were just Ron and Hermione. Best friends who, even after every single impossible obstacle that had been keeping them apart, were together at last.

Afterwards, they both fell asleep, their limbs tangled up together, every square inch of their skin touching.

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When Hermione woke up she was all alone in Ron’s bed. She allowed herself a moment to just lay there and go over the events that had occurred between them earlier and she let out a little squeak of happiness as she stretched. Slowly, she sat up and stood, still completely naked before walking over to what she presumed was the closet and opening the door. She had presumed correctly, and she quickly pulled a navy blue t-shirt off of its hanger and tugged it over her head, allowing herself to breathe in the scent. She was extremely glad that after all of these years, the smell of  _ Ron _ hadn't changed.

Tentatively, she creaked the bedroom door open and peered out, the smell of something delicious guiding her as she walked through the living room and into the kitchen. She was greeted by the sight of Ron’s bare back, an apron tied around his waist as he magically flipped a large omelette on the burning stove top. He was wearing thin pyjama pants, and she allowed herself to marvel at him, gazing at the firm bum that she had first felt earlier. 

She watched as he moved easily, scooping the steaming omelette onto a plate and setting it next to an identical plate that already had a large omelette on it. Using his wand, a carton of orange juice flew out of the fridge and without even looking, he caught it with his hand and poured into two glass cups that he had grabbed from the cabinet to the left of him.

He levitated both of the cups and the plates and as he turned around, he finally noticed her standing there. His eyes widened a bit and he let out a small breath, but otherwise didn't seem startled, his face breaking into an affectionate grin.

“Hey. I didn't know you were awake. I was going to bring you your breakfast in bed.”

“Shouldn't your excellent auror skills tell you when there is someone sneaking up behind you?” she asked while walking towards him, her pull to him like a magnet.

He shrugged. “I’m off the clock right now. And at home. Guard’s down.”

She smiled. “You do realize that it’s eight o’clock at night? Why did you make omelettes?”

He smirked. “You do what you do when it’s all you have. But if you don’t want yours…” he eyes both plates, dramatically licking his lips.

She grabbed a plate from midair, pretending to be offended. “I didn't say _ that _ .”

They sat at the table and started to eat in comfortable silence, occasionally looking up and smiling at each other, both of them still in disbelief.

She chewed slowly, deep in thought. “So. We didn't get to, you know, talk much about our future plans earlier.” she started.

He smirked as he plunged his fork into his omelette, before taking another bite. “We were meant to talk about the future? I thought you were just here to shag me,” he said cheekily.

Her minor annoyance at his lack of seriousness was overshadowed by her quickened heartbeat when she again thought about what had transpired between them earlier. Sure, she had been intimate with Matt, but it had never  _ never _ been like it had been like with Ron. She had never felt so much passion in her life and she knew that she would never be able to get enough of him from now on.

“That too.” she answered with a small smile.

He chuckled. “So what d’you wanna to talk about?” he asked with a mouthful of food.

Her mouth gaped open. “ _ Really _ Ronald? We need to talk about where ‘ _ we _ ’” she gestured with her hand at him and then herself. “go from here. What happens next?”

He gave her a hard look before he picked up his glass of orange juice and slowly guzzled it down before setting it on the table loudly and letting out a loud sigh of content, smacking his lips together. “Oh yeah,  _ that _ talk.” he waved his arm in the air dismissively. “I’ve already thought about it and I’ve figured it all out.”

She felt disbelief at his nonchalance. “That’s not possible.” she huffed. “First off, there are  _ two _ people in this equation Ron! And second, we need to-.”

He slightly raised his eyebrows at her, and she stopped talking as he continued as if she hadn't spoken. “Now that I'm not paying for the other house, we can find one of our own, wherever you want. We are going to live together Hermione. You, me,  _ and _ your bloody cat. We will have Max part time as well of course, and  _ then _ we are going to spend every moment that we aren't at work together, living ‘happily ever after’ and all that.”

Her mouth hung open. “It’s...it’s not that  _ easy  _ Ron, we can’t just rush into things just because we love each other! We need to  _ plan  _ this,  _ discuss _ this, figure it all out.”

“It  _ is _ that easy Hermione. I know that it hasn't been as long for you as it has for me-”

She opened her mouth to retort but he held his hand up and she closed her mouth with a huff. “I’m not going to waste any more time Hermione.” he went on, his voice serious. “I know what I want. I want _ this _ , I want  _ you _ . And if you feel the same way, which I think and bloody well hope that you _ do _ , then there’s no need to delay this. Move in with me, let me take care of you like this all of the time.” He stared at her intently, his expression hopeful.

She narrowed her eyes at him a bit, but she could feel her resistance slipping away fast. “I’m not some damsel in distress Ron.”

“Oh I  _ know _ that Hermione,” he smiled as he again sat back in his chair. “You are  _ perfectly _ capable of taking care of yourself. However, I doubt you'd be able to whip up a mean omelette like  _ this.”  _ she rolled her eyes as he continued. “You know, I  _ still _ can't eat mushrooms?” 

She gave him a weak laugh. “Are we ready for this though Ron? Won't it be moving a little fast?”

He swallowed another mouthful. “Hmm. I  _ clearly _ remember you saying the word ‘faster’ to me earlier...”

Her cheeks reddened as she playfully reached over and swatted him on the shoulder much to his amusement and he took the opportunity to grab her arm and pull her onto his lap before starting to pepper small kisses on her shoulder, neck, and face.

“I’d have to think about it Ron,” she said quietly, her brain fogging over with what he was doing.

“You always overthink things,” he said, still kissing her, his hand now tangled into her hair. “Maybe this once you can just be spontaneous, go with your gut.” he pulled back and kissed her softly on the lips, his hands now cupping her face. “Fuck, I will  _ never  _ be able to get enough of kissing you now.”

She tried to hang on to reason and logical thought. “I don't think with my gut like you do.”

He chuckled, leaning his forehead to hers.“Close your eyes Hermione. Imagine you,  _ future-you _ . What do you see?”

Hesitantly she closed her eyes. Immediately she saw herself coming home after a long and tiring day at work and walking into Ron’s arms.” She sighed. “I see you.” she replied reluctantly.

She opened her eyes and saw his face break into a wide grin. “Alright then. Now that  _ that's _ settled.” he jumped up and threw her over his shoulder as she playfully shrieked, protesting. “It’s  _ not _ settled!”

“Third time’s a charm.” he replied happily, carrying her to the bedroom.


	17. Home

Here it is, the last chapter!!! Thank you to everyone who joined this ride and for all of the views and comments. You are all amazing!!! Now all of my focus will be on my new fic 'Timelines' in which Rose Weasley accidentally sends herself back in time and joins the trio on the horcrux hunt so check it out if you feel inclined! Enjoy!

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Ron was woken up by the feel of feather light touches trailing slowly across his chest. Still half asleep, it took him a moment to remember what had happened yesterday and he felt like he would combust from happiness. 

It had not just been an amazing dream;  _ Hermione _ was in his bed right now, he could feel and smell her all around him and he knew that this was  _ real _ . He licked his lips as her hand traveled down to his middle before starting to move even lower but before they could, he reached up and gently grabbed her wrist. 

“You insatiable witch” he groaned, a smile stretching across his face, his eyes still closed.

Hermione didn't respond, instead lowering her head to kiss on his collarbone, her hair ticking his nostrils. Chuckling, he reached his other hand up to gently move it from his face so he could breathe properly.

“You're  _ trying _ to do me in.” he complained, although he could feel that he was already growing hard as she moved her naked body so she was laying on top of him, her skin warm and feeling lovely against his.

“Guilty,” she murmured as she leaned down to kiss him on the lips.

“I love you  _ so _ much.” he told her when they broke apart, his voice full of emotion.

She smiled, her face still inches from his. “I love you too.” she replied, giving him another small kiss. 

“I hope you wake me up like this every morning for the rest of my life.” he groaned as she sat up and slowly started moving herself against him.

“I don't exactly remember actually  _ agreeing _ to the moving in together bit quite yet.” she said with a smirk, still moving against him and pushing him almost to insanity.

“Oh yes you did. We sealed- it with sex. That’s how it works you see, it’s like a- contract.” he managed to say in between heavy breaths.

“Hmm. I must have not read the fine print then.” she retorted, still moving.

“Hermmiioooneee.” he moaned, done with her teasing.

“You insatiable wizard.” she laughed as he grabbed hold of her hips and lifted her up before lowering her onto him, a breath of sweet relief passing through his lips at the feeling of her around him.

“You-feel so-good.” he panted as she moved on top of him, his hands still on her hips, helping.

“I could say-the same.” she said back breathlessly, her voice no longer teasing as it had been a moment ago.

They stopped talking, now only moans and sighs of pleasure escaping as they moved together like it was always supposed to be that way; just the two of them.

“Close.” Ron muttered, knowing that he wouldn't be able to hold back much longer.

“Me too-ahh.”

He watched as Hermione threw her head back, her body shuddering over his, the sight and the feel of it triggering his own release. “FUCK!” he screamed, as he emptied himself inside of her, his body absolutely thrumming with pleasure.

Hermione collapsed on top of him, both of them panting. Once he recuperated a bit he started rubbing his hands up and down her back lovingly. She slowly rolled off of him and tucked herself into his side, her head fitting perfectly in the side of his chest.

She sighed contentedly and he smiled to himself before his eyebrows furrowed as he suddenly thought of something.

“Hermione?” he asked hesitantly.

“Mm?” she replied lazily.

“We haven't been using the contraceptive charms? What if-”

She cut him off. “I cast one on myself before showing up yesterday, and then again before I woke you up. We’re in the clear.”

“Oh. So you really  _ did _ show up yesterday expecting to get a piece of me.” he said cheekily. “I must be irresistible huh?”

She sat up a little to look at him. “Yes. But don't tell anyone that I admitted that or I’ll deny it.” She grinned before laying her head back down as he laughed.

After a moment of silence, he spoke again. “Hermione?”

“Yes?”

“Even if you were to, uhm, get pregnant, it would be okay. I want a life with you...a family with you.” he held his breath waiting for her response. He did want more kids, and hoped that she did too, although he was in no rush. She still hadn't met Max yet and he hoped that they would eventually grow close, as they were the two most important people in the world to him. He hoped that she understood that he and Max were a packaged deal and that she would be comfortable with that. 

She sat up again to look at him. “Eventually, yes,” she said thoughtfully. “But let’s work on one thing at a time okay?”

He nodded, leaning his head down a little to kiss her as she leaned in too.

o

O

o

Ron held Hermione’s hand tightly in his as they apparated right outside of The Burrow. She had been nervous all day at the prospect of letting his family know of their new relationship while he had been giddy and excited. They had met up with her parents for lunch to tell them, and Ron thought that it had gone over well. The Grangers loved Hermione and only wanted her happy, and apparently they had been able to tell by her face that she was and they had been delighted; they had always liked him.

“Don't be nervous.” he reassured her. “They already love you of course,  _ and  _ they love me,  _ and  _ they know that we love each other. To be honest, they are probably expecting it to happen at some point.”

“Maybe so. I just hope that they won't hold a grudge against me for you getting a divor-”

“Hey.” he cut in fervently. “Don't go there. Whatever happened between Iz and I is just that, between me and her, you have nothing to do with it.” He sighed. “Besides, I promise you that they are okay with everything that happened. We all had a heart to heart. They just want what’s best for me and  _ you  _ are what's best for me.”

He watched as her eyes watered as she nodded at him, her hand squeezing his tighter as they made their way to the tall and odd-looking house that he knew she had always loved.

They had purposely shown up a little late, as Ron wanted everybody to already be sitting down in one place so he could laugh at everyone’s stunned expressions when he walked in with Hermione on his arm. They walked through the front door, the smell of delicious food and friendly chatter hitting them all at once. They made their way to the kitchen and walked in, a grin already wide across his face as she laughed at him nervously.

Nobody paid much attention to the pair of them as they stood there, all of them already too engrossed in conversations with others to notice the two new people in the room. Ron loudly cleared his throat, and slowly all eyes made their way to the pair of them, the room slowly quieting in shocked silence.

Ron pulled Hermione tight against his side. “Well, Hermione and I are officially together!” he said happily before the room erupted into complete chaos.

People were getting up and hugging them and asking questions way too fast for either of them to answer and it was a bit overwhelming. The best part though was that not one person had even one negative thing to say, they all just encircled them both with love and acceptance as Ron had known that they would.

o

O

o

*6 Months Later*

Hermione was sitting on the couch, Max curled up next to her as she read him a story from one of her favorite childhood books. She had been delighting in showing him the whole other world of muggle literature, as he had never been introduced to it before. She had to explain things that he didn't understand pretty often, and as a now 5 year old his attention span didn't last that long, but she enjoyed it while it did last. She was cut off right in the middle of a sentence as the fireplace roared and Iz and Derek walked out, Iz’s arms stretched out to grab her son.

“Mummy!” Max gleefully yelled, running to her as Hermione got up and gave Derek a quick hug before turning to Iz and doing the same. The two women embraced warmly, laughing as Max let out a funny noise when he was being squeezed between them. Max escaped and embraced Derek, who handed him a new toy dinosaur.

“Saw this at the shop and couldn't resist.” he said as Iz rolled her eyes good naturedly. 

Just then, Ron walked out of the kitchen, wiping his just-washed hands on his apron. “Hey.” he smiled, opening his arms for Iz to walk into as he lightly kissed the top of her head. 

Hermione at first had been a bit intimidated by their relationship. Even though she knew that Ron loved her completely, she also knew that he had a special bond with Iz and that she knew him intricately. The feeling had slowly faded with time and it no longer made her uncomfortable, it was just the way that it was and Hermione was pleased. Both of the couples were now extremely close, and saw each other often.

“The fireplace roared again as Harry and a pregnant Ginny stepped out, both laughing at something that they had obviously been talking about before arriving.

The seven of them then sat down for dinner, conversation happy and lively just as it always was. Ron sipped on his wine and often glanced at her, adoration that she still wasn't used to seeing was shining in his eyes.

“You know what?” Derek said loudly, seemingly a little tipsy from the firewhisky shots that then men had taken when he and Iz had announced that they had a baby on the way. “Even though I’m technically the ‘newcomer’, you all have been so unbelievingly welcome towards me and it feels like I have known all of you my whole life.”

Hermione watched as Ron sat forward and tapped his glass lightly on Derek's glass, a smile on his face. She still couldn't believe that he was hers, she thought that he was beautiful, even though she knew he'd hate it if she were to voice that particular opinion out loud.

“If someone told me that I would be close friends with Harry Potter a year ago, I wouldn't have believed them!” Derek continued enthusiastically as Iz laughed at him.

“To friends.” Harry said, raising his glass. 

They all raised their glasses, Ginny and Iz’s holding water instead of wine.

“To family,” Hermione added quietly. 

“To family,” they all repeated.

As they all took a sip, Hermione’s eyes locked with Ron’s and they shared a silent look that said so much. 

  
She was happy. She was  _ home.  _


End file.
